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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner knocking a drink over trying to tell my 3 year old off at restaurant give you the ick?

623 replies

koolpop · 03/04/2024 22:46

My three year old was calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him. He was in the booth in between me and my older daughter. He wasn't making a mess, a fuss or annoying the family behind us. They weren't bothered at all and their little girl who looked ages with him were waving back and forth. (I'm very sure she goes to his nursery but it's always a child minder who collects this girl so I have no idea who mum or dad are)

He kept going sit down. Sit down and then put his hand across the table to sit him down spilling my drink all over my son's plate and all over my coat and the table. And was like "aww fuck sake" like it was our fault? I just pretended I didn't even see it happen and kept eating. There's no reason to have done it in the first place.

I haven't felt attraction towards him since. Why would you possibly do that. He was bothering no one. It didn't seem like an out of control kids or I had co control over him and just let him run wild. He was eating standing up waving. Sitting down eating standing up waving etc.

He is just my boyfriend of a year. He isn't the kids dad etc. for context

OP posts:
Amba1998 · 03/04/2024 22:49

So your partner who isn’t the father and who you’ve only been with for a year manhandled your toddler and made a scene and you pretended it didn’t happen??

bin the partner

advocate for your children. No lan of mine for 12 months would be pulling my child from standing to sitting or any other position for that matter

AngelQuartz · 03/04/2024 22:56

Were you not angry he basically ruined your child’s meal by spilling a drink on it? And not to mention going to grab him from across the table???

Does he have any kids of his own?

LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls · 03/04/2024 22:58

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Minfilia · 03/04/2024 23:00

I mean, yes, shitty boyfriend as it’s not his place to intervene.

But allowing your child to stand on a restaurant chair is a bit odd. You should really show your child how to behave in public and that means showing him to sit nicely on a chair, not allowing him to stand on it!

Stripeysocks1981 · 03/04/2024 23:02

Minfilia · 03/04/2024 23:00

I mean, yes, shitty boyfriend as it’s not his place to intervene.

But allowing your child to stand on a restaurant chair is a bit odd. You should really show your child how to behave in public and that means showing him to sit nicely on a chair, not allowing him to stand on it!

This!!
Your toddler was misbehaving-letting him stand on a chair isn’t ok. The other parents were probably being polite and pretending they weren’t bothered. I’d imagine he told him to sit down because he was embarrassed by you not correcting your son’s behaviour.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/04/2024 23:02

So your coat is soaked, the kids meal is soaked, he's possibly got a sore arm from being grabbed and he was sworn in front of, but you just ignored it?

Why?

Get your hand off him please, he isn't your to correct.
Can you go and get some cloths please and you need to order Kevin another chicken nuggets because you've just spilt my drink all over it. And I need another red wine. Thank you.

Get your hands off him. Come on kids, I think it's time to go given I'm soaking wet and Kevin's food is soaked.

Oi, keep your hands off him, he's fine. Unlike my coat and Kevin's food.

I mean some combination of this instead of pretending it didn't happen and then carrying on a relationship with him despite no longer being attracted to him.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 03/04/2024 23:02

I wouldn't have been letting him stand up on the seating and messing around. He's 3, old enough to sit down & eat properly.

so I don't blame your boyfriend for being unhappy about your DS's behaviour & your lack of parenting.

is he living with you? Does he 'parent' with you?

knocking the drink over was an accident.

NotStylishOrBeautiful · 03/04/2024 23:04

He was unreasonable. Definitely LTB.

However, “calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him” is utter bollocks. You can’t be ‘calmly eating’ AND standing up / waving. They’re mutually exclusive.

Bessica1970 · 03/04/2024 23:05

I’m embarrassed for you, thinking it’s ok for your child to keep standing up on the chair while eating. You need to give your child some boundaries.

This relationship is doomed, you both have different expectations of children’s behaviour so this will keep happening.

BungleandGeorge · 03/04/2024 23:06

Your child was misbehaving and you shouldn’t have let him behave like that in a restaurant. I agree the other parents were probably being polite. I don’t blame your boyfriend for being irritated, however, he should not have been aggressive around your child and I’d be rethinking the relationship

Crazycatlady79 · 03/04/2024 23:06

Why would you not advocate on behalf on your three year old child and say something to your partner?! Are you ordinarily this passive when someone is out of order in front of and/or towards your child?!
On the flip side, I never allowed my children to stand up on chairs in cafes/restaurants, as I don't think it's appropriate behaviour.
I think both adults were unreasonable in this instance. Poor kid.

