Partner knocking a drink over trying to tell my 3 year old off at restaurant give you the ick?

[koolpop]

My three year old was calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him. He was in the booth in between me and my older daughter. He wasn't making a mess, a fuss or annoying the family behind us. They weren't bothered at all and their little girl who looked ages with him were waving back and forth. (I'm very sure she goes to his nursery but it's always a child minder who collects this girl so I have no idea who mum or dad are)

He kept going sit down. Sit down and then put his hand across the table to sit him down spilling my drink all over my son's plate and all over my coat and the table. And was like "aww fuck sake" like it was our fault? I just pretended I didn't even see it happen and kept eating. There's no reason to have done it in the first place.

I haven't felt attraction towards him since. Why would you possibly do that. He was bothering no one. It didn't seem like an out of control kids or I had co control over him and just let him run wild. He was eating standing up waving. Sitting down eating standing up waving etc.

He is just my boyfriend of a year. He isn't the kids dad etc. for context

@Concannon88 it was a buffet. He got new food.

It wasn't an extended period of time it was for about a few seconds. That's probably why I think it's weird he was bothered

Classic MN adding non-existent details to the post. It doesn't say the kid was "manhandled" anywhere.

@alesia this is exactly my point

It’s not helpful to labour over the rights and wrongs of letting a toddler stand up at the table or whatever.

The issue is that you’ve hit a massive hurdle in your relationship.
You’re struggling to communicate how you feel to dp, you probably feel undermined and judged by him or annoyed at how he’s trying to be “dad” and getting it wrong.

There’s a massive lack of communication between you and it will result in the relationship falling apart if it continues.

What do you want to happen now? Do you want to salvage things? Do you want to work towards dp taking a more active role with parenting?

Mystified?

Are you a parent?

If so, this is another example of poor parenting.

Allowing a child to stand on chairs is not acceptable. They do it in trains as well- standing on seats in mucky shoes. Parents turning a blind eye as if it's all okay.

Your 'cute ' is someone else's nightmare - badly behaved kids whose parents have no idea of good behaviour.

OP, “family friendly” does not mean “allow your kid to be feral”!

Even if you’re right about that (you’re not), your child isn’t going to know the difference somewhere “family friendly” and not, so you should be teaching him good manners across the board.

Which means not standing on chairs in dirty shoes and interrupting other people when they’re in a restaurant!

It’s not helpful to labour over the rights and wrongs of letting a toddler stand up at the table or whatever.

I disagree.

Parenting and the standards the OP has, will be an issue with ANY relationship where there is a difference of what's acceptable.

If this was a female friend she'd been with, or a family member, they may have been embarrassed by the kid standing up and waving.

I'd let a child do it once (ie wave at another child) then tell them it wasn't right and make them sit down.

There's a big difference between a quick wave at another child from nursery, and standing on a chair eating - and the mum thinking it's fine.

@PeaceandCakes wow, I bet you're fun at parties.

Letting a toddler stand and wave to another child is not 'poor parenting'. You are being utterly ridiculous. I highly doubt we are talking about a Michelin star restaurant here. It was clearly a family pub/restaurant where people expect to see children being, well children. They're not little robots.

Yes I agree.
op does he have form for this? Are you a bit scared to stand up to him?

Pretty sure he learned he can do whatever he wants and nobody will stop him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well, I bet you are a nightmare parent- if you want to start trading insults

Having standards of good behaviour when in a restaurant is nothing to do with being a party-pooper.

A family restaurant is not an excuse to allow a child to stand on a chair and eat their food.

How is the child going to know the difference between a 'family' restaurant and Michelin star?

If you have such poor standards of behaviour that's up to you.

Maybe have a read of all the other 'utterly ridiculous' posters who are saying what I am.

Out of interest, when does a new partner get to address the behaviour of the partners kid? I'm not talking about heavy discipline, but just (as in this case) correcting minor irritating stuff or managing a social situation?

