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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What to say to sexist salesman asking for my 'husband' to be present for quote? Should i say something?

332 replies

Sailawaygirl · 04/04/2024 11:52

So man selling windows (well known company) came to door saying he had done some work on a house up street and they have a good deal atm ect ect. It just so happens I do need new windows and getting quotes is on my todo list so for once door knock could be helpful. ( i will obviously contact more than just his company but its a start)

my AIBU is --- in door step conversation he asks if we own house ( obviously important). he then asks if I have a husband, I say yes ( we arent married but I know what he means and he is probably asking for finance reasons ect)
He then says he wants to come back ' when my husband is around' so he can talk to us both!!!!! i say DP is working today but window man can come back to give me a full quote latter in day. He then insists on coming when 'husband' is back from work or at a weekend so husband can have quote!!! I tell sales person that i deal with quotes and DIY stuff and to just deal with me. Its a loose quote im not going to sign on dotted line today! He says it so i can choose what colour handles on doors ect!!!! I tell him im more interested in energy efficiency and cost and that i dont want him to come when DP is back from work as this impacts family time.
Then when he takes my details and asks for my title - i say ms , he says mrs and then miss and i correct no ms.

How can a salesman be so out of tune with the times? he wasn't an older sales person either!!!!

He said someone would phone me for feedback after, AIBU to bring up that i felt he had a sexist attitude? how do i phrase it constructively

OP posts:
JMSA · 04/04/2024 13:26

So, so annoying and sexist.

BUT, if I were to play devil's advocate, I'd say that many women verbally commit ... only to take it back later because their husbands have said no.

Original poster
Sailawaygirl · 04/04/2024 13:27

Update. Someone just called from the office with the words ' xx came to your door are you still happy to have the appt because it can catch you off guard do you still want to go ahead. '

OP posts:
Applescruffle · 04/04/2024 13:27

JMSA · 04/04/2024 13:26

So, so annoying and sexist.

BUT, if I were to play devil's advocate, I'd say that many women verbally commit ... only to take it back later because their husbands have said no.

I've never once found this in four years. In fact, I don't think I've ever had anyone verbally commit that didn't go on to sign a contract.

MargaretThursday · 04/04/2024 13:29

I've had them refuse to talk to dh on his own, even when I've told them to because they don't want one party saying yes then other say no.

Tagyoureit · 04/04/2024 13:31

Its a sales tactic as many have said, they want you both there so they sell to you and get you both on board at the same time.

As for your offence to choosing the colour, why would you not want to choose the colour, handle type etc? Surely, that's part of the buying process?

Though I get the 'Ms, Miss, Mrs' crap, he was being a bit of a knob about that.

JosiePosey · 04/04/2024 13:34

Sailawaygirl · 04/04/2024 12:06

I would understand if he had said ' would you like me to come back when your partner is in' or do you want to discuss it ect ect.

What every quote he is giving is going to be valid for a year - so he was trying hard not to be too 'pushy' rather than the ' this deal only valid on doorstep boloocks

They 'knock down' the overinflated price if you sign on the day there and then. Thats why they want both decision makers there. Its all about getting a signature on the dotted line and nothing to do with sexism.

DPotter · 04/04/2024 13:34

I've been having the same problem with solar panels. Have been trying since before Covid to get proper quotes, but they'll only come if both DP and me there are. I'm the one who wants them and will be arranging and paying, but no, they have to have both.

It's definitely a tactic to get you sign up on the day. Next time I can be bothered, I'll say I'm single!

onemoremile · 04/04/2024 13:34

PotatoPudding · 04/04/2024 12:27

It’s not sexist. It’s the law for both home owners to be present for windows, solar panels, etc.

Don't be ridiculous. Of course it isn't 'the law'.

DPotter · 04/04/2024 13:35

name that law!

Funnily enough we've had windows and doors done in the past (and a kitchen too). Local companies and only one of use present, ie me!

Crazymadchickenlady · 04/04/2024 13:42

We had this with Dunraven. Thought I was going to have to call the police to get him out of the house in the end. Never again!! We go with a local reputable company who is in and out in 10 mins and doesn't care who is there. He leaves a quote and then says to ring if we want to order them.

LouisePlease · 04/04/2024 13:45

I've had this both with windows and when buying my car.

I was buying my current car. First time I've bought a new car outright. I knew what I wanted. The guy asked me if I needed to run it past my husband. I said no, and let it slide. Went through the details, he double checked with the actual words "sure you don't want to run it by "hubby"". He didn't get the sale. He also didn't get why. I don't even have a fucking hubby. Bizarre. But definitely sexist.

