To think pooled finances are probably only for long term couples who met young?

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I'm in my 40's and know a lot of long term (20 + years with and without kids) couples, not all of course but most where finances are all pooled and there isn't really any differentiation between "my money and your money" so to speak.

Do you think I am right to think that this doesn't really happen for couples who meet that bit later in life and typically finances are not pooled in the same way?

I am currently single and can't imagine totally pooling my finances with someone else giving them complete access to my money at this point. However I could see that if I was with someone I'd been with since I was 20 I'd probably be ok with doing this.

Anyone else noticed this difference or feel this way?

Pooled finances here since the day we got married in our 20s. DP has brought a lot more to the partnership in financial terms (came with property and has worked full time) whereas I have had a lot of time out rearing children but I have worked hard to maintain our family life in other ways, as well as a part time job. We don't argue about money.

I pooled money with first now exh. He cleaned out our account once I told him I wanted a divorce. I have a joint account with DH 2. I also have separate finances. We earn about the same so both put an equal amount into joint account and pay all bills from there. If he wanted to borrow money if his car broke or anything I'd happily lend him money. I know he'd pay it back. On gifts for people we go 50/50. He buys me generous gifts from his own money. I reciprocate from my money.

Agree with this - we met at university, moved in together after we finished our degree. All debt accrued in uni is separate but everything since we started earning has always been a shared endeavour. Helps that for the first 5 years we both earned nearly the same. However with Mat leaves and part time working, everything is now pooled, although we get paid into individual accounts.

anyone I met later in life, I don’t think is entitled to pension etc. agree with previous poster regarding building things together.

Agree. When we got our first house we had sep accounts and paid in 50.50. Then we got married got a bigger house had children and now it's in one pot. We've been together for 27 years so it works for us ( even though I earn more and it annoys me sometimes)

I got together with my husband early 20s but we have never pooled our finances and I never would. In some ways I do of course think of it as our ‘joint’ money and as the higher earner, would always pay for anything needed, we pay our fair shares etc. But the minor additional convenience of having a joint account does not, for me, outweigh the huge disadvantages of losing financial independence and having to discuss spending with someone else. In almost all couples I know where finances are pooled, one person is in reality ‘in charge’ of money, even if in a totally benign way. It’s not for me.

Probably right. With my first proper boyfriend we didn't have a joint account but he was ten years older than me and had saved a lot and earned a lot more than me.
However with my now DH we were roughly the same age (mid twenties) and we got a joint account after about a year together.
Mid 40s now and if we were to split up I'm not sure I'd want to join finances with a new partner.

I agree with you OP. DH and I met at 22/23 and have completely pooled finances, but if we split up and I was in a new relationship I think I would want to keep our money separate.

We met around age 30 and pooled everything. I think if either of us already had kids that would have changed things.

I agree. It's much more complicated when previous marriages, children, property, child maintenance etc are involved.

Its a difficult one especially if you've got kids.....

My wife and I have been together 30+ years and always pooled our money. I always earned a LOT more than she did so it seemed a bit unfair. How would it work if she ran out of money before the end of the month and I had loads left?

Also, when we had kids she worked part-time how would that work? Surely you can't then say tough my money is my money when shes looking after your kids?
(Or perhaps she cross charges you for childcare?)

I dunno if you're together you're together if you know what I mean. Why worry about whos got the most money - it shouldn't matter.

I met my late husband at Uni when I was 19, we didn't pool finances initially - straight out of Uni he earnt a lot more than me. However he was absolutely rubbish with money, so after I paid his overdraft off for the second time - his salary went straight into the joint account.
He did have a bank card but used to pay cash for everything so if he didn't have it he couldn't spend it.
He died when I was just into my forties.
My new partner & I have separate finances as we both have children (mine still at home). We go 50/50 on large purchases but for the day to day he gives me an amount we are both happy with we live in my house but he has his own.
He is also significantly older than me & his house/investments are for his children. The same as my children already own half of my house as they inherited directly from their Dad.
It just doesn't make sense to us & could get very complicated but we both know the details of each others situation & we have paid for things for each other if that helps one of us get a better investment or interest rate then we both benefit in the long run.

