Wedding reception invite wording

[Itsaweddingoneagain]

Hi all I’m getting married at the end of the year. Me and DP are ‘eloping’ to vegas just the two of us. I say ‘eloping’ as it isn’t a secret and we have told our families. After many tears, arguments and pushbacks from both sides of our family we’ve decided to host a wedding reception in the UK the month after we get back. Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here. We knew they would be mad hence why we told them before we went and got married.

We are planning a reception of about 50 people. Again much bigger than we would like but I have 5 siblings, DP has 4. They all have partners and both of our parents are remarried. We tried to keep it small but numbers quickly added up. Anyway the reception will start at 6pm and we will arrive at around 6:15/6:20 to make the traditional entrance. We will have speeches (this was important to both sides of our family), food which will be a traditional hog roast style spread, first dance and then it will carry on into the night.

Due to the nature of it we need everyone to arrive at no later than 6. We are worried that no matter what we tell people they will hear wedding reception so will think any time from 6. If people arrive later than this it will just not flow how we need it to. I want to add a tag line at the bottom of the invite saying something along the lines of “Due to having speeches and a sit down meal planned we need all bums on seats at 6pm sharp. If you cannot commit to this time kindly please decline the invite”. My Mum has told me this is really rude. I’m worried about people strolling in at 730 in the middle of speeches!! I’ve been to wedding receptions where people have arrived hours after the initial start time- I’ve never been to a wedding reception that didn’t have an actual wedding before it and nobody we know has either.

Maybe I’m just working myself up because I can’t be arsed with the bloody thing anyway.

OFFS.

@Itsaweddingoneagain

I hate to ask but are you planning on having a family?

Because seriously, if they're this bad over a wedding then imagine what they'll be like with grandchildren

You need to start standing up to them

And why can't you see your DGM without your mother being involved?

You're allowing these people to have too much control over you, OP.

OK, they're upset.

So what?

Your mum, who didn't want you to put wording on your invitations asking people not to be late, is then upset because Uncle Johnny was late and missed the speeches.

Oh dear. What a shame.

You need to practise making this face.

It sounds like you are being railroaded into a traditional wedding reception which is what you don’t want. It’s a very early start for an evening do I think you need to include timings then people know what to expect.

That is rude why does it matter if people are there at six or not?

Also, assuming you're the age most people are when they get married, i.e. quite young, and planning to have children.

Trust me.

You need to have learned how to grey rock these people before you have children, if you are hoping to have them.

Because it's highly likely that your mum and MIL and numerous siblings are all going to be expressing their opinions about whether you should share the sex of your baby during pregnancy, who gets a say in what your children are called, who is to be informed when you go into labour, who is allowed in the delivery room when you give birth, who gets to rock up at the hospital, who will be camped out on your doorstep waiting for you when you get home, who should be hosted and waited on hand and foot when you're recovering from giving birth, whether you should breast feed because breast is best or bottle feed because it's selfish not to let other people feed your baby and so on and so forth.

You need to get better at saying, "No, that doesn't work for us. No, we don't want to. No, you can't. No, we don't owe you our time/contact with our baby/an explanation. No, get lost."

I get that you don't feel that right now is the time to say, "No, we're not having a wedding party, because we don't want one."

But right after this farce party would be the second best time to start saying no. Because it is only going to get harder as time goes on.

My birthday invite was something along the lines " welcome to celebrate 5.30pm onwards. The celebration and toast start at 6"

I think you’d be surprised at the number of families and particularly mothers who feel this way. My ex-partners SIL asked me about marriage, and when I joked about eloping she very straight faced told me it would be extremely selfish to deny my Mum her day as Mother-of-the-bride, and she would find it hard to forgive me herself if we eloped. My mum has also voiced something similar, and on the whole we are a pretty well balanced family emotionally and mentally.

It’s batshit, but many family members feel massively entitled when it comes to other people’s weddings.

Blimey, if they are this vicious and nasty over you getting married, imagine how controlling they're going to be when you have children, @Itsaweddingoneagain. Seriously, I would be cancelling this charade as a boundary-setting exercise. They won't cut you off – they're bluffing because you're letting them. And on the off-chance they do, enjoy the break from the mental stress!

If they miss speeches that's on them for being late.
Why are you pandering to them? Why would your grandma or mum care if your in laws missed the speeches?

OP, my friend got married in vegas and only told her family on their return. They were emotionally blackmailed in to a party, which escalated essentially in to a wedding reception and everything they had tried to avoid. They regretted caving in to family pressure massively. It also cost them a fortune.

Put timings on the invite and then if people are late you can shrug and say they had it in black and white.

Then perhaps move to the other side of the country/a different country and start imposing serious boundaries!

Refreshments/drinks canapes at 5 or whatever. Can be crisps and nuts, and a glass of something or other, just to get people there.
Dinner bell (!) 7pm or whatever. They sit down, you come in.
Speeches BEFORE dinner.
You're welcome.

The hypocrisy from your mum about you being selfish when she is making your wedding about her feelings and your now having a wedding reception that you clearly don’t want because she’s selfishly putting her own feelings above yours.

Invitation to wedding celebration.

Please arrive for 6 pm.
Speeches will begin at 6.30 following the arrival of the bride and groom.
Dinner will be served at 7 pm.

That's honestly sufficient without the "if you can't be bothered to come on time, don't come"

For bday parties and things il not be bang on the arrival time on the invite but for wedding receptions we always arrive at the time on the invite. There's generally always a first dance, sometimes a cake cutting etc so don't want to miss that and arrive on time always.

Most people would be only too happy to avoid the wedding speeches.
Why on earth are you assuming anyone would be fuming? 😂. Seriously, they won't.

Have you not read the comments about her family?!

This. If they know the timing then it's on them to get there on time.

Which bit, or all of it?

Just say there will be a meal will be at X. Make sure you arrive before then if you can't arrive by X please let us know as we need to know how many meals to order. Then hopefully you won't be paying for meals no one is eating.
If they arrive late they won't get fed, does it really matter though if they arrive during speeches? All it will mean is they will have to wait quietly or enter when there is a break in speech's etc

@ClareBlue going away was amazing, we could concentrate on what mattered. I found the party when we got back a bit unnecessary, unnecessary stress and was not a patch on our wonderful wedding and experience of going away to a castle just the 5 of us.

I went to an old school friends wedding (Hindu). There were various different elements to the day - legal ceremony, different religious ceremonial elements, drinks and nibbles, greeting the bride groom under a canopy (not sure what it is called), then a dinner, speeches, cake, then dancing etc. The invitation very helpfully set out the timetable of when to arrive and when each part of the day would be happening. The greeting bit was long and lots of people dashed off and checked into their hotels during that bit and came back for the dinner! It was really helpful to know the timings.

Just make it nice and clear. It's fine to say "all welcome from 5.30pm welcome drinks , please arrive by 6pm for the start of the evening events" rather than "bums on seats"!

god I so feel for you guys - you sound lovely and are trying your best to accommodate. Both your families sound truly horrific. Forget eloping, I'd be bloody well emigrating!!!

You need to have a window for people to arrive. Like arrival at 5:30pm offer canapes and/or drinks and then meal at 6pm. You could mention "last admission" 6pm ready for meal.

Asking people to arrive on time to the minute is unrealistic.

Why not just have a simple marriage in the UK before this wedding reception? Why bother going to Las Vegas? Just go for a holiday (honeymoon) after the UK event?