I'm fat, and look as though I should be, but I'm not.

[CettePersonne]

I am definitely being unreasonable.

I was always naturally slim. Around 8st at 5'2ish. Not skinny, I always had a pretty generous arse but on a small frame. I've always loved food - not lots of junk, pretty healthy really but just "normally" not obsessively so - just whatever I fancied without thinking.

Two dcs, multiple mcs, and a lockdown discovery of wine and pringles down and I'm very definitely not slim now. I lost the weight slowly after dc1, but after the mcs and then dc2 (now 5) it was a different story...

I've been exercising properly 3-4 times a week this year and have long since knocked the evening junk snacking on the head and reduced the wine. But the weight is stuck hard now. I'm 40. My belly is outrageous and the arms and arse are following suit. I don't often weigh myself because I never got in the habit because I didn't care, but I'm now 10.5ish st. I think that makes me overweight, but more to the point it looks and feels like it does.

I don't care about the numbers on the scales or on my labels, bigger is fine I see lots of lovely toned looking size 14+ women, I really just want to not wibble and to be able to wear jeans without looking like Humpty Dumpty trying on a wig 😩 My jeans are uncomfortable, nothing fits properly.

So, I've decided to deal with this by throwing a massive strop..! <STOMPS foot and Fucking Swears!!> I am not calorie counting but I have consciously stopped snacking and kept an eye on portions and tried to make healthy choices, and I've really upped my activity. Yet I think I'm still getting bigger... It's really not fair 😩 I already ignore the hunger pangs after the gym, do I really have to cut down to restrictive portions just to stop gaining more weight? I see fit looking women older than me, surely it's not just my age? Has my natural advantage just fucking turned itself off now!? Does everyone over 35 and under 10st actually feel starving all the time!? (N.B. I know I'm being ridiculous.)

Feel free to tell me how unreasonable I'm being I obvs I need to hear it..! But solidarity is welcome too! What is this actually gonna take...?

The thing is, the majority of us are overweight, so the dial for perceiving "fat" has shifted. People are also awfully touchy (with some justification) about it.

But our bodies are reacting against modern life - overeating (especially sugar, UPF), lack of movement (including as a minor aspect - conscious exercise), poor sleep etc. Lifestyle-affected diseases - cancers, heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, mental health issues - don't care about messages such as "real men like curves" or "big girl energy".

No one should feel ashamed of their body. Who decided that a sticky-out belly was something to be "ashamed" of? Mine will never be flat no matter what my weight. But everyone should do their best to protect their health.

It is overweight though. I am roughly that weight and 5'3". I am overweight and look it. I look much better a stone lighter.

ok so lost a stone instead of projecting your insecurities onto random Mumsnetters. I'm 10 stone and 5'3 and I look great.

I’m just under 11 stone at 5’1” and I’ve been marked as “high risk - obese” on my medical records. It’s made me feel shit. I lost half a stone last year just by gently reducing carbs but I also lost loads of hair - now I’m too scared to try again!

I'm sure you do look great Cemetery there's no reason to think you wouldn't. You're half a stone lighter, but the real point is that this is an individual thing - body shape and health matters. 10st with toned muscle will look and feel very different to 10 and a half stone with a lot of belly fat at 5'2/3. Foxandbee was being factual about her situation I think.

I totally agree with this. OPs concerns are valid and there is nothing wrong to want to get back to a healthier weight or look. She is not calling anybody else fat.

Nice.

It is not insecurity. The BMI chart tells me that I am overweight. Yes, you can still look great at any weight, but pointless denying the facts! As a pp says, most of us are overweight now. It is not a good thing.

ETA: you are not overweight btw at that height and weight, so not sure why you have reacted so strongly to my post! The OP accepts she is as I accept I am.

that is not a normal reaction to weight loss, have you spoken to your doctor?

I put my ideal weight in lbs, and then times it by 12. That is your daily calorie goal. Out if that you have to factor in 100 grams of protein.
It takes a lot longer than just calorie counting, but it does work.
I’ve found protein and weight training the best way to tone up after my mid 30s

I’m quite anaemic and also housebound due to long covid - so it’s way down a list of stuff that the GP is wholly uninterested in unfortunately!

