To think pooled finances are probably only for long term couples who met young?

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I'm in my 40's and know a lot of long term (20 + years with and without kids) couples, not all of course but most where finances are all pooled and there isn't really any differentiation between "my money and your money" so to speak.

Do you think I am right to think that this doesn't really happen for couples who meet that bit later in life and typically finances are not pooled in the same way?

I am currently single and can't imagine totally pooling my finances with someone else giving them complete access to my money at this point. However I could see that if I was with someone I'd been with since I was 20 I'd probably be ok with doing this.

Anyone else noticed this difference or feel this way?

We met in our 30's. First series relationship for both of us. We never considered doing anything other than just pooling. It was literally in our marriage vows." all that I have I share with you"
I had 3 x maternity leave, he had 2 years unemployed and we just lived on whatever we had. I came into the marriage with a house and no savings, he had savings and no house. We sold my house and bought a doer upper and used his money to do it up.
I inherited money and we worked out what to spend on a big holiday, how much mortgage to pay off , what work to do on house and how much to save and I left him to it.
I agree with posters who say it only really works if you have a very similar attitude to money. Neither of us are big shoppers and we buy everything second hand where we can.
I don't mind how others sort their finances but I really really struggle to read that women are spending their savings to get through mat leave. It is as if the baby is nothing to do with the father?!

This for us too, we met when I was 33 and he was 38 and were married a year later, share everything but have similar attitudes with money so it's never been an issue. If I was ever single again and met someone then no probably not because I have a lot of children and I would want to spend my money on them how I saw fit, and wouldn't expect anyone in the future to be a parental figure to them

Married at 30 and 32, not sure I would consider that particularly young, both had bought our own individual properties etc pre marriage... we had no hesitation pooling everything. Since sold the separate properties and pooled into one bigger house. All savings shared and equal access to everything. Both of our sets of parents have always had pooled finances which I think made us both see this as normal.

7 Years together separate banks but I cam access his account and he can access mine we share all money together regardless

We’ve been together 30 years. I’ve cared for our son for 25 years and gave up work 18 years ago. My husband transfers money into my account monthly. We could just have a joint account but I like having my own account.

I don't agree but met hubby 30s pooled straight away and never any probs with it

Pooled finances if married.
Unmarried couples don't usually and split things or have a kitty.

I think this is it. DH and I were literally scrambling for change for cup-a-soup + macaroni when we first met at 22 (we could have called parents for help if we’d really had to but we were proud + wanted to figure it out ourselves) - gradually he got better jobs, and promotions and he unexpectedly inherited a lot more than he imagined he would from a grandparent - and I stayed on teacher money.

absolutely no way that if we met now it would feel like I was entitled to equal access to it all - but somehow, because we had nothing when we met, it feels more comfortable to share. Maybe it’s because we both know we’d choose each other anyway.

I met my husband at 39 and we pooled it. I pad the deposit on our house and he paid the mortgage. When we had kids I became a SAHP and he paid for everything and we discussed big purchases like a TV. It was one sided then, but he never made me feel lessor for it. His money was our money.

This is often a point of contention/discussion for us - 50s, married, together for 13 years. I earn 25% of our total income, DH is a very high earner. Currently everything is joint but I feel overly scrutinised and he wants me to give him a heads up every time I buy myself something on the basis that he tells me when he does. We have a lot of liquid assets and I think those should stay joint with personal spending accounts.

We share finances, been together since uni 30 yrs ago.
I think when you meet later you will both have own assets and possibly responsibilities that you don't want to/can't risk and so it would be more.prudent to keep independent earnings .

We don’t and I wouldn’t want to, theoretically it wouldn’t make a difference as we earn roughly the same amount but for instance he is overly generous (I’m not being tight he really is overly generous) in paying for family and friends when it comes to meals or evenings out and it would piss me off if I felt that was coming from my income too.

We have pooled finances. I met husband at 30 though so not that young!

If you truly love and trust your partner it's a no brainer. We met at uni and have been married 30 years. Sadly people who get together later often don't seem to have the same bond.

