DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

@Bellsandthistle - there’s a difference between losing a pet at the end of its natural lifespan and having it killed in front of you in this horrific way but I don’t expect you to understand as you clearly have no shred of empathy!

Report this incident and the lack of concern, remorse, or sorrow at the hamsters death ASAP to the school. Emphasise the lack of feeling, and that you're not concerned about the hamsters death per se (though that is really sad) but the lack of any emotional response on the part of the boy.

Honour your child's wish to drop this friend. He needs to steer well clear of him.

There is something seriously amiss with the boy. It's very troubling. This is a sign of psychopathy.

Q. Did the friend ever apologise? Not the mother, but the boy.

That would be the kicker for me. If not, then that's not cool and I'd probably drop the friend.

he. didn't. deliberately. kill. the. hamster.

What the blood and stomach pills has the school got to do with any of this!!

Boy not distressed at death of random rodent that bit him! What do all you people calling him a psychopath do if you get mice in the house?

Oh my goodness, this thread is bonkers. The hamster was not vicious , just doing what hamsters do and the child is not a sociopath or psychopath. He just reacted when he was hurt and wasn't prepared for this possibility. At 11 years I'd expect children to manage handling a hamster but am not surprised to hear it all went wrong. Your son can decide how they feel about what happened. If the friendship continues I'd just be wary that the other boy is a little immature and could be impulsive.

he. threw. a. hamster. brightspark.

Have you considered further follow up with the other mum? I'd maybe say something like "DS is still incredibly upset about X killing his much loved pet, and he needs to take some time to consider if he feels he can still be friends. I hope you understand that this has really shocked him"

Has the boy or his mother got back to you OP and expressed any remorse yet?

So? if a baby hit your finger you’d still feel guilt for dropping it.

Even if it wasn’t deliberate it would still be normal for the boy to have felt guilty afterwards or expressed remorse about hurting the hamster accidentally. It is not so much the fact he killed the hamster that is the issue but the lack of remorse afterwards.

Having said that flinging a hamster is not a normal reaction to being nipped.

I would hardly describe a hamster nipping someone as a ‘vicious little fucker’. For all we know the hamster nipped him because he was squeezing too hard.

HamsterAccident · Today 13:24
No, I didn’t expect the DM to offer to erect a statue, obviously 🙄 But I can admit to being hurt by the immediate “can we buy another one” like her DS had spilt my can of coke.
**
I can also see that some people see a hamster as a rodent and not worthy of the love and respect other animals are afforded. But to us she was important and she died in pain which be is something that will stay with DS.”

You are lovely people and I completely understand and empathise about the “just a rodent” dismissal.

We have family cats, always have, but our eldest’s first “own” pet was a Syrian. A delightful little being. He (we think!) sat on her shoulder as she watched Tv, absolutely responded to her, came when called by name and used to come on holidays with us. She would have refused otherwise! She cared for him beautifully and he lived for nearly 6 years. It became apparent that he was unwell one evening and deteriorated rapidly. He died in her hand, next to her cheek, some 2 or 3 hours later.

Our daughter was heartbroken. Several month later she won a prize in a school poetry completion after penning a tribute to her first love. People were gobsmacked. She was 12 and they assumed it was a person!

She is nearly 30 now and still sometimes speaks about him 😊

Completely get it. Kind thoughts to you and your boy.

I got bitten by every hamster we owned as a kid and never dropped, threw or killed any one of them in response. We also gave each one a funeral in the garden when they died (of natural causes), didn't just say 'oh that's sad' and carry on with our day! I think hurling animals across the room or not caring when pets die are examples of slightly worrying behaviour in children.

I totally get it too @MrsSkylerWhite. Our little Syrian was quite a character. She would follow us all around in her ball but particularly my DS. She responded to our voices and her name. She was a lovely, gentle little creature and probably more emotionally developed than some on this thread posting disgusting comments.

Mum probably hasn't said sorry as does t want her child blamed

BasketsandBunnies

That’s lively.

our daughters little fellow was remarkable, too.
He was buried in the garden with his ball and we all managed to laugh. Because, one evening he somehow managed to get out of the bedroom unobserved. Entirely the fault, of the adults: the catch had been dodgy for a while but at home with the kids and dad working away we just hadn’t got round to it.
He rolled along the landing then bounced down the wooden stairs. I heard the noise from the kitchen, came out and saw his by now split open ball in two parts. He sat on the floor staring straight into the eyes of our confused looking Maine Coone boy. As I appeared, our flummoxed MC looked at him, looked at me, looked back at him whose nose was most definitely pointed upwards in a challenging way, then turned on his heels and ran away 🤣

Lovely, not lively. Autocorrect 🙄

@MrsSkylerWhite

@BasketsandBunnies

I love both your stories and it's brought back lovely memories of my little Syrian fella . . . . I'd forgotten how much he loved his roller ball. His persistence with getting the ball from laminate flooring onto a thin rug was hilarious!

After he died it took me ages to stop pushing little titbits to one side of the chopping board when I was preparing vegetables . . .I loved feeding him veggies as he enjoyed them so much, broccoli being his favourite.

Glad you (& your DC) have such lovely memories 😀

It's well documented that psychopaths very often start off by harming animals.

I couldn't look at the horrible boy again knowing what he did.

I don't understand either why the mother didn't chastise him on the spot for his behaviour either!

Kid is a sociopath. V v worrying. Ban him from your home op please.

Did he fling his hand in pain when she went flying or did he, once bitten, literally throw the hamster across the room?

I’d honestly wonder if this was done on purpose considering he wasn’t sorry at all.

I’d let your son decide his friendship on this one. I understand it’s hard when they don’t have many friends but maybe this is one friend he really doesn’t need.

This unfortunate incident could be a sign of things to come with this kid.

he. threw. it. and. it died. He. showed. no. remorse.