I'm fat, and look as though I should be, but I'm not.

[CettePersonne]

I am definitely being unreasonable.

I was always naturally slim. Around 8st at 5'2ish. Not skinny, I always had a pretty generous arse but on a small frame. I've always loved food - not lots of junk, pretty healthy really but just "normally" not obsessively so - just whatever I fancied without thinking.

Two dcs, multiple mcs, and a lockdown discovery of wine and pringles down and I'm very definitely not slim now. I lost the weight slowly after dc1, but after the mcs and then dc2 (now 5) it was a different story...

I've been exercising properly 3-4 times a week this year and have long since knocked the evening junk snacking on the head and reduced the wine. But the weight is stuck hard now. I'm 40. My belly is outrageous and the arms and arse are following suit. I don't often weigh myself because I never got in the habit because I didn't care, but I'm now 10.5ish st. I think that makes me overweight, but more to the point it looks and feels like it does.

I don't care about the numbers on the scales or on my labels, bigger is fine I see lots of lovely toned looking size 14+ women, I really just want to not wibble and to be able to wear jeans without looking like Humpty Dumpty trying on a wig 😩 My jeans are uncomfortable, nothing fits properly.

So, I've decided to deal with this by throwing a massive strop..! <STOMPS foot and Fucking Swears!!> I am not calorie counting but I have consciously stopped snacking and kept an eye on portions and tried to make healthy choices, and I've really upped my activity. Yet I think I'm still getting bigger... It's really not fair 😩 I already ignore the hunger pangs after the gym, do I really have to cut down to restrictive portions just to stop gaining more weight? I see fit looking women older than me, surely it's not just my age? Has my natural advantage just fucking turned itself off now!? Does everyone over 35 and under 10st actually feel starving all the time!? (N.B. I know I'm being ridiculous.)

Feel free to tell me how unreasonable I'm being I obvs I need to hear it..! But solidarity is welcome too! What is this actually gonna take...?

I'm also 5ft 2" and gained a stone during the pandemic. It was incredibly slow progress to lose it. I used a TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure) calculator to give me my calories for each day. It takes into account age, height, weight, and activity level.

To maintain your weight, you're probably looking at about 1,600 calories a day. If you're looking to lose, then you consume fewer calories than that. The rule of thumb seems to be to cut 500 calories from your TDEE but I found that too low - there's less wiggle room when you're 5ft 2". I aimed for between 1,100 - 1,400 a day and it averaged at about 1,300 a day over a week. The 2,000 calories a day that's suggested for women would mean significant weight gain for me.

I also weighed daily and work off the averages to see progress. I resisted this for a while but it ultimately took the emotion out of it and it's just part of my morning routine now. My weight can fluctuate by about 2kg / 4lb during a week for all sorts of reasons. It's the averages over a week / month that I pay attention to.

Strength building excercise and some walking has helped me feel better and look more toned but it's separate to the weight loss.

Peri menopause lurking around the corner likely. It messes everything up. I was size 8 or 10 until early 40s. Got to size 14 at 50 and weight kept creeping up. HRT and regular exercise turned things around for me. Back to size 10 now. Counting calories and macros helps to understand where the extra pounds come from. Learn about high caloric and fake healthy food. I.e. Supermarket granola is full of sugar and very high in calories. Fruit juices,etc . Just knowing what you are eating.

hormones have a lot to answer for as we age. Reading through your thread though I’d increase your protein and start lifting some weights. Not only will increasing muscle give you a more efficient metabolism but it will help your bones as you age too. I’m 36 and definitely starting to feel it’s a little harder to maintain fat loss, especially atm training for a marathon as I’m forgoing strength training and always hungry

You are on the right track, just keep going! Weight watching is really important, not for good-looking, but for your heath, before the fat turning into heart disease, diabetes, high blood sugar, high blood pressure, fatty liver, etc. etc... I'm 50, my size was 8 and then went up to 10 after having children till now. My weight is kind of stable. Just do a lot of walking, eating heathy food. No pasta, potatoes, bread or rice for dinner.

I can really relate to your post OP. I'm also 5 foot 2, aged 41 and have gradually gained a stone over the last year. I'm really struggling to lose it. (I'm still at a healthy BMI but am really not happy with this gain and I definitely need to lose it.)

I eat healthily and track my calories but obviously I need to change something!

Whenever I enter my data into TDEE calculators, it comes up with me needing to eat less than 1000 calories to lose weight.

For those people who have started strength/weight training from being a beginner at this, do you have any top tips about where to start (both in terms of workouts and also diet/protein)? I need to workout at home (not able to get to a gym).

Pringles are the work of the devil.

With the caveat that I’ve only ever had half stone to lose - I don’t count calories but nonetheless try to eat under 1000 a day. I’ve worked it out over time, not on the basis of calorie counting, but from experience of what I need to eat to lose weight. I try to do 30 mins - 1 hour’s walk a day. I’m sure if I did weights etc if would help but I don’t like any of that stuff. I can ditch 4 pounds in a month when I need to. You do just have to get used to being hungry, there isn’t any way round that.

