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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Still out 14 hours later on a BH

400 replies

OneWildLemonSnake · 01/04/2024 22:25

AIBU.....
Me and my partner have been together 5 years. It's quite toxic and he has issues when he drinks with taking other substances, cheating and just being a general git!
It was my daughters birthday this weekend (not his child) and he had the hump we were going out today for the day.
He got up and left the house at 9am, hardly spoke to me.
We left at about 12 and came home around 630pm, he still wasn't home.
She has now gone to her dads, and he still isn't home, he hasn't messaged me at all today - its now 1030pm so almost 14 hours later.
He also has to get up for work at 4am, I know he is out drinking and probably taking drugs.
AIBU to think he's out of order for not even messaging me to say if he is coming home or not and safe?
I also have to get up for work, but he has taken the car I :-(

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright3 · 01/04/2024 22:43

I voted Yabu …. Mainly because you are living in this environment with your Dd…

It doesn’t matter if he messages or not … he is likely in your opinion drunk , taking drugs and either going to work or coming home to you and Dd in that state …

Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 01/04/2024 22:43

I guess i already know the answer, just need validation i spose that it isn't normal to kick me into ending it.
Just needed a POV that it is not normal or acceptable behaviour.
My daughter is older thankfully and doesn't live at home 247 so doesn't see much of what goes on

OP posts:
SwordToFlamethrower · 01/04/2024 22:43

For God's sake, don't let him back in!!!!

Gettingbysomehow · 01/04/2024 22:44

And I'm guessing he didn't bother to even say happy birthday to your daughter. That poor poor girl.

watermelonsugar56 · 01/04/2024 22:44

He sounds shocking OP. I think you could easily find someone better who treats you with respect xx

Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 01/04/2024 22:44

She doesn't live here 247, she is over 18 and just stays as and when, i should have said

OP posts:
caffelattetogo · 01/04/2024 22:46

Is it your house?

MrsO3 · 01/04/2024 22:46

OneWildLemonSnake · 01/04/2024 22:43

I guess i already know the answer, just need validation i spose that it isn't normal to kick me into ending it.
Just needed a POV that it is not normal or acceptable behaviour.
My daughter is older thankfully and doesn't live at home 247 so doesn't see much of what goes on

Take it from all of us here, it’s definitely NOT normal or acceptable behaviour, at all. Please please please do better for yourself. You don’t deserve to waste another day on this absolute loser. Get out and move on, you’ll feel so free when you do. You deserve to be happy. Good luck!

caffelattetogo · 01/04/2024 22:48

That isn't being a 'git'. You deserve better.

Berlinlover · 01/04/2024 22:49

I’m so sad for your child.

Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 01/04/2024 22:49

She isn't a child, she is over 18 but makes it no better :-(

OP posts:
CreateAUsername2024 · 01/04/2024 22:51

Why are you even associating with this piece of shit?

LifeExperience · 01/04/2024 22:51

He drinks, takes drugs and cheats on you. Sounds like a catch! Seriously, lose the asshole today.

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 01/04/2024 22:51

CreateAUsername2024 · 01/04/2024 22:51

Why are you even associating with this piece of shit?

This.

IrritableVowel · 01/04/2024 22:51

At best, he is a drug-taking cheat.

Why would you set your bar that low?

Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 01/04/2024 22:52

My house, his car.
I've no clue tbh

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 01/04/2024 22:52

Christ, time to say goodbye

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 01/04/2024 22:52

No one of any age likes to see their mother being treated like this, and at her age trust me she knows he's an arsehole.

Remagirl · 01/04/2024 22:52

So he's sulking because you went out with your child. Why are you with this man child?

Copperoliverbear · 01/04/2024 22:53

"My daughter is older thankfully and doesn't live at home 247 so doesn't see much of what goes on"
So you know what goes on isn't right, your daughter is living in this environment, even if it's only sometimes, he takes drugs, binge drinks and is jealous of your child
Why on earth would you be with him, he brings nothing to the table except misery.
Lock him out, text him tell him it's over and drop his stuff somewhere, even outside the door.
You daughter deserves better and so do you, but if you can't do it for yourself at least get rid of him for her.

GrazingSheep · 01/04/2024 22:53

I feel so sorry for you.
Surely being single has to be better than this ?

Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 01/04/2024 22:54

she is over 18 and doesnt live here 247 - just stays now and then

OP posts:
Scarramoosh · 01/04/2024 22:54

Hang on tight to this one OP, he's a real catch! 🙄

Ithinkofyouallofthetime · 01/04/2024 22:55

I couldn’t imagine having cheating watered down to being “a general git”. Have some self respect because he doesn’t respect you. You allow him to act this way because he knows you don’t have the backbone to end it.

Copperoliverbear · 01/04/2024 22:55

Also meant to say I know your daughter is older but I bet she'd stay more and you'd get on better if he wasn't around.
AIM for better for yourself hes lowlife.