I'm fat, and look as though I should be, but I'm not.

[CettePersonne]

I am definitely being unreasonable.

I was always naturally slim. Around 8st at 5'2ish. Not skinny, I always had a pretty generous arse but on a small frame. I've always loved food - not lots of junk, pretty healthy really but just "normally" not obsessively so - just whatever I fancied without thinking.

Two dcs, multiple mcs, and a lockdown discovery of wine and pringles down and I'm very definitely not slim now. I lost the weight slowly after dc1, but after the mcs and then dc2 (now 5) it was a different story...

I've been exercising properly 3-4 times a week this year and have long since knocked the evening junk snacking on the head and reduced the wine. But the weight is stuck hard now. I'm 40. My belly is outrageous and the arms and arse are following suit. I don't often weigh myself because I never got in the habit because I didn't care, but I'm now 10.5ish st. I think that makes me overweight, but more to the point it looks and feels like it does.

I don't care about the numbers on the scales or on my labels, bigger is fine I see lots of lovely toned looking size 14+ women, I really just want to not wibble and to be able to wear jeans without looking like Humpty Dumpty trying on a wig 😩 My jeans are uncomfortable, nothing fits properly.

So, I've decided to deal with this by throwing a massive strop..! <STOMPS foot and Fucking Swears!!> I am not calorie counting but I have consciously stopped snacking and kept an eye on portions and tried to make healthy choices, and I've really upped my activity. Yet I think I'm still getting bigger... It's really not fair 😩 I already ignore the hunger pangs after the gym, do I really have to cut down to restrictive portions just to stop gaining more weight? I see fit looking women older than me, surely it's not just my age? Has my natural advantage just fucking turned itself off now!? Does everyone over 35 and under 10st actually feel starving all the time!? (N.B. I know I'm being ridiculous.)

Feel free to tell me how unreasonable I'm being I obvs I need to hear it..! But solidarity is welcome too! What is this actually gonna take...?

Im afraid YANBU. Turning 40 was like a trigger on my metabolism and it sucks. It’s probably not true for all women, but I think it’s true for an awful lot.

I will stomp my foot with you (we need an MN emoticon for that).

Nobody is really fat at 10 stone something. Overweight by bmi charts yes but so what. Do whatever you want to do.
Is it National Fat Shaming Day today and I didn’t get the memo? Reading this just after a nasty thread about weight so my tolerance is gone I’m afraid.

Oh no @RawBloomers ..! The writing was on the wall for me from 35, but there were excuses, BUT at 40 it feels like that writing on the wall is now carved in stone..😩

I had to check I didn't write this post myself OP. In the same boat 100% and I also don't understand - is everyone hungry constantly? I don't want to live that life!

I'm mid 30s, I can no longer eat like I used to without putting on weight. I think it happens to the best of us. Are you still drinking wine, I believe a large glass of wine is the equivalent of eating a peice of cake , so you could ge easily consuming lots of liquid calories with no benefit.

Don't get fixated on your weight, look at your body measurements rather than actual weight. For example, I've lost 16 inches off my body measurements since January and dropped a dress size, almost 2 but I've not lost any actual weight on the scales. Let me tell you, its been hard to shift the fat, a few years ago I would have lost this weight in few weeks based on my current diet.

Don't give up hope. Take photos of your body and body measurements now and repeat at the start of every month. If you eating well and doing lots of exercise , then I bet you will start to see physical changes if you keep at it and that will keep you motivated.

I'm really sorry, @Blackcats7 , I didn't intend to be fat shaming at all, more self depreciating and interested to see people's opinions on if there is an particular difference in what I'm doing or just my age to account for the weight change. I saw that thread, it was nasty I agree. x

40 and in exactly the same boat! I just don’t know what to do because when I start to lose weight, I’m eating so little that I’m so so hungry all the time and I’m not giving myself enough fuel for the exercise I do and then I feel exhausted. And I’ve still got fat cells multiplying and wobbling around my bum, thighs and tummy. It’s seriously getting me down.

Also check out Caroline Girvan on YouTube, her workouts are hard but they get results ! 💪

I can assure you that, if you are short and have a small frame, you really can be fat at 10st something. I’m literally obese at that weight.

yes your advantage has gone but it’s not and excuse to reside yourself to a life of being overweight, there are plenty of strategies -
high protein, resistance training, cutting down on drink, which mean slim women over 40 aren’t constantly starving. You’ve probably just never had to educate yourself properly before but you now have to.

Another who had to check that I hadn’t written this!
I’m with you! I started fast 800 today. I don’t like it even if it’s considered to be with in a healthy range. This isn’t my body.

What sort of exercise? Are you in calorie deficit? Using Nutracheck in conjunction with my Fitbit keeps me accountable. But as PP say, after 40 this becomes a bit of a slog I’m afraid.

