To think pooled finances are probably only for long term couples who met young?

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I'm in my 40's and know a lot of long term (20 + years with and without kids) couples, not all of course but most where finances are all pooled and there isn't really any differentiation between "my money and your money" so to speak.

Do you think I am right to think that this doesn't really happen for couples who meet that bit later in life and typically finances are not pooled in the same way?

I am currently single and can't imagine totally pooling my finances with someone else giving them complete access to my money at this point. However I could see that if I was with someone I'd been with since I was 20 I'd probably be ok with doing this.

Anyone else noticed this difference or feel this way?

I was flamed for saying something similar a while back OP and a personal ‘friend’ told me that me and DH were ‘weird’ for having separate finances.
We pay half for everything and once all the bills have gone out we’ve always made sure we’ve each got the same amount of “disposable” income to be getting on with because the only reason one of us has had a slightly lower net income than the other is because one of us has always been dealing with before and after school childcare.
I wouldn’t share an account with DH because he is stingy/ spends money on crap and I am generous and spend a lot on clothes. I think it’s healthier for us to keep it separate.

I met DH when I was 25. Don't know if that counts as young, but we've never pooled finances. Been together over 30 years.

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Never really thought about it, but you've probably got a good point. Dh and I fit into that category. We pooled our money from when we got engaged and money is just ‘ours’. In lots of ways it's great, especially once we had children and I cut down my hours. I didn't feel penalised for it, because I still had access to ‘our’ money and my dh has NEVER made any comment about him being the higher earner now, we just mutually adjusted to the loss of income and got on with thing!

I think if I’d had the last 2 decades with just ‘my’ money, pooling it probably would make me feel vulnerable and like I'm losing some independence. Which is funny in a way, because not pooling our money now (after 2 decades) would make me feel very vulnerable and more dependant!

We have joint savings and a joke account for bills food shopping but separate accounts for our own spending. We have been together since our mid 20’s and have never argued over money once. My others who had fully pooled funds were never done arguing about money and I would hate that.

I also wouldn’t feel right spending ‘our money’ on myself but feel ok spending my own money. Also it would spoil surprises if we could see specific transactions. I mentioned I liked a certain thing to DH and he bought it as a surprise whereas if I saw the transaction I’d have guessed as it’s not a shop we’d frequent otherwise.

We met at 29 and got married in our mid-thirties. We have a joint account that we contribute to equally (we have similar incomes) but manage the rest of our money independently. The joint account covers virtually all bills, mortgage payments, food shops, days out. Larger joint purchases are discussed but we do as we see fit with our own money.

Not sure what the situation would be if incomes were unequal - we'd probably find a way to make it fair.

I think that is most likely going to be true.

I'd never agree to pooling finances.

I got married when I was 50. We both had our own savings and I had an adult daughter with children. I wasn't going to deprive her of her 'inheritance' such as it is. We keep our finances completely separate and own our house as tenants in common. We pay equally into a joint account and the rest is to spend or save as we like.

We do a halfway house, where we have a joint account which pays all bills, food and has extra put in each month to cover miscellaneous stuff for the house or trips out. We pay into this account proportionate to our take home pay (so I pay more). All other money remains with us.

For me, it's a psychological thing. I like to have some of my own money- money that I can 'waste' on whatever I want without having to explain. It's the same for DH. However, even though we then save separately, it's a silent agreement that this is still joint money. If either of us needed something, or we had a large expense planned for the house, then this would come from our pots.

We met when I was 18 and been together over a decade so it's been working well for us.

Yes, I tend to agree.

DH and I only pooled our finances from the start of our marriage. We only got married because we wanted DC.

If I were to end up in another relationship then I would want to protect my DC's inheritance. I would never remarry.

I have been with DH for 33 years and married for 24 and we don't pool resources. I have my bank accounts he has his. I have a separate account we call joint and he pays into it and bills and food come out of that.

I agree I think it’s definitely less likely especially if a person has been married before & also if they already have kids of their own, they aren’t going to want to pool finances.

