What to say to sexist salesman asking for my 'husband' to be present for quote? Should i say something?

[Sailawaygirl]

So man selling windows (well known company) came to door saying he had done some work on a house up street and they have a good deal atm ect ect. It just so happens I do need new windows and getting quotes is on my todo list so for once door knock could be helpful. ( i will obviously contact more than just his company but its a start)

my AIBU is --- in door step conversation he asks if we own house ( obviously important). he then asks if I have a husband, I say yes ( we arent married but I know what he means and he is probably asking for finance reasons ect)
He then says he wants to come back ' when my husband is around' so he can talk to us both!!!!! i say DP is working today but window man can come back to give me a full quote latter in day. He then insists on coming when 'husband' is back from work or at a weekend so husband can have quote!!! I tell sales person that i deal with quotes and DIY stuff and to just deal with me. Its a loose quote im not going to sign on dotted line today! He says it so i can choose what colour handles on doors ect!!!! I tell him im more interested in energy efficiency and cost and that i dont want him to come when DP is back from work as this impacts family time.
Then when he takes my details and asks for my title - i say ms , he says mrs and then miss and i correct no ms.

How can a salesman be so out of tune with the times? he wasn't an older sales person either!!!!

He said someone would phone me for feedback after, AIBU to bring up that i felt he had a sexist attitude? how do i phrase it constructively

He just sounds a bit old school. Nothing personal.

I had pretty much the exact same thing happen to me with what I would assume is the same “well known company”. Again like yourself I was in the market for new windows and doors so was more than happy to get a quote from him when he came knocking. Confirmed I owned the house and when he asked about a husband I said that my partner was still at work but I can handle a quote for new windows. He insisted on speaking to both of us despite saying my partner works irregular hours so difficult to pin down a specific time when we would both be available. I even advised that the mortgage is solely in my name so nothing to do with him anyway. Still refused to quote me so in the end I just told him not to bother and I would get a quote from another company who don’t make it quite so difficult.

I'd say they ask to see both, because spending time quoting one person, to at the end of it get the 'Ill run that by the wife/ husband and get back to you' would be frustrating as hell. Get both together and there's less delays, I'd also assume that you were more interested. Saying you're mainly concerned with the aesthetic is an arse move

I'd say they ask to see both, because spending time quoting one person, to at the end of it get the 'Ill run that by the wife/ husband and get back to you' would be frustrating as hell.

In which case, why is it only window companies who do this? Presumably it would be just as frustrating for decorators, kitchen fitters etc?

Dh is a tradesman and asks for both to be present for quotes for bigger jobs. He has been bitten too many times with wasting time, or stuck between disagreements between couples on decisions/prices agreed. Small maintence job <£1-2k ok, anything more is risky dealing with only one person.

Windows are a significant purchase so reasoonable to do the same.

It’s a sales pressure tactic - they want both decision makers there so they can try to time pressure you into signing up there and then. Would be the same if you owned the house with a parent …. They want to take away your option of ‘I need to check with someone else’.

Yet when we’ve had many houses fitted with new windows and if wasn’t around to see the window suppliers none of them asked for me to be present.
We renovate buildings all the time.
Ive never had this, either them asking for me or my dh.

The same goes for central heating and location of rads, building works etc etc.
Its not necessarily universal.

I don't understand the justification that the person asking for the quote saying they need time to think about it and consult with their partner / another person is "time wasting". It's not bloody time wasting - these are big, expensive jobs we're talking about and it's perfectly reasonable to want a few days to mull it over and get other quotes for comparison. If you're expecting them to sign on the dotted line that same day, I'd be suspicious you've got bad reviews online you don't want to be seen or something.

Dh is a tradesman and asks for both to be present for quotes for bigger jobs. He has been bitten too many times with wasting time, or stuck between disagreements between couples on decisions/prices agreed. Small maintence job <£1-2k ok, anything more is risky dealing with only one person.

Windows are a significant purchase so reasoonable to do the same.

Clearly not all tradespeople do this though. So your dh is entitled to prefer both partners to be there, but not to demand it. Besides, there's no guarantee that even if both partners are there, they are going to agree with each other and go ahead on the spot. They may often still want to go away and discuss it before making a final decision. Who wants to sit there and argue with their partner about prices and details in front of a salesperson?

If you are a couple then it's not unreasonable for him to want to speak to you as a couple, especially for a large purchase. He should have used the word partner instead of husband though.

I've had this a few times with different traders and I never end up giving them my business. My DH agrees that if they focus all their attention/questions on him even though I've arranged the meeting/arranged for quotes etc we don't go with them. I've been surprised how many times this has happened since we've become homeowners and even more annoying as I am the bigger earner.

If its safestyle do NOT use them. Absolute cowboys who will rip you off and do a sh*t job. I also deal with all the diy in our house and have had trades people come round and ignore me and talk directly to my OH

Why is it "not unreasonable". It is for the person wanting the quote to decide who needs to be there, not the salesman.

