Partner knocking a drink over trying to tell my 3 year old off at restaurant give you the ick?

[koolpop]

My three year old was calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him. He was in the booth in between me and my older daughter. He wasn't making a mess, a fuss or annoying the family behind us. They weren't bothered at all and their little girl who looked ages with him were waving back and forth. (I'm very sure she goes to his nursery but it's always a child minder who collects this girl so I have no idea who mum or dad are)

He kept going sit down. Sit down and then put his hand across the table to sit him down spilling my drink all over my son's plate and all over my coat and the table. And was like "aww fuck sake" like it was our fault? I just pretended I didn't even see it happen and kept eating. There's no reason to have done it in the first place.

I haven't felt attraction towards him since. Why would you possibly do that. He was bothering no one. It didn't seem like an out of control kids or I had co control over him and just let him run wild. He was eating standing up waving. Sitting down eating standing up waving etc.

He is just my boyfriend of a year. He isn't the kids dad etc. for context

You should have got your child to stay sitting down so that he didn’t have to. He doesn’t really sound like someone you should bother with though.

You’re incompatible, sounds like you’d have very different parenting styles. And btw, it will be confusing for your children if you introduce them to all your boyfriends. This one may well be the first, but it doesn’t sound like he’ll be around much longer - perhaps next time you could give it a bit more time before introducing a new man to your kids.

I actually would expect any adults the kids know to help with discipline though within reason. When parents say they want a village unfortunately they’re often talking about free babysitters but the original meaning of having a village is more about a child receiving guidance, supervision and discipline from various adults in their world /community who are looking out for them.

If you don’t think this man is one you want looking out for your kids - ditch him.

👏

This. Who cleaned up? Did he? dump the man. Sit your child down to eat.

he probably had the ick from the child standing on the chair in a restaurant. I think he was wrong for grabbing him and swearing but it’s bizarre that you just sat there and pretended it didn’t happen. Did anyone even clean up, did your child get a proper dinner?

What do you think your son learned when your boyfriend treated him like this and you carried on eating as if nothing had happened? Did he learn he was safe and that his mum protects him? Or did he learn mum’s boyfriend can do what he likes and mum will look the other way?

Can’t believe you think having the ick is the issue here. Protect your child.

So annoying when you’re trying to eat and teach your own children what is acceptable in a restaurant and another child (always in a booth!) is standing up and being a distraction. It’s not cute. Everyone on the other side of this is just being polite and wants your child to go away.

Not your parters business though, you’re both in the wrong.

I wouldn't be keen on a child standing on a chair waving when I was eating in a restaurant. That would be irritating. I wouldn't have said 'ffs' but don't think there is necessarily an issue with trying to get him to sit down. He spilt the drink accidentally. Unless you mean he grabbed and pulled him? If you don't like him you should split up with him.

Agree with this. Your partner was on poor form, handling your son in that way and swearing etc. I completely get the ick factor there. Equally though, you should not be enabling your toddler to stand on seating in a restaurant. It might be to be very sweet and DS just wanting to wave to someone he knows, but if that's the case you model the correct behaviour to him. If DS really wants to say hello, I think it would have been more appropriate to say something along the lines of, "We aren't allowed to stand on the chairs, you might fall and hurt yourself and we could get into trouble, but we can go and say hello if you'd like?". This way DS gets to say hello if he's desperate to and then that sort of gets that urge out of his system a bit? I know things aren't always that smooth with toddlers but it's better than allowing your kid to stand on furniture that doesn't belong to you.

Oh how ridiculous.

If it was a family restaurant it's hardly expected for children to sit still and behave perfectly all the time. As long as he wasn't making a scene/screaming/disrupting others he was doing nothing wrong.

The partner on the other hand...

You are right about one thing...they have different expectations. No man would be manhandling my toddler or creating such an unpleasant atmosphere over a total non issue.

I'm imagining the "restaurant" is Pizza Hut or similar and actually it's not abnormal for kids to be running around getting their own ice cream etc never mind stood up on a booth interacting with another toddler. If it was the oxo or something then fair enough child should be sat down but then I'd never take a toddler to such a place.

That said, your boyfriend doesn't have compatible parenting ideas to you.

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a child to sit down, I would have been cross that he was standing up too.

But he should not have demeaned YOU sitting next to YOUR child by reaching over and getting him to sit. He overruled you and that is a 🚩 to be honest. Has he done anything like this before? Did you talk to him about it and make it clear you weren't happy?

Don't let him move in with you, it will get worse

Oh jeez.

I was about to say he was a twat and VVVU for doing that even as his father..

and then you say its not even his kid??

No, no no. Big red flag, how dare he.

Dump the boyfriend- Noone puts their hands on our DS- no-one!!!

Teach your child to sit properly when out - he is 3 so should know how to behave, or be having it reinforced to him.

Advocate for your child. Learn to stand up for him.

It went on your sons plate and you ignored it? He went to make him sit down and you ignored it? Your son was standing on a chair and turning around waving at another family for an extending period of time whilst they were trying to enjoy a meal out and you didn't think he should sit down? You sound really lazy

Why on earth are you so passive? How could you ignore this and just carry on eating like nothing had happened? Advocate for your child!

Why would anyone be bothered, I wouldn’t even notice! It’s a 3 year old , not 13

I wouldn’t even let my child put his dirty shoes on a chair in McDonald’s, never mind a restaurant, no matter how family friendly.
Also need clarification from the OP on what he actually did when he reached over-typical mumsnet where it’s getting more dramatic with each post 🙄 nothing in the OP suggests he grabbed or yanked the child.

There are a few things at play here ......

Firstly, your son wasn't eating nicely in the restaurant (it doesn't matter if it's a booth or a chair) and should have been corrected by you, not boyfriend.

I can't make out whether he did manhandle your son or the knocked drink stopped anything physical? Regardless, his intention was to grab at your son, for me this would be unacceptable.

As you didn't have issue with your sons behaviour, did you relay this to your boyfriend when he told him to sit down? Did BF continue to attempt to discipline son over you?

Was there a reason you didn't communicate after the incident? Are you afraid of BFs potential reaction?

This doesn't sound like a particularly healthy relationship, certainly not one I'd want to expose my children to.

Because I have standards when it comes to parenting. It honestly blows my mind what’s deemed as acceptable now. iPads on full volume throughout a meal, kids trampling on chairs, tearing around restaurants. I genuinely despair. And my eldest is 13, it’s not a million years ago that I had toddlers myself.

Dump the partner and start parenting your DC properly OP.

You lost me at ‘standing on seat at restaurant’.

Sorry OP can’t see past that. Get your child to sit down and stop annoying others.

I’m ten years out of the toddlers stage but even when I was knee deep into it I absolutely hated parents who allowed this shit to happen. Because inevitably, one of mine would want to get up, misbehave, join in as they mimicked the child at the other table.

Rein your kid in and dump the boyfriend. Or maybe if you reined in the kid you wouldn’t have to dump the boyfriend. I’m assuming you had your back to them and he could see their reaction so he was rightly embarrassed.

According to a few on this thread it’s perfectly normal to allow a child to stand on a chair in a restaurant 🙄. It’s doesn’t matter what type of restaurant it is shoes do not belong on restaurant seats. I completely agree with you.

This !!!!!