I'm fat, and look as though I should be, but I'm not.

[CettePersonne]

I am definitely being unreasonable.

I was always naturally slim. Around 8st at 5'2ish. Not skinny, I always had a pretty generous arse but on a small frame. I've always loved food - not lots of junk, pretty healthy really but just "normally" not obsessively so - just whatever I fancied without thinking.

Two dcs, multiple mcs, and a lockdown discovery of wine and pringles down and I'm very definitely not slim now. I lost the weight slowly after dc1, but after the mcs and then dc2 (now 5) it was a different story...

I've been exercising properly 3-4 times a week this year and have long since knocked the evening junk snacking on the head and reduced the wine. But the weight is stuck hard now. I'm 40. My belly is outrageous and the arms and arse are following suit. I don't often weigh myself because I never got in the habit because I didn't care, but I'm now 10.5ish st. I think that makes me overweight, but more to the point it looks and feels like it does.

I don't care about the numbers on the scales or on my labels, bigger is fine I see lots of lovely toned looking size 14+ women, I really just want to not wibble and to be able to wear jeans without looking like Humpty Dumpty trying on a wig 😩 My jeans are uncomfortable, nothing fits properly.

So, I've decided to deal with this by throwing a massive strop..! <STOMPS foot and Fucking Swears!!> I am not calorie counting but I have consciously stopped snacking and kept an eye on portions and tried to make healthy choices, and I've really upped my activity. Yet I think I'm still getting bigger... It's really not fair 😩 I already ignore the hunger pangs after the gym, do I really have to cut down to restrictive portions just to stop gaining more weight? I see fit looking women older than me, surely it's not just my age? Has my natural advantage just fucking turned itself off now!? Does everyone over 35 and under 10st actually feel starving all the time!? (N.B. I know I'm being ridiculous.)

Feel free to tell me how unreasonable I'm being I obvs I need to hear it..! But solidarity is welcome too! What is this actually gonna take...?

Yeah that’s right.

Im not good at maths

It will get lower no doubt as I age (even more)

And Im still 14lbs overweight so as my weight goes down, it will go down more

Depressing

One thing I would definitely say is don't rely on exercise to help you lose weight. Exercise is great for many reasons but, unless you're doing huge amounts, weight loss isn't really one of them.

The amount of exercise needed to burn just 400 calories is far more than most people think. It's a 6-mile walk for someone 10.5st for example.

So 1 x store bought muffin and you're going to have to spend 2 hours walking to burn that off!

Ah! So I’ve been looking at the wrong number?
I will go and look up TDEE. 👍🏻

Yes, pretty short - I’m 4ft 11”.
On the advice of another PP I’ve calculated my TDEE and it is 1453, so reducing by 500 I’m still below 1000 calories a day to lose weight which is very unpleasant. Like the OP, I didn’t have this problem when I was younger.

You could cut by 250 cals a day to lose half a lb a week and just accept it will be very slow. Only weigh yourself monthly

The problem with slow weight loss is that it demotivates you, so the mental challenge is much harder.

@WingsofRain I agree with the other posters that that is the likely number you need to stay alive assuming you lay in bed all day -TDEE is what you need as that takes into account your activity levels.

However they are only an estimate, and can be hard to get right. My personal preference is to track your calories for a month, without changing anything, and work out your average. Then try a second month aiming a bit lower. If you're older/shorter/sedentary you might find you can't have as big a deficit as the next person but that's ok - eg if your TDEE is 1600 you could drop to 1300 and still lose weight. It's not advisable for anyone to go under 1200 average without medical supervision.

If your TDEE is low and you'd struggle to regularly eat less than that, you could consider some strength training as over time, that will raise your TDEE. I've increased mine from around 1450 to 1800-1900 over the last few years and it's made maintaining a healthy weight a lot easier. It has required me to find exercise I can fit into my life and enjoy to stick to it - it's not a quick fix - but it feels a lot better!

Cross posted, but even at 4'11" please try something less extreme than sub 1000 calories - it's hard to go that low without ending up deprived of something, because you're not able to get enough variety for your nutritional needs

People who have to use very low calories (and even at maintenance the poster would still be eating low calories), may likely need supplements

I dont know what 'medical supervision' people think is in place for people who are on low cal diets or lifestyles even when absolutely necessary.

If you're lucky they might do bloods, but essentially if you dont have any worrying symptoms, no one is going to be falling over themselves to check you over.

@soupfiend I'm not suggesting that people should go super low calorie and get someone to supervise. It's a distinction that some of the often touted diets - such as fast 800 - were designed to be used under medical supervision, eg in preparation for surgery. They're not meant to be used by the average jo to lose weight.

