In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

[spotlightq]

Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

I’d just start bringing my own food.

When they are plating up can you just say .. sorry not that it has meat in I'm vegetarian.

And keep saying it? Obviously then there'll be little on your plate but that may make the point.
Or if it's served then just scrape onto DH plate saying sorry I can't eat that due to meat.
I wonder if they are just buying ready prepared meals. That pea and pancetta sounds like a tesco finest side dish in their meal deal! If so maybe they are not reading the labels properly?

@toomanyy
i dont recall what DH said but I think I mentioned I could have had eggs.
but at the next visit they went to lot of trouble to make a vegetarian lasagne

Why don't you host then? And cook what you want.

Yes exactly. If someone can’t cater for a veggie the answer isn’t to just serve them meat it’s to give you advanced warning. I have an elderly relative who claims they can’t cook for me as they “don’t understand what I can eat”. If there is a family meal that id like to come to involving their cooking I bring my own to heat up alongside the meal that everyone else is eating. They are a pretty terrible cook anyway so I’m kind of glad for the excuse.

Haver you ever tried hemp oil or avocado oil? Both have a high smoke point (unlike olive oil) so perfect for roasting but (especially cold pressed), kinder on tummies.

This

Why are you worried about causing a scene when they are being incredibly Pig ignorant and your DH is completely (and ridiculously) oblivious to it?

They're not sensitive. They are controlling and I think they are well aware of what they're doing.

Your DH isn't going to stand up for you, so you'll have to.

Of course they should. Our family includes one vegan, one vegetarian and someone who’s gluten intolerant. I’d be an absolute arsehole if I didn’t accommodate them.

There’s absolutely no need to add pancetta to peas or use animal fat to make roast potatoes.

Glad they realised.

OP, if your DH doesn’t care enough to speak up for you then you speak up.

How has this gone on for so long?

You're vegetarian. It's a dietary requirement and not one that is difficult to cater for.It's not like you're a fussy eater with a long list of pantry staples and basic fruit/vegetables that you don't like.

You need to remind them clearly you're a vegetarian and your DH needs to back you.

They aren't bothered about upsetting you why are you worried about them being sensitive.

Give them one more meal where you actually say at the time that you are vegetarian and cannot eat what they have given you so from next w on you'll bring your own food. Then, bring your own food.

People who are decided to be nasty to you aren't sensitive they are just angry you called out their bad behaviour.

I thought it was too hot, I use it on roast vegetables but if it gets too hot it smokes and sets off the smoke alarms. Potatoes I get the fat very hot first.

Do they know you're a vegetarian? Have you told them clearly? If so, they are just being complete dicks. Give them one more chance. The day before, message them to saying "remember , I'm a vegetarian."Say clearly in the hearing of other people when you arrive at their house. "Remember I'm vegetarian" then, if that doesn't work, take a packed lunch the next time, and eat it at the table.

Yes - same. I have said upthread I am
wheat intolerant. If I’m concerned I’ll take some bread or something so I can have something to eat. Over the last 20 odd years there have been numerous times I’ve let people know and I’ve had nothing to eat once I’ve arrived. “You can eat the ham, just not the bread” sort of thing. It’s so rude!

I wouldn’t go somewhere twice that expected me to just go hungry and watch everyone else, or worse, expected me to make myself ill!

Olive oil is one of the most thermally stable liquid oils. Even though the smoke point for EVOO is lower than other oils, it’s doesn’t degrade until harmful compounds until a higher temperature than most other vegetable oils. I wouldn’t use EVOO for roast potatoes because of expense and the strong flavour which I wouldn’t want with a roast meal, but light olive oil works well.

I want to know how this has gone on for 7 years? Do they even know you are vegetarian, only you sound quite passive so I wondered if maybe you had mentioned it just once or twice then given up? It's a bit hard to bring up now if that's the case, but I think you are going to have too. I like the idea of bringing your own food but I think you will also need to prep your DH to back you as they will very likely comment and it sounds as though you will be easily bullied into "not being silly" or whatever they say to defend themselves.

If you’re determined not to rock the boat yourself, get your DH to ask them well before lunchtime, what they’ll be serving you, specifically. He has to remind them you’re veggie, and ask if any of the side dishes have meat in them. If they then serve you any meat, they can’t claim to have forgotten or not considered the peas have pancetta as well, and it’s just absolutely rudeness on their part.

But you also need to stand up for yourself and if they can’t guarantee no meat after you’ve reminded them, go out this morning and buy a ready meal and microwave it.

I still don't understand why you frequently visit them when they don't provide food you can eat.
If it had been pointed out to them and they still did it I simply wouldn't go. They're being absolutely bizarre.

So when they serve you peas with pancetta or roast potatoes cooked in goose fat, what do you say to them?

I've had street food burgers cooked in avocado oil and been fine. I don't keep it in though as goose fat works for me. I could buy it if there was a vegetarian coming I guess, I already have coconut oil in the cupboard though.

British cold pressed rapeseed oil is by far the best oil for roast potatoes, much better than any animal fat, IMO.

You can cook roasts in virtually any oil. Ridiculous to suggest this is a huge hurdle.

Olive oil is very thermally stable, to fine for making roast potatoes. If it weren’t serving for a vegan, ghee or clarified butter would be my top choice of fat for roast potatoes and the fat I use. Also, I’ve never had pre prepared roast potatoes that even hold a candle to homemade.

I do know what it's like. People ignore my intolerances all the time, if there's a vegetarian then they will use vegetable oil for them and not tell me.