To not want to share a room on holiday with MIL

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

My LT fiancé's parents kindly paid for all of us to go to new forest this year with his three nephews, sister, her husband and his parents. The three nephews are an absolute pain, they are badly behaved, rude and irritating.

I've now been told I'm no longer going to be sharing a room with my fiancé as the three boys want to share a room with their uncle. Obviously, I'm not happy sharing a room with my MIL for 4 days, although I love her to bits. I'm a grown adult.
Both my fiancé and me have agreed we no longer want to do family holidays with them because it's exhausting and we aren't exactly a big fan of children, albeit they are family.

AIBU for not wanting to share a room with my MIL and no longer wanting to participate in family holidays with them?
If so, how do we go about telling them in the future we no longer want to join without upsetting them.

What's that? Your second cousin twice-removed is having a surprise birthday party that same weekend? Oh no!

Nah I know 2 ex-couples who go out to dinner with their ex.
One of the men finishes work early the day his exwife is baby sitting the DGD.

Both couples get on great just not live in the same house.

Let me get this straight: your MIL's Christmas gift to her son and future DIL was a booked and paid for "holiday", with other people, including children, at a time and place of her choosing and that works for her grandchildren? This was meant to be a gift? And now she wants you to share a room with her, and her son to share a room with 3 children, so as not to upset said children?

I've read some things on MN but this is something else. She's treating you like you're one of the nephews! Actually it's worse: she's treating you like the less-favoured grandchildren, there to make life more fun for her favoured grandchildren.

Unbelievable.

No way would I be going on that trip, whatever the sleeping arrangements.

Does mil usually accept you sharing a room?
Practice stamping your foot op. Seems to get the nephew's their own way...

YANBU . I wouldnt want to share with another adult.

I must admit my first thought was that it has been arranged so the OP and her DF are in separate rooms.

I'm glad you've now made it clear that you will absolutely not be sharing with your MIL to appease your demanding nephews. And yes, please don't continue to waste a big chunk of your annual leave on holidays that revolve around three children who are a) not yours and b) obnoxious. It's nice of your in-laws to invite you, obviously, but there shouldn't be any expectation that you take them up on the offer.

I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than holiday with someone's kids!

Op you really need your DF to stand up to this. He is at risk from a safeguarding POV.
What is to stop those boys accusing him of inappropriate behaviour? 3 against 1

Would you like to defend the reason he slept in the same room as them. While there was a living room or he could have shared with you or his father.

He has to say NO

I'd not go. If they don't care about upsetting you stop caring about upsetting them.

Your partner needs to sort this out otherwise you’re not going. Simples.

Nope. Not gonna happen

Surely they just want you to be the unpaid childcare op?
No way would I be going along with that!

And I wouldn’t go on any more either. I’d perhaps do a weekend a year max but def not anything that takes several days of AL.

So the children get to call the shots?

I'm not sure that I'd go tbh.

They'll probably be on at you during the holidays or change the arrangements at some point.

Would your fiance be willing to leave?

If not it might be easier not to go or him to go alone.

I mean it's not a kind gift if it comes with strings is it?

Will you even be able to clear off together?

I am confused, are the kids parents going? If so, I cannot see why the parents are sharing with the kids and an uncle is? That makes no sense. Their kids their responsibility. It is crazy to think anything else.

I don't enjoy doing kiddie holidays unless it was for the benefit of my own, and even then, I'd only go away with my own kids not other people's!

Sometimes holidays with your own kids can be a trial.😂

Yes this! Quoting so it doesn't get lost. You need to know exactly how many rooms there before you go as I bet this was planned all along due to not having an ideal number of rooms.

I've seen plenty threads on here over the years where room allocation has been fraught as the booker hasn't been clear on where everyone is going up front.

Double check these final details before you go.

Also have a look around the area for things you and your DF can do together on your own.

In future just ask that there are no surprise trips planned as you aren't really enjoying them.

I'm going to go a little against the grain here and say so what?

You and DP not sharing a room is a deal breaker obviously, but that sounds like it's been sorted, but everything else is being a bit precious IMO, you aren't forced to spend every minute of every day with them (unless you are both wet blankets who can't say no). Just see what is around in the local area and take yourselves off together everyday and have a blast by yourselves, enjoy the holiday your own way, it is free after all. Then spend a bit of time in the evenings or mornings with everyone to show your face, then off you go again doing your own thing, if your DP wants to spend time with his nephews and you don't want to, then you go off and read a book in the room or go out for a walk or whatever.

It's nice to make memories with the nephews, but if it's not your thing there is definitely a happy medium to be had, basically just please yourselves, and if they hate the way you 'don't join in' then they'll stop arranging for you to come anyway!

There is no way I would be going on that holiday. Set your boundaries now before you get married.

If that is the case then the dad of the children can share with the children and the mother of the children can share with MIL, nothing to do with OP and her fiance

Why is it more weird the father-in-law goes than the mother-in-law? It's his family as well.

Its awkward if they are paying. I wouldn't go. Just say nice thought but it doesn't work for me.

It is ridiculous to expect you to share with your MIL and your DF to share with 3 children. You can go out and about without the children this year providing the room situation is resolved but make it clear next year you are going on your own holiday and won't have enough annual leave to do both. Just because they book it doesn't mean you have to go especially if they don't consult you first.