Eating very restrictively and trying to save yourself with supplements is a recipe for disaster.

62kg at 5ft 9.......thoughts n prayers!! Seriously, that is pretty small! 😄

The reality is though, that its not 'super low calories', its the amount a person needs to lose weight sensibly, simply by virtue of their size, age and frame.

Even WLS patients under the NHS arent going to be 'closely supervised' with regard to the low calories, there are supplements that are advised (prescribed if you're very lucky) and these are for life and certainly in the first few months, up to 6 or 12 months there might be some bloods. Some trusts will offer ongoing intervention dietitian and emotionally but some dont.

And the calories going in there are usually around 3-500 in the early weeks, rising to around 800 for some months, building again to around 1000 to 1200 around the year mark, a bit more if you can manage it.

The focus is on supplementation because you cannot get full nutrients on that level of food.

Someone eating 1200 cals for 6 months to get a stone off, as long as they watch their protein and supplements, is likely to be ok if in good health anyway

@soupfiend taking aside the health risks for a moment - losing weight quickly on a very restrictive diet is proven to be ineffective for long term weight loss.

Do you need to own some equipment with Beginners Epic?

In that posters situation, half a pound a week will take her 28 weeks to lose a stone. That is not quick

Even if she managed 1lb a week, that would be 14 weeks, that is also not quick

Not sure where you're getting 'very restrictive' from or quick. The poster that posted about their very low TDEE would have to use that number of cals to lose that weight.

Very restrictive would be those mad cabbage diets or egg diets. You can have a well balanced diet on around 1100 cals but yes there may be a need for supplementation dependent on your physical make up and bloods. We should all be taking vit d all year apparently anyway, let alone other things certainly for women of my age.

I thought that had been de-bunked?

Sorry I forgot to mention too, I think its been proven the opposite, that for people with a lot to lose (not just a stone or so), fast weight loss is very effective at keeping it off.

I need to investigate this strength training business, I dont do enough (any) exercise.

Yep, my ‘advantage’ is not the same since I turned 30 (early 40s now). I found that occasional fasting helps with not gaining weight (it was that or starting to exercise, the choice was easy lol).

Most of it is body weight which is what makes it so great.

I think maybe day 4 or 5 you need a couple of dumbells, but most of it is body weight, and if you dont have dumbells you could just use 2X 2litre bottles of drink or a couple of cans of soup!

You will need a chair most days to do things like dips. It also says to use a mat under knees or spine but I tend to use a towel folded up.

@soupfiend and @Gwenhwyfar interested if you've got any links, if it's changed? I'm aware of there being progress in the US but that's linked to the increase in bariatric surgery, as low calorie or VLCD are commonly a requirement of the surgery (and of course, the fact that someone is going down that route and being monitored by a professional means it's easier to get data)

One of the big difficulties with being say, 1200 or even 1400 is that it just isn't how most people eat - so the barriers to sustaining it increase. Eg portion sizes for eating on the go/eating out don't really work, it is likely to require eating a different meal to family (or skipping meals with IF to leave enough allowance), social events are difficult. Its just not fun to be taking low calorie food in tupperware to social events or always asking for something off menu at a restaurant. I used to have a very low TDEE (skinny, short, 30s) and I maintained it by tracking for a long time and though I managed it, I wouldn't recommend it. I had to plan my food, think about food a lot of the time, couldn't really be spontaneous. I know strength training isn't for everyone and this isn't my main reason for doing it, but being able to eat more/think less about food day to day has been revelatory for me.

I certainly need to look into strength training although its not for weight loss, its because I dont want to get bone loss in menopause, I have never done any exercise, but a good side effect would be weight maintenance of course once Im at my goal.

Im careful about where we go out to eat, I eat starters but really prefer tapas bars or bistros where I can have a bit of this or that and share with OH (he also cant eat much these days but thats his age, gets full up easily now)

Im a massive foodie and enjoy food a lot.

I dont know links to studies, I know Ive read quite a lot of references to fast weight loss being more successful (for obsese people) because its hugely motivating. You see results fast. It may well be linked to stats from WLS as you say, there is proper data there.

Beginners Epic includes 5 videos, 3 initial ones are bodyweight only. She has some other training videos with bodyweights, which are not part of Epic.

For the actual Epic which is 50 videos long you need dumbbells, a mat (or a carpet) and sometimes a chair or a book.

Do you have to get on the floor? I cant get on the floor

Yes.