I'm fat, and look as though I should be, but I'm not.

[CettePersonne]

I am definitely being unreasonable.

I was always naturally slim. Around 8st at 5'2ish. Not skinny, I always had a pretty generous arse but on a small frame. I've always loved food - not lots of junk, pretty healthy really but just "normally" not obsessively so - just whatever I fancied without thinking.

Two dcs, multiple mcs, and a lockdown discovery of wine and pringles down and I'm very definitely not slim now. I lost the weight slowly after dc1, but after the mcs and then dc2 (now 5) it was a different story...

I've been exercising properly 3-4 times a week this year and have long since knocked the evening junk snacking on the head and reduced the wine. But the weight is stuck hard now. I'm 40. My belly is outrageous and the arms and arse are following suit. I don't often weigh myself because I never got in the habit because I didn't care, but I'm now 10.5ish st. I think that makes me overweight, but more to the point it looks and feels like it does.

I don't care about the numbers on the scales or on my labels, bigger is fine I see lots of lovely toned looking size 14+ women, I really just want to not wibble and to be able to wear jeans without looking like Humpty Dumpty trying on a wig 😩 My jeans are uncomfortable, nothing fits properly.

So, I've decided to deal with this by throwing a massive strop..! <STOMPS foot and Fucking Swears!!> I am not calorie counting but I have consciously stopped snacking and kept an eye on portions and tried to make healthy choices, and I've really upped my activity. Yet I think I'm still getting bigger... It's really not fair 😩 I already ignore the hunger pangs after the gym, do I really have to cut down to restrictive portions just to stop gaining more weight? I see fit looking women older than me, surely it's not just my age? Has my natural advantage just fucking turned itself off now!? Does everyone over 35 and under 10st actually feel starving all the time!? (N.B. I know I'm being ridiculous.)

Feel free to tell me how unreasonable I'm being I obvs I need to hear it..! But solidarity is welcome too! What is this actually gonna take...?

The best I've ever looked was when I was doing body pump and yoga twice a week each. I actually weighed slightly more than I do now but I was fairly toned.

Weight bearing exercise is really good for bone strength too which is so important once we hit our forties and beyond.

If you want to lose weight, you need to be calorie deficit. That’s it. So you need to know what you’re eating. Use something simple like MyFitnessPal, and get a watch that you can record your activity.

You can try faddy diets, fasting, restrictive eating etc, but none of it is sustainable. It sounds like you’ve just into bad habits.

Everyone is different OP, so no, not everyone who slim is starving, but it's worth calorie counting just for a week or so to see how much you're really eating.

I'm 50 and I have to watch what I eat or I gain weight, but as long as I stick to around 1600 calories a day, don't snack between meals and exercise 3-4 times a week I can maintain 9 stone. If any of those conditions changes though I very rapidly start to gain and before very long all my clothes are tight and I look like a blimp! A lot of it is genetics, so look at your parents and grandparents - whose body shape did you inherit? That will give you some clue as to what you're fighting!

Don't get down, OP, what you're doing now sounds great for maintaining a healthy weight and fitness. I do agree with others that calorie counting to make sure you are in a deficit is the most realistic way to actually force your body to use up that stored fat. At least, in a way that doesn't take so long that you end up getting demoralised and giving up. That's how it was for me, anyway.

I'm jealous because i never had a youth advantage! Been overweight all my life, was easily out eaten by my slim friends and was really active, outside playing and running about etc from the minute i got home from school til it was time to come in for tea, yet was always the fat kid. I've had a double chin since i was 10 ffs. I remember getting on the scales at 13, and being 185lbs, and at 15 i was an adult size 16. Diagnosed PCOS with insulin resistsance at 18, and currently 34.5 and 17st 7lb
Just found out i'm deficient in B12, D, and am high end of pre diabetic, level was 46, and 48 is considered Type 2 diabetic.
I don't drink alcohol, but the bullying from being young and overweight led to binge eating disorder and PTSD.
For me, i definitely think there is a hormonal link, especially as women get older and produce less. I've had a contraceptive implant for the last 10 years, starting to wonder if its actually adding to my problems, when previously i never thought it affected my appetite so couldn't have affected my weight, now im not so sure.