I do think maybe it’s less about age though and maybe more about what stage of life the person/relationship is at, or is going to go through. For example I think a couple who are planning on having kids together are much more likely to pool finances because actually they are going to need to if the mum is going to take a years maternity leave, reduce earning potential to raise those kids, pension loss, without pooling finances therr would be a lot of transferring money back and forth to each other “I paid £30 for her school shoes so send me £15, I paid £25 for her piano lesson send me £12.50” etc, so the pooling is almost necessary to work with that? And that could obviously be the case for a couple who meet at 35 and have kids a year later or a couple at 35 who have been together for 15 years by then. Whereas 2 people who meet at 35 who don’t have kids and don’t want kids together probably see no need to pool finances at all because they both have their own jobs & income independently and so it’s really simple to just say pay £x into joint account for bills and keep the rest

We have our own accounts but have roughly split the bills and spending in line with our earnings. We freely transfer money between each other if we need to - I ask him to transfer to me and vice Versa.
So pooled but not in the traditional sense.
It has worked for us for more than 10 years, I was 21 when we got together. Mid 30s now.

I was 20 when we got married and we have been together 29 years but we have a mix of joint and individual accounts and have a set up that would make it as simple as possible to split our finances if we broke up. Even back in the day of endowment mortgages we had one each for half the value for the same reason.

I met DH at school, we have a joint account we both pay a proportion of our salaries into we have joint savings etc, we both have the same disposable fun money each each month in our own accounts I save some of mine, I don't know if DH does I doubt it but that's up to him, how do you ever buy presents, surprises etc if everything just comes out of one account? We have DC but that doesn't mean either of us should have no financial independence or privacy.

This is us. But I’d also add that we have the same attitude to money ~ we’ve worked too hard and too long to waste it. We’ve had really hard times too and are just in the habit of watching our spending and not splurging even though we can now afford it.

Yes. We met later in life and have kept finances separate.

I think you're probably right, we have one account that everything goes into and out from. But we did meet young and everything we have we built together. Also we are both similar spending wise, we earn well and don't mind paying for something special, but we have similar day to dsy spending habits. I imagine if you had a frugal type and a spender it would be tougher.

Now with some actual net worth and children, I am not sure I would arrange finances like this again if we split and I met someone new

I agree with this completely.
Me and DH together 27 years, met at Uni, so everything we have is/was a joint effort. He has always worked full time, and me part time since have DC. He could never have got to where he is in his career without me doing that.

I can totally see why people wouldn't want to pool finances at a later stage, very different situation.

Me too been married in our twenties , everything we have was done together . 30+ years . Just , we've known each other all of our lives .
I know it's not everyone's style but it works for us .

We've been together 27 years 50 and 54 and we are a joint dc for bills but after that we each have our own money and own account. We each buy food and share the cost of takeaways etx but we would both hate to pool all of our money and not have our own accounts. Everybody needs some independence.

We met in late 30s (me) and early 40s (him) and bought a house together when I was 37 and he was 44. Second marriage for him, I wasn't married before but was engaged for a long time. We have completely pooled finances, savings and joint credit card.

Don’t think so. We have fairly aligned views on money, are open about savings and spends. We have a, fairly recent, joint account for bills. But own accounts for everything else.

been together 17 years, second marriage for him, he’s got kids.

it is different when you have previous commitments.

of my friends who have got second relationships none of them have completely shared finances. Some are more fluid than others.

one who has a complex recharging method…but she did that in all her relationships.

I think it’s what ever works for you. We used to have separate accounts and a joint account and just put a percentage of our pay in the joint account to cover bills etc, But maternity leaves and part time working made it easier to just completely pool money, so we both always had access etc even when not earning. Luckily we are on the same page financially and we really never argue about money. Basically only began pooling mid thirties but had been together since mid twenties. Guess that sort of fits your theory.

We've never pooled and been together 32 years and married for 23.
DH is a spender, I a saver. He out earns me x 4. We pay into a joint account proportional to our income for all bills and the rest of our monies are to spend or save as we wish.
No need to run anything by each other.