I'm fat, and look as though I should be, but I'm not.

[CettePersonne]

I am definitely being unreasonable.

I was always naturally slim. Around 8st at 5'2ish. Not skinny, I always had a pretty generous arse but on a small frame. I've always loved food - not lots of junk, pretty healthy really but just "normally" not obsessively so - just whatever I fancied without thinking.

Two dcs, multiple mcs, and a lockdown discovery of wine and pringles down and I'm very definitely not slim now. I lost the weight slowly after dc1, but after the mcs and then dc2 (now 5) it was a different story...

I've been exercising properly 3-4 times a week this year and have long since knocked the evening junk snacking on the head and reduced the wine. But the weight is stuck hard now. I'm 40. My belly is outrageous and the arms and arse are following suit. I don't often weigh myself because I never got in the habit because I didn't care, but I'm now 10.5ish st. I think that makes me overweight, but more to the point it looks and feels like it does.

I don't care about the numbers on the scales or on my labels, bigger is fine I see lots of lovely toned looking size 14+ women, I really just want to not wibble and to be able to wear jeans without looking like Humpty Dumpty trying on a wig 😩 My jeans are uncomfortable, nothing fits properly.

So, I've decided to deal with this by throwing a massive strop..! <STOMPS foot and Fucking Swears!!> I am not calorie counting but I have consciously stopped snacking and kept an eye on portions and tried to make healthy choices, and I've really upped my activity. Yet I think I'm still getting bigger... It's really not fair 😩 I already ignore the hunger pangs after the gym, do I really have to cut down to restrictive portions just to stop gaining more weight? I see fit looking women older than me, surely it's not just my age? Has my natural advantage just fucking turned itself off now!? Does everyone over 35 and under 10st actually feel starving all the time!? (N.B. I know I'm being ridiculous.)

Feel free to tell me how unreasonable I'm being I obvs I need to hear it..! But solidarity is welcome too! What is this actually gonna take...?

For me I only lose when I count calories. I’m 5ft 1 and anything over 9 stone I’ve got a belly and boob fat. I’m good at losing, but I’m good at gaining so it’s a constant battle and regular weighing is only way to keep on top of it. I’m 47

I dont think it accounts for it all, Im just saying what it is. It all adds up, thats the problem

You could buy those mini bottles perhaps

Someone did a calculation on another thread, it only takes the calorie equivalent of a couple of biscuits, per day, over your calorie requirements to gain about a stone a year. Do that over a couple of years and there is your couple of of stone.

Its actually harder not to gain weight, than to gain it!!!

I have pcos so I’ve always had to watch what I eat. Wine is awful for weight gain and bloating. Try switching to CBD drinks for a week? They have a similar relaxing effect without the nasty side effects (or calories). Going low carb and high protein also really helped me not feel hungry when cutting back.

When you are relatively short and slim and then pile it on over 35, it is much harder to lose it again than when you were under that age, sorry OP. I'm a similar height and have hit the obese scale at what seems a low weight compared with what many would consider heavy, if you are taller, you have much more leeway.

I would say what you are eating is great for maintenance, but losing it is harder work, you do have to make quite sizeable changes. Once made, and once it's lost, you can then go back to eating more moderately.

That's if you want to lose, some people prefer to choose food freedom and enjoyment and that's a good choice too, it is annoying you have to make the choice though and I also wish I could be 25 and eating without thinking, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

Just a thought, have you spoken to your doctor? Had your thyroid checked?

get a health/body coach. Not a PT. A COACH. They should help with all elements.

read "why we eat too much" by Andrew Jenkinson

It's weird how weight sits on people differently. I'm 5 ft 4 and feel and look nice and slim when I'm 10 st 5. I was that weight two years ago and very happy with it. I don't ever gain weight on my bum or legs. Arms could be better toned but my weight sits around my middle.

I'm trying to lose weight as I'm 11 st 2 at the moment. I've been following Noom for the last month as I crept up to 12 stone after starting HRT 18 months ago and that just looks and feels awful on me. Hoping to get down to 10 st if I can. It's definitely harder to lose it now I'm 54 but I'm gradually losing a pound or two each week now.

Start calorie counting and do it for 1 or 2 weeks. That will be long enough to expose the hidden calories that are doing you dirty!!

I found the "healthy swap" granola bar I was having for bfast was CHOCK full of sugar and massive calories. Got rid of that and moved on to scrambled eggs! Swapping to a more protein and fat rich diet kicked the sugar/carb cravings out after a while which is a win-win.

Keep at it! The best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago but the second best time is now and all that!

10.5st isn't that big at all.

If you feel you look fat, and it all started after having dc2, it's probably a lack of core strength giving you bad posture and a paunch. Possibly diastasis recti (splitting of the abs some mums get after pregnancy).