YANBU. I am about the same height as you, and scales are just sitting over 11stone and I am a BLOB. All the weight goes to my middle and my face...well everywhere gets fatter but my tummy gets ridiculous. I could pass for 6 months pregnant.

How is it fat shaming to call YOURSELF fat? If I say I am fat, which I am, I am fat shaming nobody else but myself. Get a grip.

now I try and make sure I can see the edges of the dinner plate when I serve up.

Cant believe no one else has picked up on this. Its obviously a portion size issue, this isn't normal eating and certainly not a deficit for losing weight.

I’ve never been able to eat what I want but I do a lot, ALOT of exercise so I could eat a decent amount and not be starving.
Then I hit 40 and boom. Suddenly the weight started piling on. I’m still doing the same amount of exercise but I have to eat much less to see any drop in the scales. I’m always, ALWAYS hungry.
Its awful. I’m 10kg heavier and I can’t get it off. It’s like it appeared overnight and is stuck. I thought I could avoid menopausal weight gain but doing the same as I always did but it seems impossible

Nooooo…. just eat stuff that you can eat loads of

I love veggies so eat loads…. stuff like broccoli is really filling, it doesn’t have to be boring and boiled, roast broccoli (and roast veg generally) is amazing.

To be fair, this is my preferred type of food, so is no hardship. Although I have cut down sugar and white carbs to be healthier (used to have dessert with every meal) and I’ve found that your tastes adjust when your diet does.

Another meal I do is a big pile of veg – roasted, steamed, whatever – with a really tasty blue cheese sauce. Maybe a few bits of potato thrown in.

If you feel hungry, eat!

The only thing I have ever done to lose weight where I am not constantly hungry is low carb ( roughly under 50g net). The cravings for sweet things just fades away, I feel full after a meal. I do it together with intermittent fasting.
If you’ve tried IF in the past OP, and felt light headed, combine it with low carb. You can’t really fast when you’ve just had a piece of toast and a jacket potato, etc. That food doesn’t sustain you. You need fat to keep full. And protein. Ideally 1gr of protein for every pound of your ideal weight.
Lastly, if you try IF and low carb, ease up on it the week before your due your period. Your body needs more glucose to make progesterone that week. Add in healthy carbs like beans, lentils, fruit.

You need to stop restricting. Dieting leads to weight gain, scientific evidence supports this.

You can return to your old ways - intuitive eating aka listening to your body and practicing food neutrality. Check out the book Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole. @NoFoodRules on instagram is great. Intuitive Eating Ireland podcast is a really good intro.

I already ignore the hunger pangs after the gym

Stop ignoring your body's natural cues. You are hungry because your body is telling you it NEEDS food, especially in the post-workout anabolic window.

https://lewis.gsu.edu/2021/10/13/fact-or-fiction-the-anabolic-window/

Can I ask in what way? Sorry if I'm sounding daft, it's just I can't work out from some of the posts if I'm eating too much or not enough 😆
The plate thing wasn't actually meant as an actual hard rule I'm imposing on myself, more of a shorthand way of saying that I've been trying serve up reasonable portions (up upping the portion of veg vs carbs) rather than overfilling my plate with that extra dollop of eg mashed potato just because it's there, or piling up my spag bol then going back for seconds if I fancied it. I never thought about portion sizes before, but now I'm trying to.

lol at 'intuitive eating'

Thats what caused me to be 10 stone overweight.

Sounds like you had a seriously tough time and never cracked it

Thanks all for your thoughts, it's really interesting to read and definitely food (🙄😆) for thought.

It's a bit of a tricky thing to shift from never really thinking about food in relation to my weight, to trying to work it out now in a healthy way. I can see certain things will be contributing now I think about it - I have a reasonable number of cups of tea = milk, I've taken to having real butter on my toast, I probably eat too much bread, etc. I'll get there! 🤞

I have a similar experience over the past few years since turning 40. I did the 3 week plan with Heath with Bec and learned a lot from it. It’s the first time I’ve stuck with a diet & the food is really good.