@CettePersonne
I'm probably going to upset you here - but it gets worse when you get into your 50s/menopause . Slightly taller than you, I was in the 8 stones in my 20s, and around 9 1/2 stone when I became pregnant mid 30s. Like you - I was stuck around 10 1/2 stone early 40s and have spent the next 15 years losing a stone, putting it back and a bit more so I now weigh 11 1/2 stone .

Weight training and increasing protein / reducing carbs is often suggested as a long term measure in helping your body to improve tone, muscle and fitness . Perhaps give this a go? I would urge you to look at what suits you to get on top of this now, as something of a lifestyle change you can continue, as it really does get harder as you get older .

Good for you.

I am small Asian build and aged 53 and am 5 2. On the Asian bmi charts I am overweight at 9 stone 11 and obese at 11 stone 11. And yes I would look it. I am a normal Asian bmi at 7 stone 6 and look very healthy (apart from a disproportionate perimenopausal belly) and eat well.

Everyone carries weight differently and that’s why there is a range. Why can’t you accept there is a difference? Maybe your own insecurities are showing by your bitter posts. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would like to be 10 stone which brings me into the top of the healthy range - but this would give me 1680 cals a day which seems quite a lot? Is the idea that increasing protein as part of this means you have more energy to exercise ?

No wheat
No meat
No dairy
No sugar
No alcohol

For the people who say you need to be sure you are in a calorie deficit, how do you work that out?

When I’ve used online calculators I’ve got a BMR of 1134. If I reduce that by 500 I get a calorie intake that people on internet forums say (often in all caps) is impossible to live on.

It is definitely very unpleasant being this hungry all the time, and I know how you feel OP.

I’m in my late 50s and can’t do much exercise, plus I need wholegrain because of a health condition, so I simply don’t know how to deal with this problem.

Yep, which is why all this nonsense about 'intuitive eating' will work for people who simply dont want a lot of food. Humans are animals and quite often, we like more than is good for us, its as simple as that

Try 100g of oven chips for an eye opener!!!

Yes the statistics can be alarming. Im now one stone overweight and my qrisk is still double what it should be for someone of my age. I dont smoke and dont drink. My cholesterol ratio is 4.6 and should be under 4. The weight and the ratio is putting my risk up

Thats my next focus.

Unfortunately statistics and medical terminology doesnt care about whether people are senstive to the word fat. Adipose tissue, fat, BMI categories. Im in the overweight category which is technically fat (or used to be). Its not a slur or a moral judgement, it just is what it is.

Are you sure you have that right?

To be fair though, you come across more bothered than anyone else is.

Yes risks are higher for different ethnicities for things like diabetes, heart disease etc.

Thats your BMR, to simply keep you alive. Your TDEE then is the level you need for how you live. So mine for example is around 1600, just a bit lower actually. I could increase it by not being sedentary I suppose.....

So knock 500 off that and my daily allowance is around 1100 or so. I eat at around that anyway at the moment

I’m 55 and had success with eating a lot less carbs and focusing on healthy proteins with lots of fruit and veg. I don’t feel hungry when I eat like this. I have breakfast and then two lunch size meals as I’m only five feet one and don’t need a big meal in the evening.

Ahh it’s such a struggle isn’t it. What exercise are you doing? I lift weights and feel and look better after a few weeks of doing this type of exercise as I feel more toned and burning more calories.

im using my fitness pal and sticking to it, and slowly losing weigh. I was 10 stone 10 a few weeks ago, lost 5 pounds in about 5 weeks.

I don’t think there’s any magic solution, my 40s have been awful in this regard

You need to multiply your BMR by a factor depending on how active your lifestyle is. If you’re sedentary multiply by 1.2 so yours is about 1360. That still seems low though, are you short?

Is that ratio right?

My BMR is 1328 and my TDEE is 1598.

I cant work out if that is 1.2

Im 5'5 by the way