I’ve been with my DH since 24, so 20+ years, and we have separate finances. 🤷‍♀️

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C17rjKvPzZT/?igsh=ZXI2Nm5hM2llZWtm

Interesting, lots of points of view but on balance most people seem to broadly agree with me.

I met DH when I was 30 and when we moved in and had a baby (all very quickly), we immediately had shared finances. We have no concept of "your money" and "my money", only family money.

We both earn roughly the same and contribute the same amount to our pensions etc. If it was more unequal then I might see why people wouldn't share finances.

My parents have been married for over forty years and have never pooled their finances together.

I think this is a fair assessment in general.
When two parties enter a relationship with significant assets it is normal to protect those assets should the marriage end. Eg if you are someone from a wealthy family you would want to ensure you protected the family's wealth from the risk of it being claimed in a divorce. This is entirely normal and natural whatever the age of the parties when they marry. Marrying later in life is often closer to this situation, where both parties have assets they want to ring fence.

Id you are thinking that way, you should not have children.

@NoisySnail Well I am mid 40's so that is kind of my point, once you are older that kind of "all in" relationship is kind of behind you.

Possibly, my husband and I (24yrs together - more that half our individual lives) have put in very unequal amounts in terms of finances, but that’s due to later inheritance. Over the years (and well before marriage) we have supported each other through studying, training, multiple redundancy etc. We have absolutely no financial hold or control over each other and although we have very different spending habits, this is also a part of our relationship and support for each other and allows us to be both sensible with money and to treat ourselves occasionally and alleviate guilt so doing so.

If we were to divorce, all assets would be held in the children’s names. As I understand it, everything would be 50/50 despite input anyway so why bother having his and hers whilst together. Plus I would hate for him to feel indebted to me or vice versa. I can’t understand having an imbalance of money and do feel this sentiment would be toxic in a relationship, but i guess it works for some. If we disregarded inheritance, I wouldn’t have clue where to start with who put in what, even if we only thought about finances. We are a team and we work, live and play together. That said, I do have a very selfish and expensive hobby, whilst his hobbies are family and life enhancing - these hobbies maintain our mental health and well-being so to our minds, worth the extraneous benefits or costs as they may be viewed.

we have pooled finances but we don’t consult each other on purchases…. We trust each other and don’t question each others needs. We would obviously discuss larger purchases but is anyone with separate finances really doing a kitchen extension or buying an expensive car without talking about it with their other halves? How much would you spend ‘independently’ before you considered your partners opinion…?

I've been with my Husband since I was a teenager, we don't have pooled finances and never will.

It is probably more common in those who got together younger, but every couple of different

Pooled finances with Dh not long after getting together, and when I worked full time. When we had kids and I became a sahm I had a separate account and we had separate finances and a joint account. Back at work now and back to joint but managed. Been together 23 years and I’m 43.

We have separate finances and would only discuss larger purchases if it would directly affect the other person such as your example of a kitchen extension but if I wanted a new car, I wouldn’t need to discuss it with DH first because it wouldn’t affect him at all and it would be my money so my choice.

I don't agree at all, if I procreate with someone, I'm pooling finances, what ever time of life

I agree. DH and I have been together for 36 years since we were 17 and 21 and had nothing. All our money is shared including inheritances

I would definitely not share finances now with a new partner if we were to separate

Yes probably you are right. We met in our early 20s and got married and had kids. We are now in our 60s and always had joint accounts but we also both had personal accounts but the personal spends for both of us are the same. Prior to kids we both earned the same. Post kids I worked part time for a while so my husband earned more than me then I went back full time so income similar again. Now our pension income is the same. I think if you are on a second marriage or long term relationship it would be harder to pool finances due to previous circumstances.