To not want to share a room on holiday with MIL

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

My LT fiancé's parents kindly paid for all of us to go to new forest this year with his three nephews, sister, her husband and his parents. The three nephews are an absolute pain, they are badly behaved, rude and irritating.

I've now been told I'm no longer going to be sharing a room with my fiancé as the three boys want to share a room with their uncle. Obviously, I'm not happy sharing a room with my MIL for 4 days, although I love her to bits. I'm a grown adult.
Both my fiancé and me have agreed we no longer want to do family holidays with them because it's exhausting and we aren't exactly a big fan of children, albeit they are family.

AIBU for not wanting to share a room with my MIL and no longer wanting to participate in family holidays with them?
If so, how do we go about telling them in the future we no longer want to join without upsetting them.

Um why doesn't your fiance say no, I'm sharing with my DP!

Your DP needs to tell his family that this year (and every year) he is sharing with you not his nephews! And if that goes down badly neither of you go- it’s them not you OP!

He needs to say no, obviously that won't be happening. And then just turn down any furtger invites.

Your fiancé says 'In what universe does someone go on holiday with the man she's going to marry and his family and share with her future MIL? We revert to the original arrangements, or we're not going to be going.'

By telling them its not a 'holiday' if your DN's dictate the sleeping arrangements?

The kids can share with grandma.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Fuck that holiday. Sounds utter awful. Go to Greece or something. No family allowed.

Honestly, we haven't really discussed it. My MIL is quite... demanding. Me and my partner didn't really discuss it as we assumed it's something that will be quickly forgotten by the time we go, but it got brought up again over the Easter weekend.

I said to him, it's not happening. He has told his DM that it's not appropriate to share with his three nephews, but they are adamant they want to and they always get what they want. This is the reason we no longer want to participate in holidays

This is crazy. Get your DP to TELL them (not ask!) that he will be sharing a room with you, not his nephews! No wonder they behave badly, they sound spoilt! When they first suggested that they share with your DP, the suggestion should have been immediately shut down by your DP and MIL. Madness that children are dictating the sleeping arrangements.

As for future ‘holidays’ (which they aren’t at all for you and DP by the sounds of it!) just politely decline with something along the lines of “No thank you, we’ve booked/are looking to book to go away just the 2 of us. Thank you anyway, have a great time!” Or you’ve always got the excuse of needing to save the money for the wedding. Then when you’re married you can say you’ve booked your honeymoon so aren’t doing family holidays that year.

Forget the future, fiancé needs to speak up now and say we agreed to attend on the basis that fiancé and I would share a room. If we can’t have a room to ourselves we won’t be coming.

If you’re sharing with MIL where’s FIL sleeping?

“Hi Mum, I will be sharing with Seeitthrough on the holiday, as arranged before. I assume nobody promised the boys without asking us, but if so then I hope they’re not too disappointed!”

I don't see how the kids always get what they want if your DP simply says no I'm sharing with @seeitthroughmyeyes

Id let them know beforehand so it's clear

This is great. To the point, not up for discussion but still polite

Maybe there isn’t a FIL or he isn’t going as hasn’t been mentioned

Nephews will have to get over the huge disappointment of being told no chance.

He will be sleeping in his own room. MIL and FIL are divorced and have been for 20 years.

Who cares what they want, though? The small children of my family frequent want things they don't get, like six icecreams in a row or to travel in the dog cage in the back of the car. They just have to live with the disappointment.

Has the holiday been booked and paid for yet?!

Yes it has, this is something they often do. It was a Christmas present. Which means it was booked and paid for prior to us knowing

Fuck future holidays, refuse to go on this one if this happens! Those kids need to be told NO, uncle will be sleeping with his fiancée.

But... I don't understand why this means you would have to share with MiL? Surely you just stay in the room you are due to share with DF?

Your DP needs to send the message today and make it abundantly clear that it isn’t happening.

and if it is, then you’re not going on this holiday.

and stick to it.

My MIL is quite... demanding.

Only if you're a doormat. This is when you lay down the law and stand up for yourself. This woman can't boss you around unless you allow it.

Nephews share with Grandpa. My DGSs would love that!

my SIL shared a hotel room for over a week with her MIL, DH and baby. That would be you in a few years time if you don't establish some boundaries.