Try out a couple calculators.

https://www.calculator.net/macro-calculator.html

I’d recommend downloading my fitness pal app to track your food. Do it for a week or so without dieting, just what you would usually eat to get an idea of what you’re consuming. Then let the calculators guide you to an appropriate deficit.

It definitely does get harder as you get older, but I am surprised it is such an issue at that height and weight. I am apparently the exact same height and weight as you, and while I would like to lose half a stone in an ideal world, I don't feel horrendously overweight. I am a size 10/12, and feel fit and healthy. I run and horse ride regularly, and have pretty much decided life is too short to worry about the slightly wobbly belly. Are you sure it is as bad as you think it is, or is it because you were so slim before, it seems worse than it really is now?

Strength training is vital - you may not be able to out-exercise a truly bad diet but I am coming to believe that you also can't out-diet muscle loss.

Losing weight too fast and without building strength means you lose muscle mass alongside fat, which tends to lead to a lower daily energy expenditure because you tend to move less and muscle itself uses a lot of energy. Hence your calorie needs drop further and you get into a vicious circle. Training hard is good but you need to fuel that training for it to have maximum effect.

For context I'm 47 and have been steadily losing weight and gaining strength and fitness over the last 4 years. I only track food to make sure I am getting enough calcium and protein, and I am never starving so it is possible!

I hate to break it to you, but if you haven't thought about portion sizes before, you're probably in for a bit of a shock.

At some point, weigh out what you would consider a 'portion' of things like pasta or cheese, then look at the back of the packet and weigh out what it says a portion is. My 'handful' of grated cheese was 100g/400 calories and didn't even feel excessive

Also, that's not to say you have to stick to the portion size on the packet (literally nobody can survive on 30g cereal 'portions'), but an awareness of the calories of 120g instead of 30g will help you, rather than thinking I've had a bowl of cereal, must be x calories.

PP is right, you could try eating 'normally' but just weighing and tracking everything. Then you'll be able to see where to make some easy changes for some quick wins. Like I said, cheese was my big downfall, I had no idea I was eating so much and it was adding so much to my daily calorie intake.

This. Investing in scales that also measure muscle and body fat is important. I know they are not hugely accurate but they are accurate enough to spot trends. This is why people the same weight can eat different amounts. Muscle is so important to maintain as we get older and therefore exercise become more important.

Yes, I fear a proper assessment of portion sizes could reveal some harsh truths
@Sparklfairy

There probably is an element of that @Goinggoingone , it is more noticeable because I was always slim. I don't think I'm drastically overweight, but I am definitely carrying too much fat and not carrying it well. My old size 12 jeans are uncomfortably tight, I need 14s really but anything I try on doesn't fit well at all. My arms are chubby, but apart from that I'm carrying it all on my arse thighs and belly (oh no of course a bit couldn't stick to the chronically small boobs, fuck you universe!) so I feel pretty out of proportion.

Several posters have mentioned it and I am aware that weight training becomes more important the older you get. I will look into it and try and find a way to add it in, maybe a few sessions with a friendly PT is in order. I do need to be so careful not to injure myself though. But it's a vicious cycle isn't it, you are weak so more likely to hurt yourself anyway..! And I'm sure lack of core strength is making the belly look worse than it could.

Anyway, I'm surprised I haven't expended enough calories moaning about it to turn me into a size 8 picture of health and fitness. Thanks all for your patience and your thoughts 😊

>10.5 stone at 5'2
>fat

Oh deary me.🙄

I wouldn't consider you fat either @cemetery , I don't consider myself 'fat' (I weighed myself this morning, I'm actually 10st7lb now). My thread title is a probably ill advised and too obscure reference to Lock Stock which crossed my mind as I wrote my op. But I do know I don't look or feel as healthy as I'd like. And I like to moan 😄