To think pooled finances are probably only for long term couples who met young?

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I'm in my 40's and know a lot of long term (20 + years with and without kids) couples, not all of course but most where finances are all pooled and there isn't really any differentiation between "my money and your money" so to speak.

Do you think I am right to think that this doesn't really happen for couples who meet that bit later in life and typically finances are not pooled in the same way?

I am currently single and can't imagine totally pooling my finances with someone else giving them complete access to my money at this point. However I could see that if I was with someone I'd been with since I was 20 I'd probably be ok with doing this.

Anyone else noticed this difference or feel this way?

I think you’re probably right.
we have always pooled finances but we’ve been together for 30 years.

I agree. If you both come to the partnership with essentially nothing, then everything you have is built together.

Yes, that's how it's been for me at least. I love and trust my partner, but neither of us want to mingle finances wholly. Second marriage for both of us. We have a joint account for bills and separate account for our own use.

@Candleabra That is a good way of putting it!

Completely depends on circumstances.

It all comes down to mutual respect and trust.

We met at 30, married at 33 (now 43) and we have pooled finances, shared credit card etc. It never really occurred to us to do anything different, both of us are quite frugal so we know neither will go mad with the shared money

@PuttingDownRoots I suppose, however I suspect totally shared finances with free access is rare for couples who get together when older. Yes they possibly have shared investments or money in property but I'd guess most have separate accounts and savings as well.

It's easy to pool when you both have the same resources and same attitude.

Less easy, or indeed more risky when you have a lot of difference.

@Bushmillsbabe 30 is still fairly young I think but yes shared attitudes to money matter a lot.

Yep, probably true. Been with my partner for 15 years (since 21) and we got a joint account as soon as we moved in together, which was probably when we were about 23-25ish (can’t remember exactly)

Almost everything we both have has been accumulated in that time, we have each supported each other during lean times, so it would be impossible to untangle who earned what. It feels fair.

I probably wouldn’t do the same in another relationship if we were to split, because I’d be coming into the relationship with assets.

Yes, I think you are right. I met my future DH when I was 17 and got our first property with a mortgage at aged 20 when I wasn’t earning very much. I paid the mortgage whilst he paid everything else. We didn’t marry until 10 years later. My DH had/has no interest in money matters, so I’ve always looked after them. Plus when we first met, we were paid weekly in cash, so yes money was pooled together.

This is us. Married straight out of university.

If Dh died or we split up I’m not sure that I would be very keen to merge my assets with someone else.

I trust and respect DP and we’ve been together nearly a decade but there’s no way I’m ever going to pool finances with him! What if one of us wants to buy something and the other thinks it’s a waste of money? We each pay our share but I want to keep my independence and not have to run purchases by anyone else.

Surely it depends if you see each other as forever or as possibly forever? Though in some cases it’s presumably because one of you is irresponsible with money

This is a personal decision between the parties involved - there isn't a 'right' or 'wrong about it'.

We must be strange! We have been together for nearly 35yrs, we have never had a joint bank account.

We met mid 30s and pool money. Not doing it seems chaotic to me but I guess my head works differently to others. One account for all bills, joint savings and separate accounts for (the same) discretionary spending money.

That isn't my observation its just what I think most people are likely to do, not what I think is right or wrong.

I was married in my early 20s and we always had separate finances. I re married in my late 30s and we pooled finances from day 1 after marriage.

I think marriage will evolve into a bespoke contract so you agree beforehand what you will each provide for the other, and it will be reviewed at fixed points ie after children or after a fixed period. And it will be legally binding for the chosen period. I'm not sure how the details will work but I think the idea of being with one person for your whole life will gradually disappear over the next couple of hundred years.

For example if one you had a serious accident and was left dependent on the other... would you pool resources then? Or expect the disabled partner to live off their savings?

Yes, that's the way it is with us. Met at 19, now 46. So we both started the relationship with pretty much nothing financially. Everything we have, or don't have, has been built up by both of us as a team. We don't have his or my money, it's all just family money.

If I were to start afresh with someone new, I 100% would want some kind of protection or assurance that they couldn't just wander off with my money/property etc. Likewise I wouldn't expect access to everything that was theirs.

I also think the difference is that our pooled money now has brought up 3 kids who still need supporting. Any new partner would not be responsible for our kids, so that's another big complication.

That entirely depends on the relationship and each persons finances.

I completely agree, we were both single for a long time before we met, following long marriages and I can't imagine having pooled finances, we make joint financial decisions, we know how much each other earns, total transparency but we're both used to independence and prefer to keep separate accounts. We have a joint savings account but not current accounts.

We married in our 20s and have never had a joint account. We pay 50/50 for everything but having separate accounts means that we can each spend our money on what we want without bothering the other person.