In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

[spotlightq]

Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

Define regular? Maybe every 8 weeks.

I just want veg to be veg, not containing meat. Not hard

Why doesn’t your husband ask ‘mum/dad, you know she’s a vegetarian, don’t you, why have you served her meat again?’

After 7 years I don’t understand how this conversation doesn’t come up every single time. What do you say when they serve you meat? Do you remind them you’re vegetarian or do you just leave the meat on your plate?

If they’ve been reminded lots of times, then when you go there, either remind them again the day before, or while they’re cooking (or both), get DH to ask what they’ll be serving you.

You or your husband need to ring them before you arrive and say ‘you do remember x is vegetarian? Oh is that an issue? Ok we will pop over after lunch’

I think ultimately they’d prefer to eat what they like/enjoy, over being hospitable to you.

So it’s up to you what you do with that.

If this were us, DH would tell parents we’re leaving and take me to a restaurant for my favourite food.

Ridiculous. Plus we had two children asleep upstairs.

No, not ridiculous.

I think leaving during a meal is over the top.

I will mention to my husband again today.

He's pretty much oblivious to everything (a separate issue)

I can relate to this - I have a wheat intolerance, it’s pretty bad, I’ve been like this for over 20 years, 10 years with DH.

EVERY time I visit my in-laws PIL rattles the biscuit tin under my nose, I say no, I don’t bother reminding him (DH reminds him) and he says “What are you, vegetarian?” “No, I can’t eat wheat” “of course, of course, silly me”

Do FO.

Being vegetarian is a lifestyle choice and sometimes religious and cultural it isn't fussy eating. There is things I don't like the taste of should I just eat it because of some weird "politeness rule"?

Prepared vegetarian ones would likely be in an oil that would affect me. I guess if cooking for a vegetarian I would use coconut oil but there would not be a prepared option we could both eat. Appreciate this may not be their situation but conflicting dietary needs can be an issue.

Ffs
If they are "sensitive" that is not your problem. You are choosing to be a doormat.

If you are a vegetarian and choose to visit someone who you know full-well won't cater for your needs then either eat beforehand or take a packed meal from home. It's not hard to say "I'm vegetarian - I can't eat this but don't worry I will feel myself". If they know you are vegetarian and serve you meat they are horrible people and as an adult you do not have to put up with this. An adult controlling any other person like this is abusive but you have the power to not put yourself in that situation. If your DH isn't on your side and standing up for you then he is an abusive arsehole too.

Well they aren't going to change and you have been pretty dismissive of others suggestions, so nothing is likely to change.

No dietary needs. Just convenience

Are they freezer food people? Dd has had this issue as her dps parents don't cook anything from scratch and pick up "deluxe" freezer food for special occasions which inevitably seem to contain errant meat products eg the deluxe frozen roasties and basted in goose fat. I saw peas with pancetta and mint in the supermarket last week in the "special Easter food" section and so on.

My dc have been veggie for a while but just occasionally I mess up buying ready made (usually a dessert with gelatine), though I do generally cook from scratch if they are visiting

Why? You've said it yourself in a previous post. It's a control thing. How will you react? Will you say something which will given them cause to get upset so you have to apologise, or will you not eat it but leave some so they can get upset and you have to apologise.

You're absolutely right, it's not that hard to just serve plain veg.

Your DH needs to step up and tell them it's not on. And don't go for meals. There will be a period of awkwardness, but you can break this cycle. They are being rude and controlling.

My vegetarian DH wouldn't eat any food on a plate that had meat on it.

If they are doing that it means you really can't trust anything they serve you. They won't be using different utensils or chopping boards.

why would they put pancetta with peas?

Op I don't know why you just don't tell them you are being silly.

Even though I eat meat,
I think they are being inhospitable towards you.

It's easy to put some cooked peas to the side and then toss the rest in meat. OP is saying the in-laws can't even do that for her.

i would take my own,
a pie or something, ask if you can pop it in the oven to cook

Being a vegetarian is a lifestyle choice. But it’s pretty disrespectful to keep insisting someone go again their beliefs and not accommodate them. If you can’t accommodate them make them aware before they arrive.

They are being rediculous. If I am catering for one vegetarian I just cook a vegetarian meal for everyone. It’s not difficult. Also my little grandson is allergic to eggs. He is two. I would not dream of either giving him eggs, or including them in food

i think I would eat before I left then tell them you have eaten already.