Ofmince · 03/04/2024 23:07

People saying he should sit down; it was a booth, not a chair. Not ideal, but not dangerous. Doubt most people would bat an eyelid in a family friendly restaurant like Frankie and Bennys. Even so, it's not acceptable for a grown man to manhandle a three year old, and then swear in front of him. The toddler was being a toddler, what's the boyfriend's excuse.

OP, why did you ignore what had happened? Were you scared of confronting your boyfriend? It seems like a very odd scenario, and not ideal for your kids.

Have you not spoken about it with your boyfriend since?

HeddaGarbled · 03/04/2024 23:07

My three year old was calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him

That’s not calmly eating his food.

NerrSnerr · 03/04/2024 23:07

Whether the 3 year old should have been standing up is irrelevant in my opinion. What's important is that you, as the parent thought it was OK and your boyfriend of a year decided to overrule you and then acted like a dick.

He doesn't sound like someone I'd want to be with my child.

FoxyLoxyLoo · 03/04/2024 23:08

Minfilia · 03/04/2024 23:00

I mean, yes, shitty boyfriend as it’s not his place to intervene.

But allowing your child to stand on a restaurant chair is a bit odd. You should really show your child how to behave in public and that means showing him to sit nicely on a chair, not allowing him to stand on it!

This, children shouldn’t be standing on restaurant chairs. I’m not for a second saying the boyfriend was right as he has no business getting involved in parenting your child but standing on a chair isn’t something I’d have allowed my children to do in a restaurant.

Cookiemiguel · 03/04/2024 23:09

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ButterflyKu · 03/04/2024 23:10

There’s a lot to unpack here

FoxyLoxyLoo · 03/04/2024 23:10

I just pretended I didn't even see it happen and kept eating

Why did you pretend you never seen anything? Did your child get another meal?

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/04/2024 23:14

Yeah not ok. The grabbing of your child, the anger and swearing at his own stupid mistake as if it was your fault/your kid’s fault - nope. It’s doesn’t bode well at all and if I were you I would seriously reconsider the relationship.

StarDolphins · 03/04/2024 23:14

Pinkpinkpink15 · 03/04/2024 23:02

I wouldn't have been letting him stand up on the seating and messing around. He's 3, old enough to sit down & eat properly.

so I don't blame your boyfriend for being unhappy about your DS's behaviour & your lack of parenting.

is he living with you? Does he 'parent' with you?

knocking the drink over was an accident.

Surely no one would let a boyfriend of a year parent with them, that’s madness!

Op, in your position, I 1) wouldn’t have even let your child meet the new bf, let alone man handle him & 2) would be dumping him

OneTC · 03/04/2024 23:17

Pretty much anywhere with booths is perfectly used to a kid standing in there

But yeah bin this one he sounds like a dickhead

Candleabra · 03/04/2024 23:19

I guarantee the parents of the other child who “weren’t bothered at all” about your child standing on your chair and waving, actually were but too polite to say.

It’s hard to unpick what happened with the boyfriend due to your confusing narrative, but you can’t let your child behave like that in a restaurant.

thisisasurvivor · 03/04/2024 23:21

Pinkpinkpink15 · 03/04/2024 23:02

I wouldn't have been letting him stand up on the seating and messing around. He's 3, old enough to sit down & eat properly.

so I don't blame your boyfriend for being unhappy about your DS's behaviour & your lack of parenting.

is he living with you? Does he 'parent' with you?

knocking the drink over was an accident.

So wrong

I would be out of there as quick as I could

Awful man

Your poor kids

Italiangreyhound · 03/04/2024 23:21

Bin him, he sounds very un-chilled and if you have a three year old you do not need this.

ColleenDonaghy · 03/04/2024 23:23

Time to move on.

You weren't teaching your child how to behave appropriately in a restaurant, which he didn't agree with.

Then he disciplined your child without your consent in a way you don't agree with.

There's no future here because you have such wildly different views on parenting and there is at least one small child involved regardless of whether you have one together.

TLDR: everyone sucks here.