Wedding reception invite wording

[Itsaweddingoneagain]

Hi all I’m getting married at the end of the year. Me and DP are ‘eloping’ to vegas just the two of us. I say ‘eloping’ as it isn’t a secret and we have told our families. After many tears, arguments and pushbacks from both sides of our family we’ve decided to host a wedding reception in the UK the month after we get back. Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here. We knew they would be mad hence why we told them before we went and got married.

We are planning a reception of about 50 people. Again much bigger than we would like but I have 5 siblings, DP has 4. They all have partners and both of our parents are remarried. We tried to keep it small but numbers quickly added up. Anyway the reception will start at 6pm and we will arrive at around 6:15/6:20 to make the traditional entrance. We will have speeches (this was important to both sides of our family), food which will be a traditional hog roast style spread, first dance and then it will carry on into the night.

Due to the nature of it we need everyone to arrive at no later than 6. We are worried that no matter what we tell people they will hear wedding reception so will think any time from 6. If people arrive later than this it will just not flow how we need it to. I want to add a tag line at the bottom of the invite saying something along the lines of “Due to having speeches and a sit down meal planned we need all bums on seats at 6pm sharp. If you cannot commit to this time kindly please decline the invite”. My Mum has told me this is really rude. I’m worried about people strolling in at 730 in the middle of speeches!! I’ve been to wedding receptions where people have arrived hours after the initial start time- I’ve never been to a wedding reception that didn’t have an actual wedding before it and nobody we know has either.

Maybe I’m just working myself up because I can’t be arsed with the bloody thing anyway.

but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here

this is SO SO bizarre

Surely this would be a blessing

We knew they would be mad hence why we told them before we went and got married.

so you’re not eloping. You’re already married?

just make your grand “entrance” 6.30

say starts at 6

anyone half hour late… who cares? they weren’t too bothered about being on time 🤷

but ultimately… why the hell are you doing this?

Would put something along the lines of 'Doors at 5:30 for seats at 6'.
You don't need to be rude, but just clear that it's not a doors open party and that people need to be seated at 6.

No. We booked the wedding last year for this October. We told our families ahead of time because we knew they would be unhappy but we really didn’t expect the level of pushback we’ve had. DP’s entire family ignored him all over Christmas and told him he’d broken his Mother’s heart. My Mum told me she didn’t realise she’d raised someone who was so selfish.

Your Mum is right, it's very rude.

I'd do the old standby "arrive 5:30 for 6pm" which tells people you will be serving at 6.

"Wedding blessing" or "wedding celebration" would be more apt than "wedding reception" in the circumstances.

DP’s entire family ignored him all over Christmas and told him he’d broken his Mother’s heart. My Mum told me she didn’t realise she’d raised someone who was so selfish.

unfathomable

You're not eloping! Eloping means that you get married without telling anyone.

Does it really really matter if some people miss the speeches?? Just mention on the invite "speeches to be made at x time" so they are aware its not just a normal evening reception

I would put a brief itinerary on the invite.
Please arrive by Xpm, dinner at Y followed by speeches, dancing until midnight, all family bust ups scheduled for 9-10pm.

I wouldn't put the "bums on seats" comment in a formal invite, but to ask guests to arrive no later than 6pm is reasonable, pointing out the sit-down meal and speeches.
Or you could frame the reception invite more like a traditional wedding invite:
Arrival: 6pm
Bride and groom entrance: 6.30pm
Speeches: 6.45pm
Dinner: 7.15pm

It sounds like most of the guests will be immediate family/ver close friends? Can you not leave it off the invite and just WhatsApp your siblings etc and ask them to be there promptly (with various emojis to express irritation with your mother)?

TBH I do think making a grand entrance when you’re already married rather than just greeting your guests at the door is a bit much, but it’s your event!

And I agree with PP. Don't call it a wedding reception, because it's not. A wedding celebration maybe.

"The venue have advised that all guests need to be seated by 6pm sharp & no entry will be possible thereafter".

Just tell them arrival from 4:30.
Its normal that the groom and bride comes later. But you should arrange some drinks and snacks so everyone will have that and as majority is family, they will enjoy grouping. That's how you will get it done on time.

I don’t care if people miss the speeches. I’d rather not have them or the reception at all, but I know if they miss the speeches they will be fuming due to the level of uproar this has caused. I need to drill it into people they need to get there for 6 for a reason.

I think inviting an itinerary is a good idea as is not calling it a wedding reception.

I would add a timeline to your invite so:

Arrival time: 5.30pm
Seated dinner: 6pm
Speeches: 7.30pm
First Dance: 8pm

Or whatever your flow is. This will make your guests realise it's more structured than a party from 6pm. Especially if you are asking them to RSVP with dietary restrictions etc.

I would also speak to your venue and ask that they do not allow any late arrivals in during the speeches. If someone does arrive late, a table plan should be outside the room, ideally with a staff member there to give them exact directions to their seat/table to cause minimum disruption.

A free bar from 6-7 would get people there on time.

telling people you're going to elope is a bit daft. Just invite everyone to a party to celebrate your marriage and have the party you want, not the party everyone else wants/expects.

OP literally explained in the opening post she knows she isn’t eloping.

OP, it sounds like you both have extremely difficult families and that’s why you wanted to avoid having a wedding over here as there would likely be drama? I don’t blame you for wanting to be rude on the invitations if you’re sending them to people who have pushed you into having something you don’t want.

Just let them know when the speeches are then so they only have themselves to blame if they miss them.

Honestly, asking people to anything and telling them if they're a minute late they shouldn't come at all is astoundingly rude. Things happen, this isn't life or death.

She literally said that in the first paragraph of her OP.

Edit. Already pointed out

the entire thing is daft

everyone seems to despise everyone

Also op, i understand this had been a tricky thing to negotiate and organise and not what you wanted. But, for what it's worth, I think you should try and do it with good grace or not do it at all. Trying to enjoy your day and being grateful you have family who want to celebrate with you will be a happier outcome for you than doing it under duress and forever feeling bitter.