DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

If I was your son, I would never want to speak to the other kid again either. It’s a very reasonable position for your son to take.

Also, throwing a hamster across the room is NOT a remotely normal response from a 10/11-year-old child to getting nipped. Five-year-old kids get nipped by pets and do not react like that. I’m amazed you’d want this kid anywhere near your son after that.

The kid sounds like a sociopath.

If he had been distraught by what he did I would have encouraged the friendship and tried to mediate.

The kid doesn't give a shit and so wouldn't be near my kid again.

That's disturbing as fuck.

Why is this an AIBU? What is your AIBU question?

Why did you tell your son it was an accident? It wasn’t! The boy deliberately threw an animal. He isn’t sorry, just annoyed that it bit him. I’d be furious- 11 is old enough to know better and to show remorse. Your poor son, he’s not only had to see his pet killed in front of him by a “friend” who isn’t sorry, but now his mum is pretending it was an accident. Stand up for your son, allow him to choose not to be friends with a boy who could do this.

Your son is showing better judgment than you here to be fair. He knows it’s about quality of friends, not quantity- and this child sounds like a little thug

You’ve just made me sob. I feel so unbelievably guilty that I let her get hurt. She was only 4 months old and so lovely. I keep replaying it and kicking myself.

Completely disproportionate reaction for an 11 year old. I'd be really upset also and wouldn't want my son hanging around with somebody who thought it acceptable to fling animals across a room. Sounds like a right little psychopath.

Your poor son and poor hamster.

I'd let your son decide what to do with this friendship and not interfere.
Kid sounds like a little thug and doesn't seem to have much compassion, so I wouldn't really be happy with him around my son tbh

I wouldn't let him in the house again.

I get that., but the content is also really descriptive. I'm nor sure why on earth you've posted this online.

What else did the mum say? Offering to replace it is one thing, but how did she and her son act afterwards?

I don't blame your DS for wanting to end the friendship. It's not normal behaviour.

It really isn’t your fault. Aged 3 - 5 yes you would need to be careful. But this boy may be walking to secondary school or getting a bus in September. He is incapable of holding a hamster. That is not your fault.

Oh flip, I read your original post as age 6! An 11 year old is old enough to know better than this, what a vile thing to do!

No remorse - I’d cut this kid out quick, he’s not going to care if he hurts your son or lands your son in trouble.

The flinging might possibly have been reflex. But the total lack of remorse is chilling. I think your DS is right to want nothing further to do with him.

I can understand standing up abruptly or moving so the hamster got dropped but flinging it is an aggressive act. I think you said he has also shown sibling aggression? I'd support your son in ending the friendship, he will remember this for the rest of his life. I'm curious mum of other boy wasn't more upset.

Because she’s distressed by it all?

Yeah, I'm agreeing with this.

Because I don’t think he meant to kill her, but he did overreact. But then I’m second guessing myself that maybe that is how people react to being nipped if they’ve never had a pet? I don’t know. I just feel so awful that she’s dead and that DS is upset and I don’t think it would be good for him to believe his friend meant to hurt her.

Then talk to somebody. Not posting the details on line for everybody to read.

Unfollowing I think this is in terrible taste.

Poor hamster.

The fact that the killer didn’t even cry or say sorry but was actually angry at the victim is alarming! I know your kid doesn’t have many friends but my god he doesn’t need that psycho in his life!

It sounds like the child threw the hamster as much out of anger as shock. Trust your own child's instinct and support him in not keeping this up friendship. Never have this child around again.

Help your DS instead find other interests, Scouts, sports etc where he can make better friendships. Poor boy. Neither he or his pet deserved this.

Op is speaking to people, that's what MN is for 🤔

My little hamster bit me once and he also bit the vet . . . . it's surprisingly painful.

But to actually throw an animal across the room rather than just drop it into your lap (which is what both I and the vet did) is very concerning

I'm so sorry, OP and even more sorry for your son, poor boy

Poor hamster, I hope it wasn't in too much pain. The fact he is 11 and is showing no remorse would decide that he'd no longer be welcome into my home.

It's a legal phrase. Used in defence in homicide cases. Not a joke