AIBU to feel disheartened by the lack of support and the presence of a crab bucket mentality among some women on here?

[NameChangeAsICouldBeOverReacting]

Is it unreasonable for me to feel disheartened by the lack of support and the presence of a crab bucket mentality among some women on here?

When I first joined Mumsnet, I hoped to find a community where mothers and women could uplift and support each other on a variety of topics, especially those concerning parenting, finances, and the cost of living. However, I've noticed a trend where instead of offering encouragement, there's no support and a race to the bottom mentality.

Shouldn't this space be about rallying together to support everyone in the UK? We should be annoyed at the government for creating the cost of living issues and we should push for them to make things better for future generations.

Recently, I read discussions on the cost of living, where some individuals seemed unable to empathise with those facing financial struggles. Some suggested that just because they did it that it shouldn’t be a problem for those on above average salaries and it is simply a “choice”. Even suggestions of just “relocating to cheaper areas” without considering the complexities of individual circumstances, simply because they did it several years ago. It's disheartening to see dismissive attitudes towards those who are genuinely struggling, whether they're living on a tight budget or facing high living costs in the South due to personal ties.

If we, as women, continue to tear each other down rather than lifting each other up, how can we ever hope to bring about positive change? Let's try to foster a culture of support and understanding.

The thing I like about mumsnet is its a vast range of different people with different backgrounds who can really see things from all angles and have no issue calling me out on my shit. If I want to talk to people who think the same as me or who wont be honest because they don't want to hurt my feelings I'd talk to the people in my real life but that's not always helpful.

Stop being so bloody reasonable fgs 😂

Where crabs in a bucket claw the ones who are trying to escape, back in.

Basically, everyone's being dragged down..

Oh well

🤣🤣🤣 it doesn't happen often

Hmmm. Your post contains a lot of things that you think women should be doing. Lots of "should do" this and that.

Not everyone will agree with you about the government (I'm not a Tory, but there are plenty of people on here who are, and that's fine). Plenty of people will already believe that the government is doing its best for future generations.

The difficulty with your post OP, is that it contains a lot of expectations that people will share your opinions and views. Not everyone will.

I don't see a lot of downright nasty posts, but I do see posts that are blunt. The problem is that with the written word it can be very difficult to discern tone. As others have said, this is typically more on AIBU - the specialist boards tend to be less blunt. AIBU/Chat are designed for sharing opinions really, whereas other boards are more naturally geared towards advice and support eg/SEN board, property, relationships etc.

I take your point that life is rarely as simple as the solutions that are sometimes offered, but as readers we all only get a glimpse into each others' lives. And sometimes it takes an outsider to offer up a radical solution, or to make you think seriously about an idea you'd previously dismissed.

And of course, there are sometimes those posts which are infuriating. Sometimes we just need to vent, and that's fine. But other cases where a poster expects some kind of magic solution where very clearly their expectations are unreasonable or unrealistic - it's hard to know what to say other than pointing out the obvious.

I think for sure there are posts which feel a bit harsher than others, but I think overall there are way more supportive, kind, helpful comments. And sometimes the most helpful comments are the ones that the poster doesn't really want to read - but probably needs to.

Also, the people that you're judging for not commenting kindly enough to those who are wealthier - you have no idea what they're going through. When Jenny is worried about how she's going to put food on the table for the rest of the week, it can be really hard to drum up empathy for Julie who's posting about whether she can afford to put her second child through private school. Sometimes, with the best will in the world, it's hard to be kind and supportive when you're struggling to survive. People aren't robots and emotions can influence what's said.

I don't think MN is any better or worse than other social media platforms. I like MN because it provides a really interesting cross-section of opinions - just look at this post, perfect example. Lots of varying comments and views and people disagreeing - that's what makes it such a fascinating place.

It really is.

The poster knows from real life and especially from MN, that 99% plus of the population don't need it specifying.

But they're usually the same posters that jump on to threads about Tory policies that disproportionately damage women as in single mothers, working mothers, public sector workers etc to announce they're going to vote Tory because 'they know what the definition of a woman is' and all those 'biological women' who are very literally suffering under a Tory government can just fuck off and be grateful that at least the Tories know what a woman is, when those women can't adequately house, feed or clothe their children..

I'm not based in Britain, so I don't have a much authority speaking about Tories. But I remember Thatcher etc, and how vicious she was. She really seemed to hate WC people. So I'm always baffled how anyone can align themselves with that party if I'm honest. Granted, I'd be a leftie by nature, but still. But, as I say, not based in Britain, so merely an outsider looking in.

I think the Tories have gotten worse since Thatcher. The level of arrogance and corruption now is off the scale, emboldened by what went on across the ocean with Trump.

While I agree with you and @Hesterbester - and my politics are very firmly to the left too - there are many women who feel as if they have no choice politically.

This isn't the thread to have this debate, but with Labour/Greens/SNP etc all willing to give away women's identity and jeopardise their safety, there are many left-wing women who feel that there's no option but to hold their nose and vote Tory. I think the rationale behind it is that once women's rights are given away, there will be no way to close Pandora's box. And I have to say I agree with that. If these changes are brought in, they won't get repealed. Conversely, no matter how shit the Tories are for women in a MULTITUDE of other ways - they are all things that can be undone in the future (eventually). It's a fucking awful choice. Women know the Tories are manipulating them for votes, but there's no other real alternative to protect women's spaces and rights.

I'm not saying I agree with that opinion or that people should vote Tory (!), but I think it's understandable. There's a whole heap of women who feel politically homeless and also believe that the next election will be a single-issue vote.

It's just a bag of shite all round - but I don't want to derail this post.

If that’s what you want, then it’s just going to be like being in an Echo Chamber, where you have to empathise and agree with someone who might be behaving badly, just because they’re a woman. Some women post on here because they genuinely don’t know if they’re being unreasonable., so it would be a waste of time if everyone was going to just agree with you.

That just isn’t true. It’s very possible to give advice ( even hard advice) without name calling or deriding. I’m genuinely stunned how many people don’t seem to see the difference.

The vast, vast majority of people don't call people names though. Really. There will always be arseholes, just like IRL.

In real life, I don’t know any British people that are that blunt and rude with name calling mostly as people aren’t anonymous. It is not a British characteristic to say what you mean unless drunk of course (joke).

It's not a website entirely frequented by British people.

To be fair though in one of my jobs a. Young woman I did get to meet some absolutely hideous upper class women that mocked me for my clothes as I couldn’t afford what they were wearing coming from your average middle class background. I won’t say which newspapers it was.

Newspaper not plural.

I agree some people on here are very quick to be nasty and make people look stupid.

It is not now but it was predominantly British forum and originated in London.

I think that’s part of it. A lot of repressed hostility being vented on an anonymous forum.

Well that's neither here nor there really is it?

Well it is as I think even now the majority of references cultural, educational, commercial, work wise are British, how can it not be relevant if that is the case. I think the average British personality does have a relevance to how they come across or the offence they take. I don’t know how you can’t argue that it is British dominated that’s ridiculous!

I said it's not entirely British. Not that it's not British dominated.

It is not that’s good read. Say for example higher education, it defaults to British unis. Discussions on term times or the state of education or teachers are mostly if not all about British schools.

British people don't say what they mean in real life - because culture. On an anonymous forum? I bet they do.

Well, ok, talk about petty, yes, people post on here who are not British or living in Britain but that’s beside the point. My point is about the response of a majority of posters is probably about the repressed personality that the poster above mentioned. Your average Brit is not brave enough tp be direct to someone in real life as culturally this is not something they do.