Partner knocking a drink over trying to tell my 3 year old off at restaurant give you the ick?

[koolpop]

My three year old was calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him. He was in the booth in between me and my older daughter. He wasn't making a mess, a fuss or annoying the family behind us. They weren't bothered at all and their little girl who looked ages with him were waving back and forth. (I'm very sure she goes to his nursery but it's always a child minder who collects this girl so I have no idea who mum or dad are)

He kept going sit down. Sit down and then put his hand across the table to sit him down spilling my drink all over my son's plate and all over my coat and the table. And was like "aww fuck sake" like it was our fault? I just pretended I didn't even see it happen and kept eating. There's no reason to have done it in the first place.

I haven't felt attraction towards him since. Why would you possibly do that. He was bothering no one. It didn't seem like an out of control kids or I had co control over him and just let him run wild. He was eating standing up waving. Sitting down eating standing up waving etc.

He is just my boyfriend of a year. He isn't the kids dad etc. for context

Your Spidey sense tells you the right thing.
Whether your child is "misbehaving" or not it's not your partner's place to tell them off and act as if his meal has been spoiled.
Fwiw my 3year old would have behaved worse than this, it took a while to acclimatize him to eating out and we went very infrequently once we realised he wasn't going to sit still for long..

Your boyfriend acted aggressively to a small child. That would be enough for me.
It will get worse. Your boyfriends behaviour, I mean. He thinks your son is making him look bad. That's a red flag.

@thisisasurvivor

my poor kids. Give over. You know nothing about my kids.

@StarDolphins

Are you new around here?

Your boyfriend was going to grab your son to make him sit down, he knocked your drink over soaking your coat and ruining your son's meal and then swore in front of both your kids and you just sat and said nothing?
What is wrong with you? Your poor kids!

And as someone who works in hospitality, I beg you to teach your son how to sit properly when you are out. I am at the end of my tether with feral kids.

This. Your bf was wrong . Kids should not be standing on seats. You might think it didn't bother them but they probably didn't want to be rude. You need to dump the boyfriend and teach your child to sit down to eat and not pester people.

You should not let your child do this in a restaurant, I would not like it if I were the other family or even one of tge other diners, I don't know what makes you so sure they were okay with it.He us not a baby or toddler now and I am dammed sure his nursery don't allow tge children to stand on the chairs waving at mealtimes.it is parents ike you that would give me tge ick not your bf

Erm I would be wondering why you didn't have your child sit as is appropriate but hey

They weren't bothered at all and their little girl who looked ages with him were waving back and forth.

How do you know they weren't bothered? I'd be bothered if a child kept waving over at us while we were eating. I actually don't blame your boyfriend for trying to get the child to sit down. At home you are free to let your kids walk all over your furniture, but when you're in a restaurant or in someone else's house that behaviour is not on.

I wouldn’t be impressed at all with the swearing. But FFS make your kid sit down in a restaurant. You have no idea if he was annoying other people but it’s just encouraging bad manners

Also a point about the staff’s potential perspective - as someone who waitressed by way through Uni, instances like this put me on edge because the second a child has an accident, or falls onto a table full of hot food and drinks etc the parents are quick to blame the restaurant. 3 is the perfect time to start teaching him manners.

He has no right to tell your son to sit down or to push him down. I would break up with anybody who pulled a stunt like that.

He handled it wrong but sounds like he was frustrated at your poor parenting at allowing your child to stand on a seat whilst eating in a restaurant.

How terribly Jeremy Kyle of you all!

Your child was misbehaving and the other diners were likely being polite. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to pay for a meal out and have someone else's child pop up and down constantly.

However, your partner manhandled your child and that's not ok.

Other families do not want your kid waving at their kid when they’re trying to enjoy some time together. Letting him do that was very inconsiderate and I can see why your partner got annoyed with you and your DS - a. That he was standing on furniture and b. That you failed to manage him properly. He shouldn’t have spilled the drink though I guess that was an accident, but I can feel his frustration from here.

You’re not happy with the way he treated your ds and I wouldn’t be either. Trust your gut.

Well I hope you both cleaned up the table, or did you just ignore the mess there too.Your child should not be standing on the chair in a restaurant. He kept sitting and standing, bad manners and annoying. Gets me how you could just ignore your sons plate too ? Was he finished? Anyway , you are not compatible together. I say both of you should run for the hills .

I have re read the op several times and nowhere does it say he touched the child at all. You allowed your child to misbehave and interrupt other diners. Leaning over to tell the little boy to sit down isn't wrong. FFS it depends did he mumble it to himself in irritation or snap it and your son very different.

Exactly this! I had to give my glasses a wipe, as I wasn’t sure I was reading the same post as others.

Why do you think the OP’s DP ‘manhandled’ the child?

I don't think your child should have been standing up in the chair.

Was the child behind you also standing up in their chair jumping around?

Boyfriend probably tolerated it as much as he could before he got annoyed of you not doing anything to instruct your child to sit in a chair because that's what he's supposed to be doing.

Your boyfriend may or may not be a twat but I can't really tell by this incident.

You’re both in the wrong really. Your son was misbehaving standing on the restaurant chairs so clearly needed someone to discipline him.

I can see why he was annoyed. I’d be embarrassed if my DP’s child was standing on a seat in a restaurant. I think you need to work on your DCs manners. And you sound incompatible. If you do keep seeing him, or anyone else, I’d do so without your child being there .

Oh God I hate it when I'm out at a cafe (or bus or train) and I'm seated and minding my own business, and someone else's child keeps coming up and talking/waving/standing next to my seat, and the parent does nothing because they just cannot understand that not everyone else in the world finds their child so cute and adorable as they do. Parent your child, please, so that others don't have to!

Yes , ops description of events is very limited . Nothing wrong if partner just reached over the table to beckon child to sit . Why everyone just assumes he was manhandled is a bit presumptuous.