I'm fat, and look as though I should be, but I'm not.

[CettePersonne]

I am definitely being unreasonable.

I was always naturally slim. Around 8st at 5'2ish. Not skinny, I always had a pretty generous arse but on a small frame. I've always loved food - not lots of junk, pretty healthy really but just "normally" not obsessively so - just whatever I fancied without thinking.

Two dcs, multiple mcs, and a lockdown discovery of wine and pringles down and I'm very definitely not slim now. I lost the weight slowly after dc1, but after the mcs and then dc2 (now 5) it was a different story...

I've been exercising properly 3-4 times a week this year and have long since knocked the evening junk snacking on the head and reduced the wine. But the weight is stuck hard now. I'm 40. My belly is outrageous and the arms and arse are following suit. I don't often weigh myself because I never got in the habit because I didn't care, but I'm now 10.5ish st. I think that makes me overweight, but more to the point it looks and feels like it does.

I don't care about the numbers on the scales or on my labels, bigger is fine I see lots of lovely toned looking size 14+ women, I really just want to not wibble and to be able to wear jeans without looking like Humpty Dumpty trying on a wig 😩 My jeans are uncomfortable, nothing fits properly.

So, I've decided to deal with this by throwing a massive strop..! <STOMPS foot and Fucking Swears!!> I am not calorie counting but I have consciously stopped snacking and kept an eye on portions and tried to make healthy choices, and I've really upped my activity. Yet I think I'm still getting bigger... It's really not fair 😩 I already ignore the hunger pangs after the gym, do I really have to cut down to restrictive portions just to stop gaining more weight? I see fit looking women older than me, surely it's not just my age? Has my natural advantage just fucking turned itself off now!? Does everyone over 35 and under 10st actually feel starving all the time!? (N.B. I know I'm being ridiculous.)

Feel free to tell me how unreasonable I'm being I obvs I need to hear it..! But solidarity is welcome too! What is this actually gonna take...?

I love this woman’s videos so much! Not only are her work outs interesting and effective, but she doesn’t talk through them!!!

start out with the Beginners Epic series because even if you’re not a beginner at exercising, they are tough!! I would also suggest not being too restrictive on food. If you restrict too much, your body will go into starvation mode and hold onto everything you eat!!! Snacking on salads, and vegetables with some fruits is the way to go. But do listen to your body. If you are hungry, eat!! The other thing to watch out for are the hidden things. Condiments, dressings, pasta/ curry/ Chinese sauces from a packet or jar are often way worse for us than we think as are fizzy drinks, fruit juices etc.

“health snacks” like protein bars or the type of things that market themselves as healthy options are usually bullshit and fresh fruit/veg/meal cooked from scratch is way better for you and often more filling.

I feel your pain, and it is tougher after 30 but sticking with things cooked from scratch or things “as nature intended” like fish, meat, grains, fruit and veg along with Caroline Girvan will hopefully help.

good luck!!!

YANBU. I hit 40 and that was it. As someone who was previously very skinny and could eat whatever they wanted, I’m struggling to have to cut back and wonder how much I’ll have to cut down.
I drink too much wine, eat too many snacks, have a sedentary job, drink hardly any water.
Even worse I have thin ish limbs, all the fat is on my stomach and boobs, I resemble a beach ball.

Sorry - from another in your boat. I'm 5'2 and scared to get on the scales. I think partially its age - i'm almost 39, but I do think it is 99% to do with that damn second child!!! I managed to lose the weight fairly well after the first, but after the second I am utterly exhaused, constantly have child colds and between that, work and general life, I am barely functional (I also enjoy weekend wine to take the edge of the giant list of life stresses). I did mange to lose 10 lbs last summer, mainly through walking, but I suspect i've regained some recently. Ah to be 25 again...

I know the struggle. I ve been there. In my mid 40 s during covid lockdown I self medicated ( treated myself crisps & wine) and then with WW & exercise lost 3 stone BUT life has gone to shite now and no time or inclination for time for me...packing on pounds ( 1 stone up)
However, I will get back there
Prioritise yourself.
xxx

Try the Noom app. I’m in my 40’s, more MCs in the last 2 years than I care to talk about and 1.5 stone up on my preferred “top weight”. I did Noom a few years back but got an annoyed with their pricing strategy so I left. Luckily, I screenshot lots of their daily motivational messages and have been getting back into it this year. The psychological approach to weight loss works for me. Good luck 😊

@CettePersonne I know where you are coming from, taking those before pictures were hard, I felt disgusted at what I had let myself become, stubborn back fat and a wobbly belly, my face was puffy and I had terrible spots from too much sugary junk.