Lifebeganat50 · 04/04/2024 13:45

For me the words “fuck off” would be the only ones I’d use
I oversaw an entire house reno, doors/windows/boiler, the lot, and not one person even asked if I had a husband. I can’t be doing with that

I’ve previously walked out of a car showroom when a salesman kept speaking anti my husband despite dh saying “speak to my wife, the car’s for her”

CactusMactus · 04/04/2024 13:48

Where are you? I can recommend a great window company who did all my windows and were polite and respectful, in London.

inabubble3 · 04/04/2024 13:52

Yup it’s because they want you to sign there and then….

this also speaks volumes about the company in itself doesn’t it?

Mairzydotes · 04/04/2024 14:00

Often cold calling window companies will be selling a finance plan/ credit agreement. It's not the product they are flogging, it's the repayment plan. They are less keen for people to buy windows outright(people who are doing that usually get their windows elsewhere)

Both adults in the household are responsible for repayment. That is why they need both members present to sign the contract.

Doris86 · 04/04/2024 14:01

It’s nothing to do with sexism. It’s just part of their hard sell tactics. Making sure both decision makers are there, so you can’t use the ‘I need to check with my other half first’ before signing on the dotted line excuse.

If your husband had made the appointment, then they would have asked him to make sure you were there.

Best not to do business with these kind of companies anyway. Find a decent local company who’ll give you an honest quote and leave you go think about it, rather than one the big companies who over inflate prices, give you a big ‘discount’ if you sign up today, and still end up charging you double what you should be paying.

CleverLemonCat · 04/04/2024 14:02

I am constantly hassled by door to door salesmen and wouldn't touch any of the companies with a bargepole. Need to get my windows replaced, so are there any mumsnetters on here with a recommendation for local firms in north east /North lincs area?

wombat15 · 04/04/2024 14:03

I think they prefer both home owners to be there as they want to pressure you to sign on the dotted line rather than just give you a quote that you can think about and compare with others. I hate this kind of sales tactic though and would just tell them to give you a quote or you will go elsewhere.

SwordToFlamethrower · 04/04/2024 14:05

He is preempting husband being a gatekeeper, so he wants to sell to you both so that can't be a rejection. The colours bit is sexist but most women would actually only care about the colours and trims so he is actually doing what works, the majority of the time.

I used to work in sales and unfortunately, men and women often have these differing priorities!

I say that as a woman who usually handles the stuff a man would be expected to.

RaraRachael · 04/04/2024 14:08

I had similar with Wren kitchens. I own the house and have done since before OH moved in. I pay for everything to do with it and was buying a new kitchen with money from when my mother died. OH couldn't care less what the kitchen looked like tnh

So we get to the Wren showroom and they guy looked at the paperwork "Oh, Rachael X" Then turns to OH and says "We'll have to get your name on this too" When I asked why I was incapable of ordering a kitchen without a man, he sort of mumbled awkwardly and sent another salesperson to deal with us.

After that, I had no intention of buying anything from them.

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 04/04/2024 14:08

Could have written some of these replies. We are trying to buy new glazing at the moment, grief, not impressed and four suppliers and counting!

someonethatyoulovetoomuch · 04/04/2024 14:11

I called a company for a quote for new windows, they said they would arrange to send someone out when me & my husband were both home. I said it was fine to just see him because he works from home and I don’t, but they were quite insistent on coming when both of us were there. It’s obviously a sales tactic, a really fucking annoying one because I don’t want to take half a day off to get a quote for windows that my husband is perfectly capable of getting without me.

fiorentina · 04/04/2024 14:12

I had this previously, I understand if it was more ‘are there any others who’d be involved in the decision making process’ but saying they won’t speak to the ‘wife’ alone is embarrassing for them.
I told him I had a partner but owned the house myself and he still wasn’t happy. Needless to say I didn’t go with them..

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 04/04/2024 14:13

The 'both be there' is a thing, it seems!https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/s59haz/window_company_asking_for_both_man_and_woman_to/?rdt=60273

Somepeoplearesnippy · 04/04/2024 14:14

Lots of sales people won't bother to if the 'decision making unit' (normally meaning both partners in a couple) isn't present. It's not sexist. It's part of high pressure selling.

Recently I was negotiating with a tradesman about some fairly expensive work on the house. We'd agreed terms and a start date when he hesitated and said 'don't you want to run this past your husband?' I laughed out loud and said 'He is far too busy and important for me to bother his pretty little head with household matters!'

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