What to say to sexist salesman asking for my 'husband' to be present for quote? Should i say something?

[Sailawaygirl]

So man selling windows (well known company) came to door saying he had done some work on a house up street and they have a good deal atm ect ect. It just so happens I do need new windows and getting quotes is on my todo list so for once door knock could be helpful. ( i will obviously contact more than just his company but its a start)

my AIBU is --- in door step conversation he asks if we own house ( obviously important). he then asks if I have a husband, I say yes ( we arent married but I know what he means and he is probably asking for finance reasons ect)
He then says he wants to come back ' when my husband is around' so he can talk to us both!!!!! i say DP is working today but window man can come back to give me a full quote latter in day. He then insists on coming when 'husband' is back from work or at a weekend so husband can have quote!!! I tell sales person that i deal with quotes and DIY stuff and to just deal with me. Its a loose quote im not going to sign on dotted line today! He says it so i can choose what colour handles on doors ect!!!! I tell him im more interested in energy efficiency and cost and that i dont want him to come when DP is back from work as this impacts family time.
Then when he takes my details and asks for my title - i say ms , he says mrs and then miss and i correct no ms.

How can a salesman be so out of tune with the times? he wasn't an older sales person either!!!!

He said someone would phone me for feedback after, AIBU to bring up that i felt he had a sexist attitude? how do i phrase it constructively

And that would be why he resisted addressing OP as "Ms"? Not sexist my arse.

This. Why would you respond any other way?

I'm personally so sick of this one that I now insist on being 'Dr' on everything.

The pushback on 'Ms' is surprising: I've encountered this numerous times. No woman should need a PhD for the courtesy of a title that doesn't announce her sexual status. In any case, why do we need titles at all?

If he had just asked to come back when the DH was there I might buy that explanation, but he also assumed the OP was a Mrs and had to be firmly corrected; and saying she'd be the one to choose the colour of the door handles heavily implies that he's assuming the DH will be in charge of 'serious' stuff like the money and contract.

Bin him off, OP. Tell them as feedback that it is not the 19th century.

They need the agreement of both homeowners to go ahead with a job.

But they actually dont

Its just a hard sell technique by salesmen who are often old school sexist too like this one

It's unlikely they'd sign you up in a showroom anyway, since they want you somewhere you can't easily walk out of and your home's obviously ideal

This will be shoehorned in with perfectly justified remarks that they need to do a site visit, but overall I find it best to avoid companies which go doorknocking

I'd get him back when your husband IS there and make sure you're not. Any question the salesman poses to husband, the answer should be...
> "not my decision"
> "this is what the wife wanted to talk to you about, cant help you sorry"
> "Not sure why you wanted to see me about this when she told you it would be her"
Etc ... until he's wasted enough of salesman's time.
When he asks to return when you're around (because he'll want to hold on to the opportunity), husband should then point out what the problem is. It'll hit home and he'll learn.

That's what I'd do anyway.

Because they’re not misogynists. It’s just classic pressure selling tactics to make sure both decision makers are present, and the ‘I need to discuss with my partner first’ can’t be used as an excuse not to sign on the dotted line.

It works both ways. If speaking to a man these people will ask him to make sure his wife is present.

These companies with their ridiculous prices, fake discounts, phone calls to the manager etc are still best avoided though.

They want to present their product/service to all of the household decision makers at the same time, so they can close the deal on the spot

Regardless of which decision makers are there I never quite understand this, when it's obvious nobody with sense goes with only one quote

Of course they revert to "the deal's only available today", but do folk really still fall for this?

I had this recently when I was looking to have my conservatory roof insulated and boarded. One company insisted my husband had to be there to quote, even though I was the one organising it. The company I went with was female owned and run, and funnily enough, they didn’t insist on speaking to my husband. They didn’t even ask if he existed, just cracked on with getting me a quote and ultimately my roof sorted.

My old manager had this problem about 30 years ago. She was a very intelligent lady in her 50s, and a senior manager who's husband had sadly recently passed away.

