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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

815 replies

spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:06

Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

OP posts:
Dewdilly · 01/04/2024 08:08

Your title is misleading. I was ready to come on and say you’re an adult, so eat what you are given and don’t be fussy. But being vegetarian is completely different and your in-laws should accommodate you.

awakeatnightmare · 01/04/2024 08:11

Just refuse to go there to eat anymore.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 01/04/2024 08:15

I eat meat so I’m not biased in your favour, but they’re twats. It’s definitely not rude of you to leave food. I’d be expecting dh to remind them before every visit not to serve you meat - be interesting to see if they took any notice.

Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:18

awakeatnightmare · 01/04/2024 08:11

Just refuse to go there to eat anymore.

I wish. But I can't do that!

OP posts:
BMW6 · 01/04/2024 08:19

Next time you're invited tell them you'll bring your own meal, and do it even if they try to persuade you otherwise.

Oneofthesurvivors · 01/04/2024 08:19

spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:18

I wish. But I can't do that!

Show quote history

Of course you can.

Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:19

Dewdilly · 01/04/2024 08:08

Your title is misleading. I was ready to come on and say you’re an adult, so eat what you are given and don’t be fussy. But being vegetarian is completely different and your in-laws should accommodate you.

Why would being an adult mean you have to eat food you don't like?

OP posts:
Crumpleton · 01/04/2024 08:20

It's not rude from your side, you're a vegetarian and unless your inlaws have memory problems they're the one's in the wrong.

I'd take that as they're totally ignoring your wishes, I'd also start taking my own food and tell them that you thought it would be easier due to being vegetarian as they don't seem to understand the basics of what one does and doesnt eat.

Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:20

BMW6 · 01/04/2024 08:19

Next time you're invited tell them you'll bring your own meal, and do it even if they try to persuade you otherwise.

They're incredibly over sensitive people and they'd take it so personally and cause problems.

They really do control us with their moods.

Got another lunch today, let's hope the roast potatoes aren't in goose fat like normal

OP posts:
CloudsUnderwater · 01/04/2024 08:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mylovelygreendress · 01/04/2024 08:21

spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:18

I wish. But I can't do that!

Show quote history

Of course you can ! You are an adult . If they are offended you explain . Again.

maryberryslayers · 01/04/2024 08:21

Why can't you stop going there? Is your husband controlling?

Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:22

Bet your guests can't wait to come back to your house!

I'm just asking that the veg, don't have meat in them. Not hard.

OP posts:
LiterallyOnFire · 01/04/2024 08:22

SIL refuses to recognise my coeliac disease. I just skip trips to see her. Life's too short for nonsense.

CuriousGeorge80 · 01/04/2024 08:22

Have you asked them why? If that was me and I was given that plate I would immediately say “why has whoever plated this up put meat on my plate when you all know I’m a vegetarian?” Or “I think somebody has given me the wrong plate as it has meat on it” and see what they do. Doesn’t need to be angry or aggressive, genuine confusion (as I would be very confused by it all!)

Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:22

maryberryslayers · 01/04/2024 08:21

Why can't you stop going there? Is your husband controlling?

No he's great, but I don't want to cause arguments. I save that for issues around our children!

OP posts:
CloudsUnderwater · 01/04/2024 08:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Hiker50 · 01/04/2024 08:23

I spent 47 hours giving birth to their first grandchild and my in-laws turned up with a meat feast pizza. I’ve been vegetarian since I was 15!

Kalevala · 01/04/2024 08:23

Got another lunch today, let's hope the roast potatoes aren't in goose fat like normal

This can be a difficult one. Processed vegetable oils cause painful gas and bloating for me so I do use goose fat for potatoes. I think it's too hot for olive oil?

sorrynotathome · 01/04/2024 08:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

They are relatives, for goodness sake! I know what my children and their spouses dislike, and I don’t give it to them! Equally they know I’m a vegetarian and they don’t give me meat. It’s basic courtesy.

Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:24

Hiker50 · 01/04/2024 08:23

I spent 47 hours giving birth to their first grandchild and my in-laws turned up with a meat feast pizza. I’ve been vegetarian since I was 15!

Fucking fuming

OP posts:
C1N1C · 01/04/2024 08:24

If you eat there regularly, they shouldn't have to change their diet for you, so maybe suggest cooking your own, or cooking for everyone.

If it's a one-off invitation, they're dicks.

LiterallyOnFire · 01/04/2024 08:24

No he's great, but I don't want to cause arguments. I save that for issues around our children!

You're not the one causing the argument. Your ILs are the provocateurs. Swerving the issue is entirely reasonable.

Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:24

Kalevala · 01/04/2024 08:23

Got another lunch today, let's hope the roast potatoes aren't in goose fat like normal

This can be a difficult one. Processed vegetable oils cause painful gas and bloating for me so I do use goose fat for potatoes. I think it's too hot for olive oil?

Nothing like that. They're just normally bought prepared and happen to have goose fat

OP posts:
toomanyy · 01/04/2024 08:25

spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:18

I wish. But I can't do that!

Show quote history

Why?

These people have zero respect for you. They don’t care about you.

And neither does your husband because he sits there tucking into his food whilst you barely have anything to eat. Do you think that a loving husband behaves like this?

If this were us, DH would tell parents we’re leaving and take me to a restaurant for my favourite food.

Why isn’t your DH doing this?

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