Hit the gym hard and massively cut back throughout Jan, and come Feb whilst my weight remained unchanged, I could see a difference in my photos, and that spurred me on even more to keep going. If I had just looked at the scales, I would have felt disheartened and probably thought sod it.

I have a pair of jeans that I try on at the start of each month, in Jan I couldnt get them passed my thighs, today whilst they are still too tight, I can zip them up. Those pictures are the best thing I could have done for myself, nobody else sees them except me.

@costahotchocolatesaremyweakness yes, that damned second child does have a lot to answer for here!.. (and I'd do it all again 😀❤️)

I’m very much the same OP. I got through the pregnancies OK without too much permanent weight gain but lockdowns onwards I’ve just been so fat.

I’m 5’6” and was always so slim when I was younger - size 8 when young but still a steady size 10 from about 25- approaching 40. Was gaining a bit (maybe a 12) as we went into lockdowns but now I’m a 14 nudging 16. It’s just not me! I don’t feel like myself this weight at all.

I have done lots - I took up running, I’ve given up sugar entirely (or as much as you can) and eat a healthy pescatarian diet. But it doesn’t work. I am on a waiting list for an ADHD assessment which I think is relevant because I just can’t abide the feeling of hunger- I have a very impulse control for some things and if I’m hungry I do have to eat something or I can’t rest - but this was always fine when I was younger! I’m happy for it to be a healthy something but I’m not spending my life hungry. I also can concentrate when I am.

From 30 onwards I definitely put on weight far easier but could still lose it quickly and tone up too, even in 40s. But from late 40s to my age now 52, I can still lose weight but it’s an effort and I don’t enjoy exercise as much as I used to. I can’t run anymore due to plantar fasciitis.

I wouldn’t necessarily say you’re fat at your weight but I’m 5 ft 5 and at 10 stone people say I look good and don’t need to lose weight.

I personally think your breakfast isn’t filling, porridge and blueberries or puffed oat and fruit and yogurt would be better. Scrambled eggs on toast with mushrooms would be good.

I’d reduce but not cut out carbs. Try to snack on fruit or low fat yogurt or boiled eggs or veggies like carrot and cucumber sticks with hummus. Pop chips are nice. Buy and then make with the pots low fat jellies. You can have the odd chocolate or treat. Don’t deny the odd treat. An apple with low fat cheese is nice. Low sugar rich tea biscuits are nice. Don’t mistake thirst for hunger. I try eg to have 2 plums and a green tea after lunch when I go for my lunchtime walk.

I turned 45 and the weight just piled on and my body shape changed. I also became peri-menopausal. I fucking hate it, nothing I do makes a difference.

I go to the gym 5/6 days a week, go for a walk almost every day, cycle when I can.

Following. Am in the same boat, OP.
was always thin until my mid 30’s, and found it easy to lose weight if I wanted to.
Now, at age 46, I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been (am 5ft 2 and 9.5 stone.) it DOES NOT look good on me - all on my tummy and back, and out of nowhere, about 3 chins 😩
5 years ago, I could get into a size 6.
Now, I’m a 12, which doesn’t sound much, but when you’ve been used to being much smaller, it really looks massive on a small height and frame.

@tigerbear 👊

I was around the same weight (and 5’1) when I was 43/44. I’m 51 now and under 8.5 stones. I think it was about gradual changes and getting into better habits….I wasn’t actually trying to lose the last half stone and didn’t believe it was possible. I also don’t have much of a breakfast and try to keep the carbs below 100g. No eating in the evening - which I’m forced to stick to because of stomach problems. No alcohol. I’m a bit hungry before bed but not during the day.

I went up to 135lbs at 5'4 during Covid. My usual weight was around 120.

Losing it was hard. I'm 46 now.

I cut down on calories a lot, no more snacking, and much more water.

For exercise Pilates. Muscle building helps your body burns calories.

Mainly though it's diet.

I'm in peri-menopause and have stage 4 endometriosis. Lately I've been in too much pain to move as much.

I have to eat less. If you don't have as much time and energy to workout you have to eat a lot less.

It took a year to lose the 15 lbs. It didn't happen overnight. But it also took me 2 years to gain 15 lbs. I expected to lose it fast so it helped to keep that in mind.

