Wedding reception invite wording

[Itsaweddingoneagain]

Hi all I’m getting married at the end of the year. Me and DP are ‘eloping’ to vegas just the two of us. I say ‘eloping’ as it isn’t a secret and we have told our families. After many tears, arguments and pushbacks from both sides of our family we’ve decided to host a wedding reception in the UK the month after we get back. Not something we really wanted to do but both of our Mothers have explicitly told us they will never speak to us again if we don’t do something over here. We knew they would be mad hence why we told them before we went and got married.

We are planning a reception of about 50 people. Again much bigger than we would like but I have 5 siblings, DP has 4. They all have partners and both of our parents are remarried. We tried to keep it small but numbers quickly added up. Anyway the reception will start at 6pm and we will arrive at around 6:15/6:20 to make the traditional entrance. We will have speeches (this was important to both sides of our family), food which will be a traditional hog roast style spread, first dance and then it will carry on into the night.

Due to the nature of it we need everyone to arrive at no later than 6. We are worried that no matter what we tell people they will hear wedding reception so will think any time from 6. If people arrive later than this it will just not flow how we need it to. I want to add a tag line at the bottom of the invite saying something along the lines of “Due to having speeches and a sit down meal planned we need all bums on seats at 6pm sharp. If you cannot commit to this time kindly please decline the invite”. My Mum has told me this is really rude. I’m worried about people strolling in at 730 in the middle of speeches!! I’ve been to wedding receptions where people have arrived hours after the initial start time- I’ve never been to a wedding reception that didn’t have an actual wedding before it and nobody we know has either.

Maybe I’m just working myself up because I can’t be arsed with the bloody thing anyway.

@Itsaweddingoneagain

are both your mothers paying for this event that you don't want?

@Dartmoorcheffy

sirry, I quoted you because I'd intended to say 'That's one way of making sure most people turn up really late 🤣🤣

I’ve never known anyone to just stroll into a wedding reception late

Not a sit-down reception, no, but for an evening do, people would typically be arriving throughout the evening rather than everyone turning up bang on the dot.

I realise the OP's reception isn't actually like that, but people might get the wrong end of the stick from the timing and think they can turn up whenever, so I think she just needs to be really clear about what's happening (ie it's a sit-down meal with speeches and not just an open bar and a late-night buffet).

You could word it 'Please come and celebrate Rosie and Jim's Marriage' or similar rather than call it a wedding reception, that would probably change people's expectations.
Love PPs ideas for an evening itinerary with times laid out to make it clear what happens when.
I particularly like
5pm - 6 pm Free Bar 😉
OR
6pm - Champagne on arrival
6.15 Rosie and Jim welcome their guests.
ETC ETC

To play devil's advocate here, OP.

You say you didn't want to hold this event.

You say you don't want to do a first dance in front of your guests.

You say you don't want the speeches.

This is not your dream; it is other people's dream. Specifically, the other people who have bullied you into holding this event, bullied you into making your wedding all about them, and threatened to go no contact with you if you don't comply with their demands.

Why do you care if people stroll in late?

Why do you care if people who can't be bothered to show up on time arrive in the middle of your first dance, or when someone is making a speech you didn't want them to make in the first place?

Your mum thinks it would be very rude to tell people not to be late on the invitations. So presumably your mum won't care if people are late.

If you really are going through with this I would just nod, smile, say, "OK Mum/MIL, you do whatever you think is best", then show up to the party and get stuck into the champagne.

Please arrive promptly for 6pm
Please note late arrivals may not receive dinner

wtf?

i would feel embarrassed sending that to my loved ones

although there doesn’t seem to be much love in this family

What you’ve suggested writing is rude. Just put a short itinerary on the invite so people know there’s speeches, proper food served etc.

Just kindly request people arrive promptly, as speeches will be at 6.20 pm sharp.

Just write..

welcome drink 5:30
ait down dinner 6:00
speeches 7:00 you cant demand people be on time 😂 you can just make them aware theirs a schedule and it’s a formal event.

😂😂😂😂

Because one year MIL and two of his siblings came over on DPs birthday to drop his present off and on the kitchen counter there was an Aldi cupcake with a single candle in it. I’d brought it him in bed with coffee before he went to work that morning. We were the worst people in the world after that and how dare we have a birthday cake and not invite them over.

