Still out 14 hours later on a BH

[OneWildLemonSnake]

AIBU.....
Me and my partner have been together 5 years. It's quite toxic and he has issues when he drinks with taking other substances, cheating and just being a general git!
It was my daughters birthday this weekend (not his child) and he had the hump we were going out today for the day.
He got up and left the house at 9am, hardly spoke to me.
We left at about 12 and came home around 630pm, he still wasn't home.
She has now gone to her dads, and he still isn't home, he hasn't messaged me at all today - its now 1030pm so almost 14 hours later.
He also has to get up for work at 4am, I know he is out drinking and probably taking drugs.
AIBU to think he's out of order for not even messaging me to say if he is coming home or not and safe?
I also have to get up for work, but he has taken the car I :-(

How on earth could YOU be the one who’s being unreasonable here? I’m sorry to say @OneWildLemonSnake but he sounds like an absolute arse. Are you actually happy with this guy?

I could not and would not put up with this immature behaviour. What utter nonsense. He is showing you his true colours and has no respect for you.

Get rid. That’s what I would do.

cmon do you really expect us to say you are being unreasonable? Are you happy with him being around your daughter?

It's quite toxic and he has issues when he drinks with taking other substances, cheating and just being a general git!

You lost me at this ^^
Why are you with him?

Raise your bar.

YABU for not dumping him.

who's house is it? Who's car is it? How is he going to get the car home if he has been drinking and taking drugs?

Seriously, LTB

"AIBU to think he's out of order for not even messaging me to say if he is coming home or not and safe?"

You've got MUCH bigger problems than him not messaging you. Drinking and taking drugs - it's not a wise choice you've made there for you or your daughter.

Chuck his stuff out, lock the door for good on him then have a good long look at your standards.

Good God.

I'd be thankful he hasn't come home and would be making arrangements to make that the permanent position.

Why on earth are you with someone so awful?

Why are you letting your daughter around this toxic man?

Who's house is it? Who's car?

Get rid of this toxic person.

A cheater out all day on booze and drugs and you’re wondering why he’s not messaged you? There will be three things on his mind and none will include you.

He’s driving too? Wow. What a prince.

There's so much wrong with your relationship its hard to know where to start.
What exactly are you finding attractive in the cheating, drinking, drug taking, gas lighting git?
Why expose yourself or your daughter to this total deadbeat? Seriously why?

No way on earth I would put up with this behaviour. Plus, if he’s been drinking taking drugs then is driving to work at 4am, I would dump him just for that.

Also, getting the hump for taking your DD out for the day? No, sorry, I would be telling him to F off. Your poor DD being around this.

Is this for real?* Why are you subjecting your child to this? You’re as bad as he is.

*I’m guessing not.

i don’t think they are expecting us to do this. i think sometimes when dealing with abusive people and toxic situations which you’ve been conditioned to accepting for whatever reason, you ask the obvious questions to see in black and white that the behaviour is unacceptable and to find the final push to remove yourself from a situation when it’s hard to find the strength to/ you’ve been worn down over a long period of time. If this is the situation OP I wish you strength and hope you can plan a way out because you deserve far better x

I think the women on Mumsnet are more concerned about you than your partner.

Wtf? Why are you with this man, and why are you letting him be around your daughter?! Raise your bar.

Erm... you're with this man why exactly? I'm finding it difficult to understand after that first paragraph.

Is this a late April Fool?

I hope he's not going to drive home. You obviously need to get rid of this man. You deserve so much better and so does your child.

If he does drive home I think you should report him to the police.

OP, is this an abusive relationship (apart from the parts you have already mentioned)? Are you scared of him? This is important information because leaving an abusive relationship, as we know, is complex. But you know this isn’t okay and I think you also know it won’t magically stop. Reach out to organisations that can help you. For the sake of you and your girl, please start taking steps to leave.

He’s a twat. Toxic is absolutely the word. You and your daughter deserve better than this.

Why are you with him and having him around you dd?
whose house and car is it. Do you have a way of getting to work tomorrow

Can you tell us why you have this man around your child because I'm speechless.

This.

YABU for staying in a relationship with a cheating druggie and inflicting his bullshit on your child. Do better, your daughter deserves to realise that this is not what relationships are meant to be like. Unless you want her to end up with a cheating druggie one day too?