There are strength exercises you can do to reverse all this. See a physio and/or personal trainer.

Fwiw my ordinary weight is just under 8 st but 10.5 st is my postpartum weight (both times). I lost it without dieting after dc1 and expect I will again with dc2. All I did was core strength training. Focused on abs, glutes, lower back, and pelvic floor exercises.

If you do have a lack of core strength, you'll have a saggy paunch no matter how much dieting you do.

And imo dieting is miserable with minimal gains.

I'd start with the core strength training

But at your weight and height, you are overweight. You could get up a healthy weight really easily as your BMI is likely only 26-27.

Diastasis recti is definitely playing its part @Mumoftwo1312 , although it's improved over the last few years. My core strength was/is gone to shit, through a combination of pregnancy/diastatis recti and a minor skeletal defect - the impact of which is becoming less minor as the years pass. Which is why I need to be a bit careful how I exercise, and why I'm sticking mainly with swimming while I build strength (I'm pretty good at it though, it's a decent workout).

i think I'll try an honest calorie count over the next few weeks, as a pp says,.to see what is really "doing me dirty"!

If you don't want to be stuck in calorie restricting forever, consider strength training - lifting heavy weights. Its a long game - you won't lose weight in the short term, if anything you might gain a bit. However if you build up the amount of muscle you have on your body, the amount of calories you need just to maintain your size increases. Meaning that it's easier to maintain your weight, ie without having to go for depressingly low calorie limits or always counting calories. In the long run you'll gain some muscle and lose body fat, which for most people gives them more of the shape they're wanting. Strength training will also help you feel stronger and have more stamina for running around after kids, plus it helps bone density which is something we naturally lose as we get older.

You're not wrong OP. In the last few years I've had to cut my food down to the bare minimum to maintain a healthy weight. Regardless of filling proteins, extra beans, nuts, lentils and all the healthy things that are meant to 'keep you full for longer', I am always hungry and it's miserable. But it's the only way to keep the weight off.

I thought I'd get used to it eventually but it seems the choice (for me) is hunger or being overweight 🤣

Do you have a fitbit/tracker?
For me the revelation came looking at my calories burnt in a day. I've had to change due to health conditions but I was still eating and drinking my norm as if I was a lot more active and exercising more.

I have to have a low calorie deficit to lose weight but also learnt about fluctuations around my cycle so I don't get demotivated and don't weigh those times.

Wine will be a factor but if you don't want to give it up switch to prosecco it's lower calories per glass and a proper stopper will keep its fizz.

Why not? OP is getting down about trying to make changes to her lifestyle but she isn't seeing the results on the scales. This is another way of tracking progress as weighing yourself isn't always the best way, she could be gaining by doing strength training. Lots of PTs suggest this, and to take measurments rather than focus on the scales.

Yeah, whats the angst about taking pictures and measurements?

(disclaimer, I personally dont think measurements work because I swell up and all my measurements go up and down Ive noticed, very unreliable, but it works for others)

I'm right here with you! I do yoga 5 days a week, walk 20k every day!

I swear I lived on cider and kebabs age 16-26 and weighed 8st. I'm now 40, live on veg and I'm 10st.

Maybe we should all get back on the raves/sniff/cider and see if that helps. ☺️

You could chuck some pilates in for diastasis recti and core strength.

Sorry OP for some reason I thought I had read you was having a glass of wine everyday but see that I am wrong. I'm not saying that's a bad thing for those who do by the way. If that is your treat, build it into your week, you need a calorie deficit , about 500 calories per day or 3500 over the course of a week to lose a lb of fat. Bottle of wine is approx 700 cals

At 5'2" she shall framed, 10 stone could be properly overweight. I'm 5'3" and at 10 stone I'd be chunky and wobbly

I'm not adverse to measurements personally @Sagittarius and others, although I can see why it wouldn't be great for some. Photos though, excuse the pun but I'm not sure I've got the stomach for all that... 😆 I would rather go by how I feel and look - I'd rather be 9+st and strong and fit than 8st and hungry. At my smallest I was maybe 7st6 and that was probably too skinny, people commented in a negative way and sometimes accusatory way even though I was eating a healthy amount as usual, which was actually fairly hurtful. But now, I feel heavy and am obviously carrying too much fat. I'm taking note of all comments and trying to learn thank you all. x

Lemme know how the raves n cider diet goes for you @Witcheroo , the first positive signs and I'll be there with ya 😆

40s it's harder to lose weight. Fast 800 worked but I couldn't keep the weight off. So I joined slimming world (aka diet cult) and working well for me. Don't feel hungry or deprived and weight is coming off at a reasonable pace

I'm 5 foot 3 and 10 stone. I do hit 4 times a week. I don't look fat. I look fit and toned.