To not want to share a room on holiday with MIL

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

My LT fiancé's parents kindly paid for all of us to go to new forest this year with his three nephews, sister, her husband and his parents. The three nephews are an absolute pain, they are badly behaved, rude and irritating.

I've now been told I'm no longer going to be sharing a room with my fiancé as the three boys want to share a room with their uncle. Obviously, I'm not happy sharing a room with my MIL for 4 days, although I love her to bits. I'm a grown adult.
Both my fiancé and me have agreed we no longer want to do family holidays with them because it's exhausting and we aren't exactly a big fan of children, albeit they are family.

AIBU for not wanting to share a room with my MIL and no longer wanting to participate in family holidays with them?
If so, how do we go about telling them in the future we no longer want to join without upsetting them.

I was thinking this, I bet this because one extra bedroom would be needed if MIL needed her own separate room.

I'd say to your DF that he can do what he wants, but you aren't coming on this holiday unless it's guaranteed - and this needs to be confirmed by showing a booking with needed number of bedrooms - that you will be sharing with him and nobody else.

Just read your update, much simpler solution then just say you aren't going.

I think this “the nephews want to share with uncle” must be a cover up for the fact the place is too small!

Is there another room for you and fiancé to have? Or has someone made an error and tried to cover it up?

This was my first thought too:

Room 1 - DF + 3x nephews
Room 2 - You and MIL
Room 3 - SIL and BIL
Room 4 - FIL

Unless there's a 5th room or MIL/FIL were originally going to share I'm not sure where you and DF are going to sleep.

TBH I'd decline and find a reason you can no longer go.

Edited for typos.

Yeah, it didn't sound like a dream holiday, and to use up your precious leave for it too... It does sound like your future MIL is a Boundary Basher - you're wise to take heed of how she is with the nephews. I think standing up to her now will not only help you, but might help your fiancé grow his own boundaries too...

If you're not a Kid Person (and I'm not), then a holiday with them is not worthy of the name, is it...

I agree with this.

Going forward DF needs to make his DM understand that leave from work is limited, precious and absolutely not to be arranged and booked on your behalf.

I'm glad your fiance is firm on saying no, OP. I would also wonder why MIL doesn't want to put out her own daughter, the actual mother of the 3 nephews, but would rather inconvenience you. She could have suggested below:

Bedroom 1: FIL and BIL
Bedroom 2: MIL and SIL
Bedroom 3: Fiance and 3 nephews
Bedroom 4: OP, resplendent in her own big bed by herself

If you put up with this and go, then you deserve all you get, lol. Not a chance in hell I would be a/ sharing a room with MIL, or indeed b/ going at all, lol!

It sounds shit, OP. Declining to do shit things isn’t selfish, that’s just a word people weaponise to try and get their own way. You don’t have to be moved by it.

What about
BIL and Nephews
SIL and MIL
you and DP
FIL

Thanks for the replies all, so glad I'm not the only one who doesn't want to participate in family holidays with kids. We weren't particularly happy when we found out it had been booked prior to discussion. I don't enjoy doing kiddie holidays unless it was for the benefit of my own, and even then, I'd only go away with my own kids not other people's!

Shame your request for annual leave has been refused.

Oh what torture! Hope you sorted it.

I would not be going on that holiday. Your been invited to help mind those kids and then they expect you not to share a room because the kids want stay with him.
You need to tell your other half that you are not going because of this and he needs to tell his family this is not acceptable. In fact I would get out of going on this holiday as a couple.
As a couple you have to be able to make your own plans and not be expected to do what your side or his side of the family always wants.

I have seen couples who did a lot for families and what happened to them. I would advise any couple to have boundaries in place in regards to both sides of the family. I would not be hosting them every Christmas. I would also not be dropping all to help them out either as this gets harder if you have kids of your own. Then if you do this other family members will sit back and leave you to deal with elderly in law's who need care and a taxi service.

Sod that, Sorry I can't make it!
And you and DH have a chilled out week at home.

4 people in one room sounds like a nightmare for DF
Meanwhile FIL Lords it up alone.
And SIL & BIL get their own space.

I get night terrors and can scream the place down randomly in the middle of the night. Maybe you've started getting them too OP?

No not selfish, i have a child but doesn't mean i want to hang out with other kids 😂

Not every woman is an automatic mumsy lovey dovey doting kiddy carer 😂 i love my own thats enough emotion and energy exertion for a day haha

I'd also think the money is spent. And they'll pretty much fill the 4 bedrooms with 4 adults and 4 kids anyway.

Walk away guilt free!

I'm going to say this from a safe guarding point of view of your DH. If they mention at school 3 of them in one room with him, people might raise eyebrows - like why? He could be opening himself up to accusations too.

If it makes you feel any better at all, I once had a situation where I ended up inadvertently booking a three person room for me, my H and my mum. mum wasn't speaking to my H at the time (whole other story). By the time I realised what happened, there wasn't another room to be had in the area. It was initially painful (train trip to a different county for a concert) but mercifully our rather comedic situation thawed the ice with my mum and we're many years down the line now with all the water gone under the bridge!

I would not be using my annual leave up for something I don't want to do.

And BTW I think this is a great opportunity for you to set a new standard. Your DF can go on these things if he wants but you don't.

I suspect whatever was agreed beforehand MIL or whoever would revert to what THEY want on your arrival.

This "holiday" which was foisted on the OP and her fiancé isn't worth them giving up their precious holiday allocations. If that's a problem, it's the in laws' problem for acting so presumptively.

@seeitthroughmyeyes you and your partner should both be very firm in saying 'No thanks' to this and future similar assumptions and arrange your own vacations how you want them. 🌹

Absolutely fucking not.

We are childfree by choice and I don't particularly like children, although my nieces and nephews are decent kids and I'm fond of them.

Like hell would I spend a week of AL sharing a room with any of them, though, and I actually quite like them.

If your MIL doesn't agree to treat you and your fiancé like the adults you are and not just some kind of weird grandchild entertainment system, I wouldn't be going.

(Quite frankly, I'm astonished that you've done it three + times as it is: I would have noped out after the first instance.)

I'd agree with that it would all be changed again by the time you get there.

Wave them off and enjoy your leave!

Am I the only one surprised that FIL is going on a family holiday in spite of him and MIL being divorced for 20 years? How bizarre!

If MIL kicks off I'd just be saying you can't get annual leave - and leave your Fiance to it if he still wants to go. Best of luck op!