When you're older, if someone screws you over, you don't have enough time to start again from scratch and get back to the same level.

When you're younger, you can take more financial risks, as you have more earning years ahead of you.

It always gets doled out on mumsnet and is seen as ideal if you are married. I have never had a joint account with dh and never intend to. When I earned more I paid more, now he does. We pay for specific bills and then the rest of the money in our accounts is for us to do as we wish. It works for us. We both have savings and consider that family money, we are respectful of each other so if either of us was going to make a big purchase we would talk about it. As it stands that is rare, I'm saving for doing up our ensuite and he's saving for our next holiday. Our common goal is the wellbeing and security of our family and we manage in a way that suits us.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way just whatever works for you.

I think it depends more on your spending habits. We pool finances but keep a hundred each per month, it's up to us if we save that or spend it.

It was important to me we had our own accounts for spending money because I know too many couples with very different spending habits that fritter away joint account money and fall out over it. We also have separate credit cards so we can build independent credit ratings.

We have been together since we were young.

I also know couples who got together in their late 40s and pool finances. Different things for different people.

Separate finances here. Been together 25 years and are in early 50s. We have our money to pay bills then our own money for other stuff. We pay 50/50 for holidays etc. It’s all our money as we married but it’s all kept separate. I play the interest rate game with accounts. He doesnt. Can’t imagine having one pot of money. I have spreadsheets for my accounts !

We'll be pooling. Otherwise whats the point just feels like one or the other is not fully committed. One foot in one out just in case. You've either got skin in the game or you haven't.

Married at 42 (f) and 45 (m)

M divorced and with no financial ties to ex as paid out one lump sum, and F widowed.

Everything is joint, which I guess makes us unusual based Ion the comments here but seems perfectly normal and straightforward to us.

You may well be right. Dh and I have been together for a very long time, and all money, from whatever source, has always been ‘ours’.

TBH I only know one couple who met a lot later in life - both 2nd marriages - and finances were strictly his and hers. But he had a lot more than she did, and was notoriously tight with money - unless it was for something he wanted, for himself. Personally I’d have found that difficult to live with - meanness is such a very unattractive trait.

We pooled everything when we got married. Met in our 30's/40's.

I can understand not doing so if one person has a lot more assets than the other and they aren't married.

But if you're going to get married, I don't really understand why you wouldn't.

Why would you commit to spending the rest of your life with someone as family but not share money with them? That is just odd to me.

it all comes down to mutual respect and trust.

It really doesn't in later in life relationships. In say your 40's, when you're no longer looking for someone to create a family with, you're likely to be far pickier in your choice of partner and you wouldn't consider anyone if there wasn't mutual respect or trust. Not pooling resources is more likely to be because you're protecting your children's inheritance and because once you become financially stable and independent it would be very weird to blend everything again.

What it does come down to is a degree of parity and similar attitudes to money and spending

Although we do pool everything, I’m very aware , as has been pointed out. It’s probably because we came into the relationship pretty equally. Neither had a house etc. I earnt more but we were early twenties so it wasn’t a huge amount. We also didn’t properly pool until we had children. It was at that point it seemed unfair to us when I was on maternity leave, worked part time etc. plus generally most spare money gets spent on the kids anyway. Again though, if I met someone later in life and one of us had kids/ property etc I think it would be different. It’s circumstances.

I think you're right. We've been together 18 years since we were 18 and 19 respectively. All our accounts are joint. I know some people who think that's insane but they are all couples who got together later in life than we did. I think it's like a PP said, there's a sense that everything we've built, we've built together.

We do have a budgeting app though and things like birthday money we get given we generally keep in separate 'pots' that are specific to us individually and we can spend as we want.

The only time it's hard is buying each other gifts! We have a category for that in our budget and keep it decently topped up, come birthdays one of us spends from that category and the other ignores it 😂Sounds a bit unromantic put that way.

But couples who have separate finances it feels hard work too, they go on holiday for example and seem to have to keep tabs a bit on whose bought what to keep it equal. Which feels weird to me. I guess that could be solved by jointly paying equal money into a travel card or something.