Still out 14 hours later on a BH

[OneWildLemonSnake]

AIBU.....
Me and my partner have been together 5 years. It's quite toxic and he has issues when he drinks with taking other substances, cheating and just being a general git!
It was my daughters birthday this weekend (not his child) and he had the hump we were going out today for the day.
He got up and left the house at 9am, hardly spoke to me.
We left at about 12 and came home around 630pm, he still wasn't home.
She has now gone to her dads, and he still isn't home, he hasn't messaged me at all today - its now 1030pm so almost 14 hours later.
He also has to get up for work at 4am, I know he is out drinking and probably taking drugs.
AIBU to think he's out of order for not even messaging me to say if he is coming home or not and safe?
I also have to get up for work, but he has taken the car I :-(

This.

What a lovely world you must have created for your daughter to live in.

Five years of shit.

YABU to stay in this relationship. Why on earth are you with this man??

End it calmly. He probably expects a reaction. Just feel glad you’ve made your mind up. I’d probably take him a cuppa tea up and some paracetamol and just deliver the news in a quiet voice that you’re ending it.

YABU for staying in a relationship with a man who has issues with drugs and cheating when drinking . I just don’t get it

What do you expect, @OneWildLemonSnake ? He's a git, you've said it yourself.

Time to rid yourself and your daughter of a useless, selfish druggy.

Call a lock smith and an uber, job done.

Raise your standards for crying out loud

There’s zero point to this relationship and YABU for having him In your life when you have a child. Do you want your daughter to think this is normal behaviour??? Because that’s the example you are setting. Will you be happy when she has a partner who takes drugs? That’s very likely. You need to make some serious changes op.

I think the daughter at 25 will be able to work out he's a Grade A cunt.

so the drugs and having him around your daughter is all fine but the big issue is the no text message - joke right?

Get rid of him and save up the money you are not spending on him to get your own car.
Fingers crossed for you x

YABU to focus on him being out all weekend rather than him being an abusive bastard. Get rid now, dump his stuff outside & change the locks; at the first sign of trouble call the police.

You've subjected your dd to 5 years of emotional abuse & a toxic environment because of your need to be in a relationship. Stop being selfish & put your daughter first, she should be your only priority in this situation.

I voted YABU because you are by having this puerile chump in your life. Out drinking and doing drugs on a 14 pls hour bender, with a history of toxic behaviour and cheating....

Give yourself a wonderful gift tomorrow by getting rid of this ineffectual man-child.

Urgh get rid of this waste of space and set a better example for your daughter

Well done OP, for making the decision to get of rid of him.
You haven’t made yourself look foolish at all. It takes courage to ask on here and it takes even more courage to tell him to leave, especially when all your friends and family never see this awful side of him and think he’s wonderful.
Don’t you keep up the pretence for him any longer. It’s far too damaging to your self esteem and health.
Now you have made the decision, confide in a family member or friend and tell them about his drinking, drug taking and cheating betrayal.
You will have a much nicer future without him and can look forward to being free of the worry and anxiety he causes you.
I’m sure your daughter will be delighted to know you don’t have to put up with this any longer.
Hold your nerve until you know he’s gone, and all the very best to you !

Call in sick to work today. Then call a locksmith and change the locks. Don’t ever let him back through the front door again. Bag up all his stuff and give it it a mutual friend.

I voted 'unreasonable' because you should have kicked him out by now. Glad you're onto that and hope he leaves without trouble and you can have the rest of your life back.

I vote get the locksmith.

My response was "why are you with him?"

But I see you are genuinely asking yourself the same thing.

Yanbu and yes he should go.

Do yourself a favour and realise you're worth so much more.

Hope this is the wake up call to get rid of the loser and start putting your daughter first.

I think the answer is in the first few sentences, he drinks, takes drugs and cheats....why on earth are you with him?

This and phone and inform the police he was out drinking and taking drugs before he gets home as he won’t be fit to drive and needs to be taken off the road before he kills someone - my friend did this when her ex husband was drinking and drove his car / so please report asap

At 25 I’m sure your DD has an opinion about this loser her mum lives with. What has she said to you OP?