I’m going to hell.

[Meowthh]

So DH and I have been together since we were 18 (34 now) married for 6 years.

he has become overweight, has sleep apnoea so I bought him a mouth guard and I can’t even look at it in the morning without wanting to puke as it is full of blood from his gums (gingivitis)

I feel awful as he also wants to be intimate, kissing etc but I just don’t want it anymore, I’m not attracted to him at all. I feel so so bad about this and don’t know what to do.

There are likely to be many many years ahead of you. Is this really what you want for the rest of your life?

You need to be honest with him, so he has the chance to change

Or just leave him if you're unhappy in the relationship and no longer attracted to him

You leave.

do you love him? i mean attractiveness later on usually comes from being in love with their personality. I would encourage him to get fit and healthy if you do love him but if not then i think you may need to seperate.

I feel so bad, he is the father of my children but I just can’t pretend anymore.

You need honest but gentle communication.

I wouldn’t be attracted to DH if he was overweight and he knows this and takes good care of himself.

Guilt is a pointless but unavoidable emotion in situations like this. It will fade. I have never known anyone to come back from this once they've reached the point of being repulsed by their partner.

He shaved off his beard once and honestly it is something I cannot un see. He had no jawline and looked like a completely different person.

You are too young to settle for this. You are looking at decades of misery. You deserve to be happy

Shouldn’t I just love him regardless?

No. You can't choose who you love. You can't force yourself to love someone. It is normal to fall out of love, and it is absolutely reasonable to leave if you're unhappy. You are a person too.

It sounds like he would be better off without you tbh

Why are you going to hell?

Sounds revolting. You met very young. Maybe it's time to experience un-revolting things.

I already feel so bad please don’t

@EspressoMacchiato I wouldn’t be attracted to DH if he was overweight and he knows this and takes good care of himself.

Jesus f'ing Christ. Wtf? That's not love.

He urgently needs a dentist. If the mouth guard is off the shelf it probably doesn't fit properly and causes more damage.
Does he use chlorhexidine mouthwash at least twice a day? That eases gingivitis and stops odour.
If you get him to see a dentist and he follows the treatment plan at least he's showing willing. You have every right to say his condition is putting you off him. It's antisocial and anti-sexual.

That was uncalled for.

You can't make yourself feel attracted to someone. It's not a moral failing if you don't have those feelings anymore.

Well the obvious answer would be for you to tell him how you feel and give him the opportunity tp change

Imagine if a man came on here and said his wife gained weight so now he is repulsed by her. I'm sure the responses would be very different

Do you think of he lost weight and took better care of himself your spark for him would reignite?

If so, you need to have a gentle talk with him about turning his life around.

If you think it's too late regardless then you need to leave as its cruel to keep him in a sex less, loveless marriage.

Boak

@Meowthh it sounds like you feel revulsion towards him.

There's no shame in splitting if you lack any desire to be intimate with him so talk to him but put it gently.