In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

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Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

Ready prepared M&S type thing

@CloudsUnderwater

Being vegetarian is being fussy

This one is bound to be in the top 5 ignorant comments of the thread. ✅😳

i recall my dh family making breakfast for everyone except me,
because they all had bacon and eggs and i was a vegetarian.
but i could have had eggs!
speak up and get your DH to speak up also

vegetarian here and this would cause me so much anxiety. I can forgive someone forgetting or making a mistake but regularly being served meat would upset me. It’s really disrespectful. It almost feels like a power play here?

I wouldn’t feel able to quiz them on whether the potatoes were covered in animal fat because that feels rude but I also wouldn’t want to eat it without being sure. I would expect my partner to speak to his parents before we got there and sort it and if they kept serving me meat I would eat beforehand and not to be hungry/ have a slice of bread and butter. Which is shit . But my appetite would genuinely disappear if someone put meat on my plate.

Are they doing it on purpose or are just being selfish/thoughtless? They’re buying what THEY want and not even considering you. Or maybe they’re just a bit thick and don’t get it!

I’ve been vegetarian for many years and this has only happened to me once. Someone once gave me chicken sandwiches and said “oh I didn’t think chicken counted as meat”. Ffs. Some people are just a bit dense.

They’re being difficult. My cousin joins us for a roast fairly often and she’s veggie. I just siphon off some potatoes before they go in the goose fat for roasting and make mash, and if we’re adding bacon/pancetta to any greens I put a portion aside for her before adding. Shove a couple of veggie sausages under the grill or a nut roast, and buy some preprepared veggie gravy that I can microwave rather than serving her the one with the meat juices. It takes seconds.

My vegetarianism came naturally when I was around 6/7 (so 30 years ago) when eating meat completely repulsed me. I was then forced to eat meat by my idiot stepfather. My mother and father are carnivores so I wasn't understood by them either, not supported.

So, as an adult, I refuse to eat meat completely. No one should have to eat something they really find revolting.

@Kalevala light or blended olive oil is completely fine for roast potatoes. It’s what I always use, and the family say mine are good ones! Extra virgin wouldn’t work, though, so I suppose it depends whether light would be ok for you.

sorry to sidetrack, OP!

Cook food is very good for dietary needs. She could steer them that way with a gift voucher?

Your husband is not great if he can’t accept that his family are wrong not to accommodate a simple thing like vegetarianism and if he still expects you to go along and starve to keep the peace for his parents at your expense.

This is your issue. Your DH should have sorted this years ago. Why are you so passive?

Our DIL is a pescatarian. I wouldn’t dream of not catering for her.

Probs ignorant and they probably don't give it much thought

I'd take a plated meal or a ready meal to microwave

Fine. Absolutely right.

But if you're going to deem standing your ground "ridiculous", you're not leaving yourself any options.

So which is it?

When I first met my MIL 10 years ago she had never cooked for a vegetarian! I had a few months of cheese, pittas, nice dips salads etc (absolutely lovely, no complaints) and within months she was making proper vegetarian lasagne for me amongst other delicious things. Because she loves me and I love her and she wants to make me feel welcome.

Yes it is out of order and I wouldn't be going there to eat again

I always roast in olive oil and never had any problems

Yeah this. Say oh! But I'm vegetarian so why would you put meat on my plate?

I have been in this situation.

When you are invited for a meal, turn up with flowers, wine and a salad for the table, possibly pudding as well.

They can't accuse you of being rude as it is polite to bring wine and flowers. You can then eat the salad. And the pudding.

If it is more than a meal keep a stash of food in the car or in your room.

Been there done that got the t shirt.

Ime people like this respond very badly to being challenged.

It's far too hot for olive oil.

i think you should simply take your own food,
tell them you are bringing a ready made vegetarian meal to make it easier for them

Op next time could you take your own food and then very sweetly and innocently say that you want to keep it easy for them and not compromise everyone else's food and minimise food waste as you find you can't eat most of what they serve?

Eating dead animals is as much a lifestyle choice as not eating dead animals.

Your in laws are spectacularly rude, as hosts they are putting you in a very awkward position and knowingly, deliberate ignoring I think.

Can you take your own food, bring it out with a breezy 'didn't want to put you to any trouble knowing you find it hard to create dishes without meat in, so I've brought a veggy option.

They sound ghastly and impossible, but ultimately if all the possible push backs that get suggested are rejected cos you don't want to rock the boat (I'm sure with good reason) then you're stuck with it.

What did your DH say to them?