DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

Yuk. That kid’s no good.

I think it's a normal evolutiona reflex to being bit by an animal, ie to get it off you ASAP.
You and your ds are bu

Yeah same. My DS is same age and his friends and he are very into rough and tumble etc, but I can't conceive of them hurting an animal. I'm so sorry, your poor DS.

I wouldn't let that child back in the house again. That's not normal behaviour.

How did the mum actually react?

What she did/said when he threw the hamster and how the boy reacted when the hamster died would be the most important points to me.

My dd would be devastated if she'd killed a pet hamster even if it was a complete accident. She's 12 but certainly wouldn't have shrugged it off since she was a little tot. I wouldn't want him around ds not because of his lack of caring after the event

We used to have a hamster and she would occasionally bite - and it hurt! Hence DD's friends were never allowed to handle her. In fact, I'd make sure that our cat and dog were out of the way because you can never predict how children not used to animals could handle them.

It was an awful accident, and there's nothing you can do apart from learn a sad lesson from it. It's a bit forward to label an 11 year old a serial killer in the making, he may just be fronting his embarrassment and upset out.

I don't think he did react normally for an 11yo to be honest. Less the knee jerk shock reaction but the lack of regret afterwards was pretty chilling. I'd be mortified if I were the mum

She was sympathetic but they’d gone when she actually died. I told her via text that she’d died and she replied “oh no! Can we buy DS a new one?”.

Keep your child away from that child.
That reaction is genuinely terrifying.
I dread to think what other stuff he has done.

I agree that the normal reaction is to get the animal off you, but flinging it across the room is an overreaction. He could have just dropped it,or shaken it off. (Although that might have had the same outcome).

Your poor DS and the poor hamster. You seem to keep to want to downplay the actions of the boy in question - right now your DS has made his decision so just support him rather than downplaying what happened.

I think his reaction is pretty unusual for an 11yo, not necessarily the fling out of shock, but the lack of remorse.

I think it's fine for your DS to choose to end the friendship over this, and I would leave it up to your DS if he ever wanted to invite this friend to anything again. It sounds like you're friendly with the mum as well, but I'd meet up without children for now if you want to see her.

In September, he'll be off at Secondary school and very much arranging his own social life anyway!

The fact that the mother is talking about 'another one' is so telling too.
Keep away from the pair of them.

Little shit.

Why? She offered to replace it.

I think that’s quite an odd reaction too, I’d be mortified. I wonder how much more of his behaviour is minimised and normalised at home. Either way I’d really just respect your son’s boundaries on this.

If you’re worried about friendship groups then try and find some out of school activities for him.

YABU to be so blasé about the poor hamster and your son's upset and anger over what has happened to his pet.

Some people really need to learn and show a bit more respect for animals!

This

That kid would be banned from my house

Became her focus should be on her child's dreadful behaviour.

Exactly.

What was she supposed to do? Resurrect it?

She was likely very apologetic and mortified. She probably offered what she thought could make things a tiny bit better, she might not understand the bond between the hamster and the kid but to say it's telling of her character is a bit much imo.
I do agree her son's behaviour would worry me though

I think it’s relevant whether he had any intention of harming the hamster. They bloody hurt when they bite and flicking his hand to get her off in the moment is quite different from deliberately throwing her.

Can you stop making everything about you?

We all know you’re not going to hide the thread 🙄

@HamsterAccident don’t blame yourself but please don’t urge DS to be friends with this boy or see him again if he doesn’t want to.

Hurting animals is a reliable precursor to attacking humans.

Avoid the child and tell the truth if you’re asked why. They don’t have school pets do they?