What to say to sexist salesman asking for my 'husband' to be present for quote? Should i say something?

[Sailawaygirl]

So man selling windows (well known company) came to door saying he had done some work on a house up street and they have a good deal atm ect ect. It just so happens I do need new windows and getting quotes is on my todo list so for once door knock could be helpful. ( i will obviously contact more than just his company but its a start)

my AIBU is --- in door step conversation he asks if we own house ( obviously important). he then asks if I have a husband, I say yes ( we arent married but I know what he means and he is probably asking for finance reasons ect)
He then says he wants to come back ' when my husband is around' so he can talk to us both!!!!! i say DP is working today but window man can come back to give me a full quote latter in day. He then insists on coming when 'husband' is back from work or at a weekend so husband can have quote!!! I tell sales person that i deal with quotes and DIY stuff and to just deal with me. Its a loose quote im not going to sign on dotted line today! He says it so i can choose what colour handles on doors ect!!!! I tell him im more interested in energy efficiency and cost and that i dont want him to come when DP is back from work as this impacts family time.
Then when he takes my details and asks for my title - i say ms , he says mrs and then miss and i correct no ms.

How can a salesman be so out of tune with the times? he wasn't an older sales person either!!!!

He said someone would phone me for feedback after, AIBU to bring up that i felt he had a sexist attitude? how do i phrase it constructively

Just shut the door. Anyone asking this question is (i) demonstrating obvious sexism - as a man, I've never had a similar thing said to me - and (ii) in the business of pressure selling and getting signatures on a contract before they leave your home.

The only reason he needs both partners there is so that he can get commitment before he leaves - a sure sign that the company he works for isn't confident anyone would choose them if they had time to compare quotes and read reviews!

Some years ago a window company refused to come and quote unless my husband was also
there. He worked away at the time and there was no way we were going to give up family time for a window quote so we refused to allow him to quote.

it was probably one of those companies that start at a hugely high price then end up super cheap.

It's a high pressure sales technique as old as the hills. Don't let them over your doorstep. Do your research and find another company.

"I am the decision maker. So you either give me the quote or you don't bother and I will take my custom elsewhere".

TBH these days its actually less about sexism and wanting to make sure they don't waste their time quoting to you and then having to come back again to speak to the spouse.

i can understand that in the past but its much more common now for women to be the higher earner and 'take charge'. My DP is terrible at dealing with tradespeople and quotes and I earn the money ( what little there is atm) and do this type of life admin.

I do think as pp said it could be trying not to waste time. Having both homeowners present to agree on what they want and pricing seems reasonable. Avoids "No I'm not paying for this I wasn't consulted and did not agree to it." Could be he has prior issues. I had a driving instructor(ages ago)that would only deal with df and allow me to drive with him if df was there. Turns out he had prior accusations from a female student about misconduct so he made sure to not be alone with any women after that. Could be he was a stoneage asshole.

I understand that they may have a policy of not wasting time when there are joint homeowners/decision makers. However it is shocking that he used the default “husband” to ask you if anyone else was a decision-maker, and also the assumption that a married woman would be called “Mrs”.
How can someone who deals with the public be so old-fashioned?

I’d have been tempted to say “No, I don’t have a husband but I am one-third of a throuple, let me find a time when Katie and Mike are both available..”

I think you might live on my street!!!! The exact same thing happened to me yesterday!

My life rule number two:

Never ever buy anything from someone knocking at your door.

Don't do business with any of the larger providers who adopt those sorts of tactics. It's the beginning of a pressure selling spiel.

Find yourself a good reputable independent supplier who will do a better job for half the price and none of the nastiness.

If you say which town you are near, I'm sure someone on Mumsnet will give you a recommendation of a decent local company.

It’s not sexist. It’s the law for both home owners to be present for windows, solar panels, etc.

I had similar with a kitchen salesman who was both ageist and sexist. I was a single woman. It was one of the major companies.

Ha ha no it’s not “the law”!

(I’m a lawyer)

It's poor sales tactics.

People should be able to quote and accept that people want time to go away and get alternative quotes and make considered decisions.

Poor companies don't do that.

@PotatoPudding It is not the law at all. Don't talk nonsense. Who spun you that line?

I can't believe companies are still doing this! Decades ago, when I was married, I was getting quotes for work. Anglian wanted only to come out when my then-husband was home. I said that's not necessary, you will be looking at the job and then giving me a quote. I am perfectly able to facilitate that, without my husband being there. We have other companies quoting. Once we have the quotes we will discuss and decide. But no, they just wouldn't accept this, no matter how many times I told them that nothing would be decided or signed. For some reason, we did make an appointment. They cancelled an hour before. Then did that again. Then when I said I not longer wanted them to quote, they said it was my fault they had cancelled. Hassled me by phone for several weeks afterwards, until I said I would call the police if they didn't stop calling.

Went with a small local company in the end, who quoted after just meeting me, and who was not required to come and "explain it all over again" to my husband!

Tossers. Don't fall for it OP. Find a better company, by recommendation if possible.

YANBU and you should bring it up. Just say that younfelt the salesperson was making inappropriate assumptions about your domestic arrangements and that he should not have pushed back when you clarified that you were the person to deal with and that this came across as sexist

really? i have a quote from my boiler man - to me no 'husband present' and i am also going to get quotes for other heating systems inc solar and heat pump, which is why i need new windows if i go down that route. Will 'husband' have to be present for all of those appts?

I think i am going to make him to a reveres and contact another big brand and see if they want 'wife' present?

Not defending it but if you work with the public year after year you can’t help but spot patterns and then you avoid what is likely to waste your time.

I stand corrected. It was what a solar panel company told my husband when he wanted someone to quote. A quick Google has just told me it’s a sales tactic to have both people present so you can’t say you’ll talk it over with your partner when they get home.

That's rubbish! I did it all the time when I was married.

No need for both home owners to be present, but sensible eg window company enters into contract with PotatoPudding, they can only pursue you for the money. If they enter into contract with both owners, then they can pursue either or both of them

Are you feeling quite well?

Can one joint owner of a property agree major works without the consent of the other?

It doesn't necessarily make it ok, but it's a common sales tactics of these companies to want to pressurise homeowners into these things in one meeting. If both partners aren't present, then it becomes harder to push for agreement there and then.

Likely if your DH had opened the door they would be insisting any female partner would be present.