@Mintearo7 very true for me. I never had to try. If anything I was trying to put on weight and then boom.

10.5 at my height is overweight (29.6)
Only a few pounds heavier at 10.10, I would be obese.
So yes people at 10 stone something can be overweight.

I think sometimes people exaggerate the effect of metabolism changes in your 30s and 40s. I was a bit defeatist about it and was sure it was because I hit 35 .

I had totally ignored the fact in my early-mid 30s I’d became extremely sedentary especially when the pandemic hit and I was WFH (still do) and I blamed it all my metabolism. my activity level had dropped drastically but I was still consuming the same fairly high amount of calories so wonder I gained the weight.

In my 20s, I’d walk 1-2 hours a day easily AND come home and workout three times a week and my job involved a fair bit of standing too.

So I was wrongly comparing myself to a time in my life when I had a far greater level of activity which balanced out all the food I ate.
Now I’m committed to daily movement I’ve lost 2 stone, and nine inches round the waist. Just over one more stone to go before I reach my goal weight.

I think the regular hours of walking /NEAT ie “accidental exercise” each day has a far bigger impact on weight than working out tbh. So I’m now doing gentle exercise like walking for about one hour a day.

Reducing sugar and UPFs is a big help too and going for low calorie high volume meals, so a plate filled with something like salmon and then heaps of vegetables. Whole foods tend to nourish me more whereas the more processed foods often leave me feeling hungrier and hungrier

Every sympathy OP

You ask what it will take.

When we're young, we can lose weight just by vague 'cutting down a bit'

When we get older, and Im much older than you, you have to count.

People will poo poo this but you need to be in calorie deficit and unless you're following some other plan like WW or SW where the plan puts you in a vague calorie deficit, you need to calculate it.

Good luck

That sounds fair @Mintearo7 . And to the pp who asked, yes I still have wine. I suppose I didn't really 10yrs ago and now maybe max a bottle a week. I know it's calorific, but surely it's only a small factor here...🤞 I've not got a sweet tooth, I'd chose a weekly glass or two over cake any day. I could drop it. But I'm with the other pps, this SUCKS!

Bottle of wine is 6-700 cals

Intermittent fasting? I had free always been slim but a couple of years ago I found my weight creeping up a bit. Definitely more sedentary now than in the past.

The only way I can keep a handle on it is by fasting from dinner til lunch the next day. That way I eat what I want the rest of the day and don't feel deprived. But yes, you feel hungry at the start but after a while get used to it.

Take photos of your body and body measurements now and repeat at the start of every month.

Please do not do this.

You cant out exercise a bad diet. I know it shit and tedious but to be in a calorie deficit you really do need to be tracking everything you eat. Weight shouldn’t matter, I’m almost 9 stone but my body fat % is only 19 so I’m pretty small still at 5ft 2. I’m very active and I dont track because I’m not trying to lose weight. I know exactly what I’m doing but I’d still need to weigh and track food if I wanted to lose some body fat/weight.

Why not? That’s great advice! Throw out the irrelevant scales!

And that's enough to carry an extra couple of stone do you think @soupfiend ? I have a slice of toast and a cuppa for breakfast most days, simple lunch maybe a jacket with a tin of tuna/mackerel + salad, soup, stuff on toast or dinner leftovers, then a dinner of normal home cooked stuff but now bulked with veg and less of the carby whatever is going. I wouldn't have thought twice about a second helping of eg spag bol a few years ago, now I try and make sure I can see the edges of the dinner plate when I serve up. I will of course ditch the wine if I have to, but it seems mad that that is what is making the difference here. Maybe I do just need to accept my youthful advantage is long gone and get to grips with calorie counting. Thanks for the solidarity in the foot stomping form pps though!!

YANBU

I understand how you feel OP, I was in similar situation. I had always been size 6-8 but ever since I got married I couldnt go back to my normal weight. I had 2 kids and put on a lot of weight specially during lockdown. I was almost the same weight as my DH who is 20cm taller.

I was unhappy and felt really fat ( this is totally personal, not saying people with my hight and weight are fat, but I felt fat compared to how I used to look). I couldnt wear my old clothes anymore.

I started intermittent fasting and lost 10kg over 6 months. It was a slow process but it didnt take much effort because I would still eat what I liked, just within the 8 hour window.

Its been 3 years now. I have been back to size 8 and do look a lot better in most outfits. Im not strictly doing IM anymore but I weigh myself every morning, if my weight has been going up for a few days, I would be careful with what I eat.

BMI is 23, NHS still tells me I am overweight because of my ethnicity.

To those who mentioned it, I did go through a phase of kind of intermittent fasting a while ago and in the face of it it was ok. But I do get quite light headed sometimes and found that it was worse if I hadn't eaten breakfast. And now I couldn't imagine trying to exercise having gone a long time without eating.

I am swimming at least 3 x a week, and walking a lot more.