To not want to share a room on holiday with MIL

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

My LT fiancé's parents kindly paid for all of us to go to new forest this year with his three nephews, sister, her husband and his parents. The three nephews are an absolute pain, they are badly behaved, rude and irritating.

I've now been told I'm no longer going to be sharing a room with my fiancé as the three boys want to share a room with their uncle. Obviously, I'm not happy sharing a room with my MIL for 4 days, although I love her to bits. I'm a grown adult.
Both my fiancé and me have agreed we no longer want to do family holidays with them because it's exhausting and we aren't exactly a big fan of children, albeit they are family.

AIBU for not wanting to share a room with my MIL and no longer wanting to participate in family holidays with them?
If so, how do we go about telling them in the future we no longer want to join without upsetting them.

Absolutely. And in this spirit, why not suggest that SIL, BIL and the little beasties camp in the garden? It will be a great experience for the kids and then there will be plenty of room for everyone else in the house.

You really need to set boundaries if not for now for future trips. Giving you a trip away and then telling you that you wont be staying with your partner seriously that’s not a gift, dictating and controlling springs to mind, honestly I would opt out if not this trip it would be a firm No can’t make it for future trips. Using up holidays to bunk in with your mil, come on seriously… sounds like MIL likes things her way, not a hope. “Thanks for the offer but we can’t make it”

Also your partner needs to have a serious conversation with his mother, big boy pants on and put her back in her box

I see two viable options.

1. Your fiancé man’s up and says no to sharing weirdness, obviously you share or
2. You just don’t go. No loss and you told her not took family holidays again without talking to you first and you can’t get the leave/simply don’t want to go.

Eh, two days isn't a big deal. I agree it sets the tone for the future but OP needs to choose her battles. It wouldn't have made a huge difference to me personally although I wouldn't have loved it.

I would refuse to go. Life is too short, OP. It is controlling and highly manipulative for them to plan your vacation and give it to you as a gift. I wouldn't be willing to waste my vacation days and I certainly wouldn't be dictated to by spoiled children. Set firm boundaries now, BEFORE you get married, and if your fiance has a problem with that, don't marry him.

Excellent advice. I second this.

And I third it.

This... is perfect. Just inspired Bravo @Tatas !

Didn't it cross her mind that you wouldn't be able to book that time off work or that you had already booked your own holiday?

Agree. At work only one of us can take time off at a time. No one would book a fixed holiday for me. That sounds very strange and the sort of thing someone who has never worked would do.

Not read everyones comments so not sure if someone else has said this but I am a bit confused here. Why does OP have to share a room with MIL? Surely the room that was "booked" for OP and her fiance would be empty so OP could sleep in there on her own? I think MIL has not booked a property with enough rooms and this is her way of dealing with her mistake

Yes the property just doesn't have enough rooms. Really they are one possibly two bedrooms short.
FIL
MIL
Op / DP
SIL / BIL
2 kids
1 kid

Which is a 6 bedroom property. I can't think of any holiday accommodation other than 'family hotel rooms' that routinely sleep more than 2 people, excluding cots in parents rooms.

@seeitthroughmyeyes does one of the rooms actually sleep 4 people or are they planning on a couple of campbeds or baby in a cot?

It depends on the ages of the kids really doesn't it?

I mean if they could all sleep in with their uncle then why couldn't they all sleep in with their granny or grandad?

Or Mil & Sil share & the kids are in with their dad?

Or one or two in with MIL or one or two in with their parents.

There's probably enough permutations to bring it down to 4 bedrooms without splitting Op & her fiance.

If Op & her fiance don't go that is surely a bedroom spare?

I doubt the nephews are actually desperate to share with their uncle. That's the MIL manufacturing some excuse to cover the fact the house doesn't have enough bedrooms for the group. It's a holiday for the children and their parents. Sneaky to try to pass it off as a Christmas gift to her son and his girlfriend also when there's no room for them.

Tell the not dear nephews that this time they are not getting what they want and that life sucks that way so they'd better get used to it. Also, go on a different holiday.

How did you get two days? I thought it was for four days?

Thankfully, her DP isn't falling for the "nephew room sharing" scam.

I would just say, "No" and not waste valuable holiday time doing something that isn't even for you and DP.

If you feel you can't get out of the holiday this time without big upset then go & on arrival you & DF claim your room together. If the kids play up let their parents deal with them. Stick to your guns & don't back down if they say the nephews want to stay with their uncle. Just say, ' Yes I too want to spend time with him' I hope your DF has your back & doesn't let them get their own way.

Just a quick catch up, MIL has said she understands, but she didn't think it would be an issue. I've stepped in and told her it's not acceptable to allow the children to choose where they sleep. We are adults and shouldn't have to bow down to a 4 year old child, I'm sleeping with DF and that's final. And the fact we shouldn't even be debating this, I feel like a 10 year old.
We go away three weeks today, so I will keep you all updated as to how it goes. I have a feeling me and DF will be leaving early...

Wohoo a good update OP

Well they won’t get what they want this time, unless mil doesn’t mind if your fiancé pops in for a cheeky fuck now and again.

Excellent update! Start as you mean to go on!

Good update. I'd still have a Plan B sorted. Because you can guarantee things will change again between now and then

I still cannot work the rooms out.
3 kids in one room
Their parents
MIL
FIL

Where are you guys going ? Or is the current plan
MIL & 3 Kids.
The parents
Op & DP
FIL

It's still pretty daft to have 4 people in one room

I have a feeling me and DF will be leaving early...

A distinct possibility if everything is centred around the kids & you get pressured not to have ime away just the two of you.

Good outcome @seeitthroughmyeyes, well done 👏

Enjoy gif trip!