AIBU to feel disheartened by the lack of support and the presence of a crab bucket mentality among some women on here?

[NameChangeAsICouldBeOverReacting]

Is it unreasonable for me to feel disheartened by the lack of support and the presence of a crab bucket mentality among some women on here?

When I first joined Mumsnet, I hoped to find a community where mothers and women could uplift and support each other on a variety of topics, especially those concerning parenting, finances, and the cost of living. However, I've noticed a trend where instead of offering encouragement, there's no support and a race to the bottom mentality.

Shouldn't this space be about rallying together to support everyone in the UK? We should be annoyed at the government for creating the cost of living issues and we should push for them to make things better for future generations.

Recently, I read discussions on the cost of living, where some individuals seemed unable to empathise with those facing financial struggles. Some suggested that just because they did it that it shouldn’t be a problem for those on above average salaries and it is simply a “choice”. Even suggestions of just “relocating to cheaper areas” without considering the complexities of individual circumstances, simply because they did it several years ago. It's disheartening to see dismissive attitudes towards those who are genuinely struggling, whether they're living on a tight budget or facing high living costs in the South due to personal ties.

If we, as women, continue to tear each other down rather than lifting each other up, how can we ever hope to bring about positive change? Let's try to foster a culture of support and understanding.

You are mistaking women for robots. We are individual and human and its unfair to expect us to be part of some sort of "sisterhood" and not have our own views.

I wouldnt necessarily support someone just because they are woman (biological woman of course)

If someone makes choices that makes their life harder in one way but easier in another its for them to decide what the significant factor is. Others giving advice have simply made different decisions, thats all

Your post contains a lot of 'should do this, should do that'.

It's a forum, where there are many people writing whatever they feel like.

If it's not meeting your needs, or you feel it's not doing what you want it to be doing, then you have options.

The issue (in my view) is rose coloured glasses, you say you've been here a while and joined because you hoped to find a supportive space.

Well there have always been aresholes everywhere. If you post in boards that aren't known to be deliberately goady (ie not AIBU) then you'll get more support.

Oh I know. So annoying when silly women can’t even Mumsnet properly.

I don’t think you can expect people with very different life experiences in very different situations to agree on politics.

Not everyone views life as a crab bucket.

Pretty much everyone wants things to get better. They disagree how that will happen.

Other women aren't a raw resource to support your individual choices and play the jolly cheerleader.

I am very much unhappy with the government but it doesn't stop me from seeing than if you are a mature student struggling for money, it may not be advisable to have a car on finance. An expensive car too, judging by the fact that insurance comes to £300 a month.
Blindly cheering someone's decisions on the account of them being a member of a particular group is often unhelpful, sometimes dangerous.

It’s a forum with millions of users, you will get a broad range of opinions and views.

Women are not a homogeneous body of support workers.

It’s better to tell people the truth. I wish I knew about MN in my 20s.

I'm sorry but this reads as "I'm very privileged but less so than I used to be, I thought I could come here and moan and get patted but instead people told me that a joint income of circa £100k pa is plenty to be getting on with, even in the South East, and others have to make do in far less."

What the heck is a crab bucket mentality?

What on earth is a “crab bucket mentality”

Shouldn't this space be about rallying together to support everyone in the UK?
No. This website has people posting from all over the world which you would have known if you were a long time poster. You would also know about the monthly threads complaining about this site going downhill as well.

the presence of a crab bucket mentality among some women on here?
Men post here too. Why are you only kicking the women?

crab bucket mentality
What's that?

Not really. I like this forum for its brutal honesty! If you want platitudes and blind agreement talk to your friends.

I think she means stepping on other crabs/womento get to the top of the bucket and out.

This is an anonymous forum. Your expectations are too much. You have no idea who anyone is.

If a woman in the top 5% of earnings comes on here and moans about the COL because of her huge mortgage, no, I'm not going to be sympathetic.
I don't have binary opinions - women good, men bad etc

It's the story that if you put one crab in a bucket it will climb out.
But if you put lots in, none get out because as soon as one starts climbing up the others pull it down.

These threads never go well - you'll be inundated with replies telling you to get a grip.

I don't think MN ever has been a particularly supportive site. Not in my experience of on/off since about 2010.

Occasionally a thread on the main boards will take off and be popular, and I've heard some of the lesser known boards can be very supportive but on the whole, I don't think it's the place to come for support. Advice? Yes, but not support.

Bad women, having own thoughts. Bad Bad women.

This rather reminds me of Thatcher's comment in days of yore: 'there is no such thing as society'.
Ditto The Sisterhood.

I see @pootlin .

I agree with the majority of PP. We’re not a homogeneous group.

Some boards are very supportive though.

Mumsnet is an incredibly supportive place. I've been here 16 years.

However when someone needs their arse handed to them on a plate it's handed to them.

When someone needs tough love it's given.

Woman and men here are extremely aware of poverty and low incomes and are very supportive and knowledgable about it and where to get support.

Sometimes on AIBU people pile in unnecessarily but the trick is not to post on AIBU when you have an actual serious issue 😂

Agree with above poster that woman shouldn't be some kind of stereotypical "sisterhood". We've been fighting to be recognised as intelligent individuals who can contribute equally to the world for centuries.

Okay, maybe using the word “women” was the wrong choice and PEOPLE would have been better.

I only used women as it seems like the majority of people on here were women, but maybe I’ve got that totally wrong!

Are you saying I'm like a bucket of crabs? Two pigs wrestling in a sack would be closer.