DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

She and her horrible son should have apologised profusely and sincerely!!!

I don't care what you say, both of them have behaved disgustingly and callously!

Charming, caring children you have there. Don't get any more pets.

Firstly, tell the parents and the child’s reaction and ask for money towards a replacement hamster. The fact they are 10/11 is very very concerning. My 5 year old wouldn’t even react or act like that! Your son is right, cut him out and don’t make any further contact. That child needs help!

@KnitnNatterAuntie

”After he died it took me ages to stop pushing little titbits to one side of the chopping board when I was preparing vegetables . . .I loved feeding him veggies as he enjoyed them so much, broccoli being his favourite”

🥹
I really don’t understand the hierarchy. Every little life is as valuable.

Treating a living creature like that is unforgivable. Violence towards innocent animals is a huge red flag and I wouldn’t want my son to have anything to do with him. It wasn’t an accident and he wasn’t remorseful. For anyone saying it’s only a hamster… would you feel different if it was a kitten that he killed because it scratched him or a puppy that nipped him? He’s 11 and quite old enough to know how animals should be treated.

It.Was.A.Little.Boy's.Loved.Pet.

I wouldn't want to be getting through my day with someone who possesses the empathy of a stone.

Nasty little brute from a very questionable mother.
Red flag for what he did and also for using language like “fucker” at his age, in front of you, his mother and friend - drop them from your circle.

Personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable with my DC having a friend who:

• is aggressive with siblings
• drops the F-bomb in front of their parent (did DM react?)
• throws an animal
• DM thinks DC’s pet is ‘replaceable’

Awful aren’t they

Bellsandthistle · Today 14:05

It’s. A. Hamster.
I don’t know how some of you manage to get through each day.”

Do you align with a religion?

Doesn’t matter about his age, not a nice lad

It always shocks me, naively, when I read about kids who are cruel to animals. Then an adult on here will remind me who’s bringing up children like this…

I’d personally mention it to the school just so they’re aware of this behaviour - they may have more information about his needs and this sort of thing can help with a bigger picture. Just a quick ‘FYI - I wanted to let you know about this concerning behaviour but don’t expect you to do anything’ kind of email.
its absolutely not normal to not have any remorse and to throw it across the room is also not normal - drop it, shake it off - sure. Throw it? Absolutely not.

Well this thread has been enlightening! Clearly animal haters are sadly all too common out there.

This boy didn't lick it off the wall.

@HamsterAccident please pay no heed to the nasties. There are far more decent minded people here than the other kind. This thread is nearly full - would you consider a second one, to update posters on whether this disgusting pair ever bother their toots to even apologise?

I voted you are unreasonable for even considering this child as a future friend for your son. At 11 he should know the consequences of throwing a very small animal. I had a friend whose son did similar things (though not to us )and my DS decided he wanted nothing to do with him long before they were 11. DS was absolutely right because the boy was later diagnosed with a personality disorder and did some awful things.

The title of this post was surely warning enough?

Not your fault in any way, but definitely not an accident. It was deliberate and cruel with no empathy with your son or the hamster. He's not the kind of boy to be around your child. Your son wants to end the friendship, tell him that he has your support. He will meet lots of new children at secondary school and make new friends.

If the boy didn't apologise, seem sorry or upset that something he did caused your child distress then I'd let the friendship drop.

This sounds like you are making excuses for him. As probably was the mum present. If she doesn’t see this for what it is, I would welcome neither any again. The fact you want to protect the perp ‘because your son only has a few friends’ is telling - what kind of message is this sending to your son? I remember being bitten by a rotty when I was nine years old - though I hated the dog and it’s feckless, unconcerned owner (mum of a school friend), at no point would I have wanted the animal dead.

For a hamster?

Not sure what your AIBU question is? However I think your DS's reaction is the right one. The fact that the other child has shown zero remorse is really worrying to me. I wouldn't want my son anywhere near that child, especially as they head into adolescence. Dropping the hamster would be understandable. Throwing the hamster with enough force to kill it is intended violence. Steer well clear.

As this thread is almost full I wanted to say thank you for all the supportive posts and even for the constructive criticism!

Fluffy has been buried and DS and I have talked through what happened. He’s clear he wants time apart from this boy at the moment and I’m totally supportive of that.

I will encourage DS to forgive, because I think that’s the best thing for him, but that doesn’t mean he has to be friends again, just that he shouldn’t hold on to anger.

We will miss her, she really was lovely and those of you who think a hamster is disposable, well that’s a real shame for you as you’re life will be poorer for having that attitude.

We will miss her, she really was lovely and those of you who think a hamster is disposable, well that’s a real shame for you as you’re life will be poorer for having that attitude.

Absolutely, this.

Well said @HamsterAccident

Given the other child's lack of remorse, and the fact that by the age of 11 they should know the difference between right and wrong, support your son's decision to cut this other child out of his life.