I've not rtft so it may have been mentioned. Muscle sarcopenia happens as we age - due to being sedentary and not using our muscles enough. This means that you'll need fewer calories to maintain your weight/fat levels.

We need weight training as we age. Cardio raises cortisol levels that makes us hold on to fat So that won't work alone.

Also to calculate calories for weight loss multiply your body weight in lbs x10. This is the minimum you should be eating. At the moment, you may be eating too little when you are trying to "eat healthily", which makes you binge more when you're not.
If you want to lose fat without diet culture - look at Rebelfit.

Where do you get that calculation from?

That calucation would have me eating at maintenance calories and no weight loss would ensue.

I can empathise with a lot of what you’ve said OP. The 2 things that have worked for me are weight watchers (I find the points easier than calories and also in the past, calorie counting became an unhealthy obsession for me and led to disordered eating) and a fitness tracker. The latter showed me just how many calories I “use” each day - including those for just staying alive and active calories. I knew I wasn’t very active but it was an eye opener! If I only “spend” 1400 calories a day then I don’t need to eat more than that. Hope this helps you and know that you’re definitely not alone.

I’ve made some swaps now - skimmed milk and zero fat yoghurt instead of full fat, no alcohol, very low calorie drinks, veggies as snacks, etc and am steadily losing weight. The most surprising thing is that my body fat % has gone from about 34 to 17 in 3 months.

Sorry meant to add, I can’t do fasting (I have a health issue that prevents it) and I’m never hungry on WW. If I’m hungry, I eat a healthy snack.

preparing myself for a torrent of abuse

have you heard of Wegovy, the private prescription? If you used it for 2 months you’d get back to your ideal weight then would just have to maintain it rather than trying to lose more.

Yes I have, but I think there are a lot of less drastic options available before resorting to medication. I can't imagine cutting corners like that is the healthiest route (or likely to be a long term fix) unless you are really very overweight and at risk of all sorts anyway, so it's not for me but thank you.

Thanks all this has been a really interesting thread. I feel like there should be a general "newly fat and 40 and wtf" support thread as it sees I'm not alone! 😆

I've been trying to get my head around my fitness pal the last few days, but I've realised you can't really half arse it, you have to commit to doing it properly and weigh stuff otherwise the margin of error is just too big. There are things going on now but I will give it a better attempt after the weekend. It has been informative on a lot of things though, as have lots of posters. Reducing milk is an easy win and I've done that, although that doesn't really fly with the "porridge instead of toast" for breakfast idea.. I'll get my head around it next week...🤞

I am in my 40's too. 5ft 3 and 10 stone 2, so on the verge of being classed as overweight. I do a few walks, about 3-4 hours a week, but no other exercise. I already have only 2 meals, pretty healthy but big volume. Averaging 1300-1500 calories a day , I am barely maintaining. It's so hard.

Why do you want to reduce milk, full of calcium, has good protein in it. Just dont drink gallons of it

Absolutely, that calcium is really important as you get older!

Ok. I kinda thought that since tea with a decent amount of milk is my go-to through the day I was adding calories there that were adding up. So, swapping some to other fruit type teas or water for some and still having 3-4 teas (rather than 6-7+!) and having porridge rather than toast at least some mornings was a good compromise. Sorry, I don't mean to be rubbish at this..! 🤦‍♀️

I don’t understand this big push on tea if I’m honest. It has a splash of milk in it. Do you take sugar with it?

Fruit & Protein yogurt for brekkie??

It’s much harder when you’re older. Have you looked at a macro calculator? Do you track your food. Research has shown as a nation we dramatically underestimate our calorie consumption.

Lock Stock quote?

I am 38, 5’2” and have always been between 8st and 9st excluding during pregnancy. I recently reached 9st 4 and was definitely starting to look chubby. I have been doing 2 days of fasting per week, not very strictly, and I have lost about 10 pounds in less than 2 months. It would have been quicker if I had been stricter with myself. I’m pretty sure I can get back down to 8st by the summer.

I tell you this to show you that it can be done. I do it this way because I couldn’t cope with restrictive eating every single day, this way I can still eat pretty much whatever I want 5 days a week.No other weight loss plan has ever worked for me, but this does. Don’t give up on yourself!

No sugar, decent amount of milk like a wrong-un 😆 More than happy to rescue it and continue my tea guzzling ways, I just thought it was an easy set of calories to reduce and increasing actual water would be a good thing.

i think I'll look at portions and calories next week when I've got more headspace and make a proper assessment.of what matters.

@naemates , a misquote, yes. Established up thread to be a pretty lame title, but it crossed my mind as I wrote the op and here we are. And it IS a good and very quotable film... 😄

I had the double video of it and Snatch back in the day, watched over and over... apparently it stuck with me!

Ah, double videos that takes me back.
"Do NOT knock him out"....