I’m 5’3 and 7 stone 12 so you’d think I’d be skinny but since I hit full menopause I gained fat around my middle and lost muscle. I weigh the same as I did when I was 30 but I’m fatter.

I’ve had to resort to YT stomach exercises and low carb. It is going down but what a massive effort!

I'm with you OP it totally sucks! I'm 40 and am really struggling with my weight. HOWEVER, the only thing that helps me lose is calorie counting and keeping a food diary religiously.

I don't starve myself I have 1500 cals a day, but I have to properly measure everything that passes my lips including measuring milk in my tea, condiments, weighing the butter on my toast with digital scales. It's the only way I got a proper idea of what I was actually consuming (eg when I had museli I was eating about 3x the bloody recommended serving size when I actually went to weigh it!) And I try to do 10k steps a day too.

Seriously get a free My Fitness Pal account set up and start logging religiously and going on the forums. It really does help, but you've got to do it every day and plan your meals, when you start guessing how much you've eaten after the fact it stops working.

Having the metabolism and lack of time of a 40 year old professional with kids is no joke. 😅

I’m 34 and in the same boat! Always been a bit flabby around my belly but recently managed to lose lots of weight - not through trying but by trying to manage my heartburn of all things! I started chewing food properly to help with that and as a side I ended up eating about a third of what I used to! Whilst it’s been great I’m now terrified of putting it all back on so I have to really concentrate when I’m eating and not just watch telly/scroll through social media whilst having meals even if I’m on my own. It takes work but it seems to work for me - and so far I’ve been able to keep the heartburn at bay too 🤞🤞

I should also add that I’ve always been very active - I have a manual job and enjoy exercise on top of that, it’s just always been food that was my fall down (and not cookies or chocolate as I don’t have a sweet tooth - it’s bread and pasta for me…)

I do think that menopause does strange things to the body.

I'm 5' 9", 50, and whatever the fuck I do, I'm 62kg.

I cam low carb and IF, or eat like a fucker.

62kg.

No change.

It seems I'm now 62kg.

I do believe that all of us have a weight that our body is happy with - even when I was what I thought of as fat, I never got bigger than a certain point. Perhaps that’s my body’s happy place! Sadly it’s not mine so it’s a constant fight/work to be where I want to be…

I’m get you. I’d be massive at 10.5 stone cos I’m very slim built - the most I’ve been in a non-pregnant state is just over 9 and my waist would be in the ‘at risk’ category.
When I was 40 I did ‘The Shred’ dvd - it worked very well in terms of weight loss - I probably combined it with healthy eating etc.
Now I’m quite slim but I have been in a restricted diet due to some health issues (acid reflux) - weight loss is def possible over 50 even - and I don’t do much exercise. I still have a bit of a tum though compared to the rest of me so I’m a comfortable 12 or n the bottom and 10 on top.
Look at eating whole foods and UPF free foods.

I'm mid-40s and 5'7 weighing around 9 stone and the only way I can stay at that weight is intermittant fasting. I have been doing it for a long time now and I eat between 11 am and 7pm (but sometimes I cheat if I'm going out) and my body has now gotten used to being hungry for parts of the day and it's no longer uncomfortable. I can see why people think it would be torture but feeling hungry is actually not that bad and it's fine when you know that soon it will be over. We're just so used to instant gratification these days. Fasting has shrunk my stomach too so I can't eat as much anymore too so that's a bonus.

Age is definitely a factor but there are things that can help. If you are getting hunger pangs it could be either sugar crashes (too many carbs) or that you are starving yourself at one point of the day only to overeat at another point.

Pay attention to your protein and carb intake. Drink lots of water. Don't eat too late at night. Know that a "cheat day" can knock out your calorie deficit from the week before.

Consider weight training, which is really important for women as they age. Exercise is a small part of the weight loss process but essential for your overall health.

Sleep quality is also so important, do your kids let you sleep?

Go on YouTube and follow exercises for posture - lifting babies and toddlers makes you round shouldered - if you can straighten your back -say, 10 mins ex a day it should help a lot.

Yanbu even last year before I turnt 35 I was allowed 1800 calories a day as soon as I hit 35 1600 I’m same 5”2 I’m 10stone 5 also but I excercise alottt! And I’m only a size 12 I have to be 9.7 ish to be a 10 my happiest place however I have been 10stone 8 before and a size 14 and looked MUCH bigger but I was dormant no exercise! So it goes to show that you can be a similar weight and look visually very different.

I used to do whatever diet I felt like now however I really do need a calorie counter to lose even a pound! Very disheartening.