DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

And yes, I really do see how it was mainly my fault. I was sitting next to him but it all happened really quickly.

How did the friend react after having hurt the hamster? That would be the decider for me.

If your son doesn't want to be friends with him anymore, that's up to him.

So tragic about poor hamster :(

That's horrifying. Have you told the boy's parents what he did? I would never have that child around mine ever again.

How sad. Depends on the friends response imo. If they're sincerely apologetic for the accident and distraught themselves, suggests its a friendship worth salvaging, even if it takes time (which it will). If they don't care, then sod them the freak, and cut them off. As for hour son, just give him time and comfort him. How sad :(

He was angry the hamster had nipped him and not concerned about the hamster tbh. But they are 11.

It’s not your fault at all, your poor ds ( and hamster ). Just time, really. He’s entitled to be very upset and I hope his friend is sorry ( what on earth did his mum say? ) because that would be an indicator if the friendship should continue.

The kid’s reaction is most telling here, but I’d be inclined to agree with your son. He is right to be distraught- it would take a bigger person than me to forgive someone for killing a pet

A tw might be apt.

Fucking hell, this kid is eleven?? I misread and thought he was six years old.

This is very, very alarming.

At the age of 10/11 they should know actions have consequences and being violent to siblings or animals is not acceptable. His friend may have been shocked but his behaviour isn’t the typical reaction to being nipped.

I would support your child’s decision and look to take him to a variety of clubs/activities to help build friendships. I wouldn’t encourage him to lower his boundaries if he is disgusted at his friends actions. In secondary school you will want him to have firm boundaries and say ‘no that’s not acceptable’. In September he will
meet new children so I’d spend time working on new friends outside school.

Yes, the Mum was there too. She offered to replace the hamster, but of course to DS she wasn’t ‘a hamster’ but ‘Fluffy’ *not real name!

In the case he is showing no concern or upset I’d view the child as a sociopath in the making and not want them anywhere near my family.

Personally I don’t think this is a normal reaction for an 11yo child.

i wouldn’t want this child at my house again

I wouldn't have this boy anywhere near my child.

The trigger warning is surely the title!

Not normal at all.

You want a trigger warning when the title is already about a hamster being killed?

how about dont click on the thread

Oh I'm so sorry. I think this friendship is over having read your update. Presumably your son will go to secondary school soon so I wouldn't worry too much about him lacking friends as he will make new ones.

Don't blame yourself, I don't think anyone would expect a child of that age to act like that. I've certainly let younger children hold ours.

I don't think it really sounds like an accident. Impulsive, what they call a crime of passion, but not an actual accident.

I'd distance your family from that child. Alarming behaviour but especially at such an age (I'd almost understand if he was, say, 2yo).

Btw op, this is not your fault so stop saying it is. Of course you'd expect to be able to trust an 11yo with a hamster.

11?

I would have flung him across the room.

Poor hamster.

That's disgraceful. Support your son and never ever allow that boy back into your home.

Just read your update. I wouldn’t want him anywhere near my child or house. Hurting siblings and animals is not normal aged 11. The lack of remorse is worrying.

How did his parent react when he threw the animal?

Absolutely.
Its good that he’s young and can already set boundaries.

I also assumed the children were 6 and thought 'accidents happen' but 11 with no remorse is different. Back your son up if he wants to make that decision.

🤣 "crime of passion"