Initially we agreed to have a party and both of our parents (minus my Dad he is lovely) insisted on speeches and dances. Our siblings all think we are being unreasonable for causing upset as do a few other relatives who have undoubtedly heard our parents twisted versions of the story.

So if they miss it, it will be our fault. I don’t give a hoot who walks in when. I care about the backlash we will get if people think “oh evening reception, lovely I’ll turn up at 9” and then Mum or MIL will be mad Uncle Johnny missed the first dance.

FWIW we’ve decided we’ll have our first dance in Vegas, we just won’t tell anyone.

I’d do this differently to keep it as contained as possible. Early wedding (11am) in the local registry office, buffet in the nearest half decent gastro pub or hotel (5-10 minute walk) and you can clear off by 2pm. People can stay and have more drinks if they want but you’ll be going to catch a train to the Lake District for your honeymoon night (or something). Have it on a week day to reduce the number of people able to come. Then have your wedding blessed in Vegas and an amazing honeymoon. You’ll be able to relax because you won’t have to worry about all the hoo-ha when you get back and you won’t have Auntie Betty phoning you while you’re on holiday wanting the number of your florist so she can get a button hole ordered for Uncle George.

‘Mary and John would like to invite you to their wedding at 11am on Monday 23rd October followed by lunch at The Windy Porcupine.’

You could have the whole thing done and dusted in 3 hours.

Can I just clarify if your parents are paying for this wedding celebration?

If not, why on earth are you having it?

If so, let them crack on with the organising and wording etc, just give them a list of people you want to invite and turn up on the day.

This really isn't your problem to solve.

If your parents want a party, let them host and pay for it; if they're not prepared to do that, the. They can't be that bothered about it 🤷‍♀️

OP, i really think you ought to evaluate just why you are going to dance to the batshit tune here.

So if they miss it, it will be our fault. I don’t give a hoot who walks in when. I care about the backlash we will get if people think “oh evening reception, lovely I’ll turn up at 9” and then Mum or MIL will be mad Uncle Johnny missed the first dance.

this bit of your most recent post is absolutely bonkers. I think it might be an idea for you and your DP to invest at least a bit of your money into some therapy, so you can develop better strategies for handling your family. Because my reaction to my mum or MIL blaming me because Mad Uncle Johnny being late would be to laugh in their faces and tell them to grow up. Not that I'd have invited Mad Uncle Johnny. We didn't have a photographer at our wedding because i really really hate having my photograph taken. There are photos, but not professional ones, and i barely look at them. And for sure there was a bit of pushback from our families so i told them if they want one, they can pay for it. And then... we didn't have one.

it is your party. Have the party you want. Don't dance if you don't want. Or do the chicken dance if you prefer that. etc etc. I really think you're giving it all far too much headspace.

Hmm the whole thing is a bad idea. You will resent it so so much. You'll spend the entire time in Vegas thinking about the awful reception you'll have to host when you get back. I can't imagine why you would do a first dance in front of everyone either. You will hate every.single.second.

If you're having a sit down meal, speeches and first dance you might as well just have the wedding here. Seems pointless eloping, which people usually do to avoid the stress and cost of a full wedding. You're doing all of that anyway apart from the ceremony. Then have your honeymoon on Vegas.

I presume the people causing a huge fuss for you to do all this are offering to foot the bill?

I agree that's a perfect solution.

You'll hate Vegas knowing you're coming back to a party you don't want.

I personally wouldn't go along with what your family are pushing you into, but if that's what you've decided, @BananaLambo s suggestion is the best way to do what the family want, and for you to have a relaxing holiday.

As someone who 'eloped' so got married with just 5 of us there and then had a blessing/party with family and friends when we got back I would very much say don't do it!

I like an invitation to have a start time, a finish time, what I'm being fed and what to wear.

Please arrive by 5.30 pm for a 6pm sit-down dinner. Smart casual/Dress to Impress/Black tie or whatever!

Personally I’d tell them all to shove it! But if you’re dead set on going ahead, I’d put something like:

Trevor and Maud would love you to join them for the evening to celebrate their recent marriage.

Venue: X
Date: Y
Time: please arrive by 5:45pm

If you have any dietary requirements please let us know yadda yadda (to make it clear there will be food)

Then you’ve got a clear half hour for muppets.

She knows that.

Hence the inverted commas

No, she doesn't

So why did she say she was? 😂

https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/read-this-before-you-elope