In what way has he been "bitten". Do you mean that they ask him to give the quote again while the partner is present so he has to do the whole thing twice?

Perhaps the salesman is aware of the issues when only one side of a partnership agrees to a quote?

Yes and many others.

Making bespoke product and couple disagreeing that's what they wanted when he arrives to fit.

Telling him the price is too high, other half shouldn't have accepted, or asked for as much and trying to renegotiate price once product has been made. Awkwardness when he stands his ground.

Other partner coming in half way through a job with tight timelines to debate what is being done (when it was all discussed/agreed at the time of quoting). Or wanting a full run down again of what he is doing and how he came to the quoted price when he arrives to start.

Showing up for the job and the room they are working in hasn't been cleared as agreed and they blame the other partner for not telling them. Showing up for a job at the time agree and no-one home because kids are getting dropped at school and they claim other half never told them he would be there that early.

etc etc etc

People use this (feigned?) ignorance of what was discussed/agreed to try to absolve them of accountability. Of course, as he has learned over the last 25 years, and all the pertinent information is contained on his written quote, but it doesn't stop similar issues that then need resolved, they impact his planning of a job being completed in a day/jobs over running for very avoidable reasons.

It’s not being led by sexism, they will be looking to make the sale on the day and they can’t do that unless both parties re there. Would be the same if you partner had answered he door, if you were gay etc… both parties needed for a close.

just get another company to quote.

They don't want you to go away and think about it or get other quotes. Because their prices are ridiculously high. As soon as you get an independent to quote and see the discrepancy in prices, they won't get the sale.
Not sure whether it still applies, but contracts signed at home also didn't come under distance selling regulations, so there was no cooling-off period (though I have a feeling that might have changed)
most of these larger firms don't even have their own contractors, they sub contract out to local firms at the lowest price, so the fitters arent even interested in preserving their own reputation.

That isn’t unreasonable. However the OP’s assumption that salesman’s stance was led by sexism, was incorrect and unreasonable. And that is what the question was.

Thats archaic tell him its 2024 not 1950

I’ve dealt with a sexist pig of a salesman, again very well known company. Knocked on the door after I’d arrived home from work. I answered, and he said could he speak to the Man of the house. He didn’t know I wasn’t single. I asked what it was about and he said he wanted to talk about our windows. I said he could talk to me about them. I actually know more than hubby about this my family had a window company and my dad used to fit and sell windows for years before, I knew the problems with ours.

he insisted on speaking to the “man of the house” I asked why because I also pay the mortgage and there is no reason he couldn’t speak to me I’m meant to be dealing with quotes. He again started insisted on coming back when hubby was in stating how he’ll be the main breadwinner (he didn’t know this) and told me how he’ll understand better. I told him I wasn’t interested then. He said he would knock later when hubby was in, I said no don’t bother, my doorbell will have recorded this conversation of which I’ll send to my hubby and he’ll flat out refuse to talk to someone for being so sexist towards his wife. He asked me why I was being so sensitive then referred to it “being time of the month”. I told him to remove himself from my property before I removed him myself. He then was like “oh definitely must be that time”. He could told in a not so polite way to get off my drive. He then went to leave his car parked in front of my house. I asked if it was his car and he said yes, I told him he best move it because I was going to trim the hedge next and me being a little feeble hormonal woman an all probably couldn’t handle the hedge trimmers and he wouldn’t want his precious car to get hit now would he.

I spoke to a few of the other neighbours a week or so later we’d all experienced similar albeit mine the worse, we all sent our doorbell footage to the company and I believe he was fired.

I don’t like the fact I essentially had someone loose their job but at the same time he brought it on himself. Definitely complain because you don’t know if he’s like it a lot and if he’s been worse to others, that’s not okay.

Don't engage and tell the husband is busy

I made this mistake 15yrs ago. Someone knocked on door, I made an appointment for them to come back. They called TWICE to check OH would be there.
She stayed for 4 HOURS!
I cooked dinner. We put baby to bed, she just all but refused to leave. We kept saying we'll think about it, and she would go back to her sales pitch.

We were young (although we had a baby) and niaive maybe.

I don't think it's sexist. It's not about having A MAN present...its to make sure you can't say I'll talk to OH and get back to you. They just want BOTH decision makers present so there is no excuse not to sign there and then.

Standard to have both parties to a potential sale present for the quote/sales pitch stage. Saves a whole raft of time and energy giving quote/pitch to one person only to be told "I need to discuss with my partner". Maybe should have asked if your partner was going to be there rather than your husband - but to look at the other side of things there will be many women who do not like their husband referred to as 'partner'. Some people just can't win!!

OMG is this still happening. ? I had this in 2000 when I was paying for them with window company....beginning with A !! I went elsewhere and complained but can't believe that this is still happening. Jeez

I kicked out two firms because of this behaviour. One of them my DH informed twice that it was me paying. In the end, I was told by the third company that they weren't allowed to enter the home for a female on her own.

They spent the next 4 hours negotiating and we ended up at 10% of the original quote. I told them we had all night ........