This couple have been together for a year, not a month. When is the cut off? (I know that some mumsnetters would wait five years before even introducing a new partner, but I'm not too interested in their answers)

Poor parenting takes many forms.
In fact I’d say that the boyfriend was employing a poor approach to parenting too.
There’s no need to react angrily, pointless to keep ineffectually repeating Sit Down to a toddler.

A parent can have a more relaxed approach and achieve results without strict confrontation. Engaging with the child, or accepting that they can’t resist turning around to look at other children for a while and then distracting them with something that holds their interest.

You could have moved seats so that he was on your lap facing his little friend, so there was no need for him to keep turning around.

Op you need to model the parenting approach you want your partner to employ.

This.

I've seen so many threads on MN where a parent says "my free spirited child doesn't listen to me asking them to sit down/get in their car seat etc..... what do I do?" and the reply is nearly ALWAYS "you don't ask you tell and if they don't listen you make them. Pick them up and put them in the seat, sit them down".

Bit as soon as it's a partner "OH MY GAWD!!!! DONT NOBODY MANHANDLE MY CHILD!!"

As long as NEITHER is done in such a way to hurt the child then I don't see why it matters who it is doing it when the child won't do as they are being told.

@PeaceandCakes no I'm not a nightmare of a parent but I allow my children to behave like children and luckily they are aware that different situations call for different behaviour.

Could you explain what exactly is so damaging and unacceptable about a toddler standing up, waving at another toddler in a family restaurant?

@SmileyClare

What on earth would make you think that???

NO I'm not the OP.

@cutiepatootie23

a toddler, not much. A THREE year old should know & behave better, if not they need be told to sit down.

OPs child was being annoying. Parents of the other child almost certainly being polite whilst seething inside, because I would be. They are out for a meal with their child and someone else's child is standing up waving at them and wanting attention and the parents are letting him do it. The other family are not interested in the OP's child or its antics and want their child to settle down and eat. OP's child needs to be told to behave and stop annoying other people. It's not charming.
Boyfriend of a year. So child knows him and is living with him? Adults in a household need to pull together to have children behave and need each other's support to do this. A relationship is not going to work if the biological parent thinks his/her partner has no authority over the DCs and it is a recipe for domestic disharmony. Naturally, I am not suggesting allowing child abuse but grabbing a child's arm and telling them to sit down is not child abuse.

Sorry but this is the weirdest meal I've heard of...

A child standing on the seat in order to wave to somebody they may or may not know
A man knocking over a drink & swearing about it
A mother just sat in silence pretending to not notice a drink split on her jacket & her child not facing the right direction ?!??!?

Seriously why go out to eat ?

Exactly.

😂 apologies I was a bit bleary eyed when I wrote that this morning!

Its frustrating that loads of posters are making this about what they’d do or their opinion on dc in restaurants.

Far more helpful to offer constructive advice than sanctimoniously calling the op a shit parent.

@Pinkpinkpink15 behave better? He stood up and waved for 3 seconds. If he was launching food or screaming or shouting I would agree with you. I honestly cannot think of a situation where I would be pissed off or offended if I saw someone's toddler sorry young child waving at mine in a family restaurant. I just don't understand what is so unacceptable about it.

In any case it's not the parters place to discipline him. Especially in such a rough way that created way more of a scene than the child did.

To be fair, if the attraction has truly gone towards your partner after this incident, you should end it. You have every right to end your relationship for any reason at all.

However I do think you should have corrected your child (your partner shouldn't have if that isn't the agreement between you, but perhaps he did because you wouldn't) because children need consistency. He won't understand why he can stand on a chair in pizza hut (for example) but not at The Ritz. Being consistent everywhere means he'll understand how to behave anywhere.

If this has caused you to feel differently towards your partner, you are just not compatible and have different ideas over what is acceptable. You should end it and let him (and yourself) find someone who better aligns with your ideas

If you want your BF to ultimately be a step dad to your DC, and all that entails, then I don't get that he is not allowed to have a say in their poor behaviour.

And that is what it is, poor behaviour. At 3, you need to teach your DS to sit down and eat without climbing everywhere and disturbing others.