When the chap asked the inevitable question about speaking to her husband, she said "no problem" and went to get his ashes, which she kept in her wardrobe. She plonked the urn down in front of the salesman, and said "Here he is. I'm sorry though, you might just have to deign to deal with me on the matter"

I honestly didn't think this sort of sexist tripe still existed these days. Except, I'm not, when I think about it, we haven't moved forward much really.

Yeah right. You can sod off on that one. I make the decisions on this kind of stuff and anyone who suggests how I run my household finances can do one.

Other side of the coin, we once had a windows quote from a saleswoman who ignored me completely and addressed every single remark to my dh. She wore a very see-through white blouse showing a generous cleavage, and did a lot of batting of her heavily mascared eyelashes at dh.
It was so painfully obvious.

We had another quote from a bloke who addressed us both equally. I’ll call him B, I’ll call the woman A.

After both quotes were in, almost identical, dh said, ‘I think we’ll go for A, shall we?’
I soon put him straight!

If we’d later been asked by the company why not, I’d have told them - as I did some years later after a salesman from one of the big companies gave us the usual ridiculous spiel - ‘Well, normally it’d be £8k, but just for today, if you sign now! - I can let you have them for £4k.’

Just how stupid do they think we are?

I think this has something to do with doorstep selling regulations. They have to make sure you're happy to go ahead with the appointment and that you weren't pressured into making an appointment by unscrupulous salesmen.

I've experienced the same with a window company, (Amber) wouldn't give me the quote unless my husband was present. I told them they'd just lost my interest in dealing with them!

It's just a pressure tactic; if you're both there they can push for an on the spot decision by applying other tactics 'if you sign today I can do an extra 10% off' or the other favourite 'let me just ring my manager, you're so lucky, he's in a good mood today'. They're full of shit a lot of them 😄.

I totally understand this as a tactic, but I was really pissed off when it happened to me, because they had specifically arranged to quote on the basis that the price would be valid for 12 months - either he really was a massive sexist, or he was planning to try and strongarm us into rushing into a decision there and then.

Anyway, lesson learned and when we are ready to do our windows we will get recommendations for a local independent firm.

Obviously he needs to talk to both home owners.

What really scares me is that you are seriously considering getting major work done with a business that's reduced to "cold calling!"

Just done a job "down the road" my arse!!!

It's a sales tactic and they do it to men as well as they will also use the 'oh I should check with my wife first' excuse. "Excuse" because these companies are almost always eye wateringly expensive and you should absolutely be checking into independent retailers in your area. (I'm not saying independent automatically equals cheaper, but in the case of windows and blinds etc, it almost always is. The big chains have many levels of people needing to make a profit from the sale)

They need the agreement of both homeowners to go ahead with a job.

No they don't.

Obviously he needs to talk to both home owners

Why? DH and I would usually agree on who was taking on the task and we would have agreed on anything upfront such as scope, budget, colour range etc. Then one person just takes it on. No way we’d agree to someone telling us that they need to talk to us both. Utter bollocks.

My newly married elder sister once had a salesman come to the door (of the house she and BiL had recently bought) and ask, ‘Is your mother in?’ 😂
(To be entirely fair, she did look young.)

I try and be clear with salespeople now, when I’m in the getting quotes and exploring phase, that I/we won’t be making a decision today. We will be going away and thinking about it, regardless of any deadlines on offers or great deals.

I do the same, but then I only tend to used independent companies who'll usually take this on board

Whereas the major "chains" tend to filter it out, believing that their silly scripts will overcome all obstacles and choosing not to remember that most know exactly the game they're playing by now

Good plan. I quite like toying with hard sales people by being REALLY, doggedly curious about anything they say. Their lies quickly unravel.

Sounds like a pushy sales man - we had one come in an refuse to leave begging that he would lose his job if he didnt make the sale.

Maybe both homeowners need to be present. He should've explained that to you though. He just sounds like a sexist pig otherwise.