To not want to share a room on holiday with MIL

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

My LT fiancé's parents kindly paid for all of us to go to new forest this year with his three nephews, sister, her husband and his parents. The three nephews are an absolute pain, they are badly behaved, rude and irritating.

I've now been told I'm no longer going to be sharing a room with my fiancé as the three boys want to share a room with their uncle. Obviously, I'm not happy sharing a room with my MIL for 4 days, although I love her to bits. I'm a grown adult.
Both my fiancé and me have agreed we no longer want to do family holidays with them because it's exhausting and we aren't exactly a big fan of children, albeit they are family.

AIBU for not wanting to share a room with my MIL and no longer wanting to participate in family holidays with them?
If so, how do we go about telling them in the future we no longer want to join without upsetting them.

Jeez, nip this in the bud now. A simple 'oh gosh I thought you were joking, of course df and I will be staying together, don't be so silly!' Should work. If df doesn't handle this well I'd reconsider more than just future holidays as your future in laws sound like a bunch of spoilt brats. Good luck!

I would leave this one to your partner. He needs to say that he doesn't want to share with children and won't be doing so. If it can't be resolved, you both pull out of the trip. Don't get too involved. Let him sort it and just put it out of your head!

Oh man… sorry this does sound like a nightmare holiday

i think soemtimes in life this sort of stress can be easily avoided by saying “no thanks” and setting in boundaries

God, no wonder those kids are badly behaved if they are given that much power to dictate what they want in the family.

Don't go. Set the boundary that you need to be consulted on holidays. They are presenting this as a gift with the expectation that your gratitude means they get to dictate the whole experience. It's a means of control, and you need to make it politely clear that you aren’t going to go along with it.

Otherwise, you will find you have no choice or say in your holidays and this will only become more difficult. Setting boundaries can be very stressful at first, but everyone is happier once they're clear on where the line is and they will get used to it.

Just tell them your not going if you can't share a room together. Tell them MIL shared with the nephews.

Jesus Christ, no way!!!

Just because someone demands something, it doesn’t mean that you have to bend over and offer what they want.

Your fiance has been allocated job of babysitter because MIL knows that the boys aren’t well behaved. It’s not going to be a holiday for him.

I would pull out too. It sounds like it won’t be much of a holiday for you either. If you and your fiance don’t go then the boys can have one room and MIL can have her own room.

Nope - I wouldn't be going at all

I agree with the message PP typed before!

Also why do the children get to make this huge decision?! Not in my world, that's bonkers. Does your DP even want to do it?

You could wind MIL up and tell her that's perfect, she can try your new sleep routine? Where you share your hopes and dreams together listening to 1 hour of fairly loud whale music followed by some tantric chanting and finally a sound bath played on loop during sleep hours? Oh and you also must sleep with all windows and doors open, in a north west facing bed with only 100% silk sheets.

You just say no to that. You’re an adult! Literally say, we are adults and will be sharing a room as normal, thankyou.

Just spoken to my DF, he's made it clear it's not happening, he thought it was just a running joke, but apparently it's not! MIL has said it's going to upset 3rd nephew. DF has said it's not happening.

What a great idea @Tatas! She will fiercely hate me lol!

I wouldn't go. As a poster said up thread DC want lots of things they don't get or can't have. The adults including you determine this. If they refuse then don't go.

Is there actually a room for you and your fiancé? Or have the future in-laws booked too small a place and are now suggesting the DN room sharing thing to cover up (ie your fiancé in with his nephews and you in with the future MiL)?

whatever the logic there is no way I’d be sharing with anyone other than my partner on his fmaily holiday. You need the space and privacy for when his family inevitably get too much.

Did they not even ask about available dates or work leave when they sprung this Xmas “gift” on you? I’d be having your fiancé nip that in the bud and explain you both must be consulted before any holidays are booked.

I mean obviously it's not going to happen.

But what age are these children and what have their parents said?

Thank goodness. Fingers crossed DP doesn’t cave. Has DN3 never heard the word ‘no’ before?

Glad your fiancé put a stop to that notion. It’s the sort of crap my MIL would pull , when she realised she had committed to something she either did not want, or couldn’t handle.

Boundaries all the way. Keep it light, with a Haha, No! Every time.

I think this “the nephews want to share with uncle” must be a cover up for the fact the place is too small!

Is there another room for you and fiancé to have? Or has someone made an error and tried to cover it up?

Maybe some one had originally thought the boys would share with Grandpa and he’s (reasonably - why would any adult want to share within them?) said no way. But the answer isn’t to shove you and your fiancé into available corners.

Just don’t go - it sounds like a nightmare all around.

YANBU either your DP says he wants to share a room with you or doesn’t want to holiday with family.

Will some of this holiday be nice for you? Or is it one of those 'gifts' that turns out to be an obligation? Because if it isn't something you fancy, it is okay to say No, we have our own holiday plans...

I agree with all the others about boundaries - and go in hard now, because this sort of thing gets worse after marriage... 😬

Because I would probably have to strangle Huey, Dewie and Louie by Day 2... 🦆

Nope. It's purely for the children, we are just invited along as we are family.

We've been on 3 previously and I've never enjoyed any of them but as it's my DP's family, he's wanted to go so I've honoured that. But now we're getting to the point where we don't want to spend 4-7 days of my annual leave with 3 children. Maybe I'm selfish?
We don't have children of our own and aren't that fond of them anyway, so it's technically our worst nightmare, I've just persevered for my DP's sake.
My MIL is also obsessed with her grandchildren. She see's three times a week and will do everything and anything for them, as lovely as it is, that certainly won't be the case when if we ever have any, I will be wanting my sweet space!

Is MIL’s other child the Golden Child?
I think she’s promised the golden child a lie in and palmed that job off to your fiance because she knows what the grandchildren are like.

What is the alternative set up? Sounds like there are 4 bedrooms, FILs, MILs, a double, and a four person room.

So where are you supposed to sleep anyway? Is MIL supposed to sleep with the boys instead?

Sounds very poorly planned.