I’m going to hell.

[Meowthh]

So DH and I have been together since we were 18 (34 now) married for 6 years.

he has become overweight, has sleep apnoea so I bought him a mouth guard and I can’t even look at it in the morning without wanting to puke as it is full of blood from his gums (gingivitis)

I feel awful as he also wants to be intimate, kissing etc but I just don’t want it anymore, I’m not attracted to him at all. I feel so so bad about this and don’t know what to do.

Umm anyone would have the ick with this.

It all sounds weirdly defensive like he’s pushing you away with that gross behaviour on purpose…but anyway all you can do is focus on either rebuilding /encouraging self care, counselling or maybe make tracks to end. I’d maybe get some support / therapy for yourself that sounds tough on many levels. He sounds checked out

Tbh, you feel how you feel, and we cant MAKE ourselves become attracted to those to whom are just unattractive to us. However, you've been together for some time, and my guess is that it wasn't simply his looks that attracted you to him originally, and you fell in love with him for more than just his appearance. If the rest of him is still as it was when you first met, perhaps don't make anybrash decisions. I would talk tp him about how you feel, with sensitivity, also encouraging him gently to lose weight.

The belly button thing you might expect from a small child. From an adult, it's a gesture of contempt, pure and simple.

Yes, I agree with this.

Could he actually be trying to get you to break up with him ?

OP it sounds like you're in hell.

Exactly lol. Men wouldn't put up with this. They'd just go and find another more attractive woman to shag.

You only ever see women wringing their hands and wondering if they're an awful person for not fancying their obese, decaying, nose-picking, BO stinking partner any more.

And then they get loads of other posters telling them they ARE out of order because his feelings might be hurt if he knew that his BO and toilet skids gave you the Ick.

It's honestly a parallel universe on here sometimes.

What’s with the ‘I’m going to hell’ headline? Is this a serious religious concern or just being dramatic?

Were his standards always so low OP?

Whats changed?

Was he always so fatuous and disgusting?

He has no boundaries around food or health it seems and this lack of self care is deeply unattractive.

When did he decide to give up on himself so completely?

He waits for you to ‘rescue’ him?

What was his upbringing like? His relationship with his mum and dad?

Did they teach him to look after himself?

His gums will kill him early. That’s what the new research shows. Gum health affects your chances of developing diabetes, neurological diseases like Parkinson’s and dementia, it’s a new frontier of research as all that crap bacteria is getting into your blood stream and affecting all your organs.

He needs to learn to floss. He needs to go to the hygienist regularly to get it under control.

He can also try some tooth/mouth probiotics. He’d need to suck/chew daily.

https://es.iherb.com/pr/now-foods-probiotic-10-25-billion-50-veg-capsules/21130?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMInvSors2VhQMVOahoCR3J8wcBEAQYAiABEgJpBPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

These will work for as long as he takes them and if he brushes properly and flosses every night.

He has no idea he’s heading for an early grave. But he is if he keeps up that lack of care.

He will also lose his teeth and need a denture. You could try and shock him into action. He needs a kick up the xxxx

this is from Google AI about tooth health:

conversation with Gemini
How is gum health related to overall health?

Your mouth is teeming with bacteria, both good and bad. When you don't brush and floss regularly, the bad bacteria can build up and form plaque, a sticky film that coats your teeth. Plaque irritates the gums, causing inflammation and bleeding. This is the first stage of gum disease, called gingivitis.

If gingivitis is left untreated, it can progress to periodontitis, a more serious form of gum disease that damages the tissues and bones that support your teeth. Periodontitis can lead to tooth loss and other health problems.

Here's how gum health is connected to overall health:

Inflammation: Periodontitis is a chronic inflammatory disease. Inflammation throughout the body has been linked to an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and even Alzheimer's disease.
Bacteria in the bloodstream: The inflamed gums can allow bacteria to enter the bloodstream and travel to other parts of the body.

In your shoes then I'd be looking to leave.
If he's slid into this from gradual deterioration of mental health issues, or complacency then got a wake up call and reacted positively that's one thing.
But if you've had all the conversations and this is it... Well I couldn't live with it, apart from anything I'd be furious if the kids picked up these revolting behaviours I'd want them to see at least one parent rejecting these standards.

So a symptom of depression is its ok to pick your disgusting waxy ears/ stinking belly button and try to force your partner to engage in this activity ?
Depressed but still interested in sex ?

Also, I’ve never known plate licking to be a symptom of depression.

Are you sure his gums bleeding are from gingivitis and not grinding his teeth?

I had a mouth guard that got bloody from teeth grinding.

I used to work for dentists and floss twice a day, brush three times a day, water pik once a day.

No cavities or gum disease, but blood from grinding down so hard that the guard made my gums bleed.

I recently read a post where the OP had put on some weight and she was concerned that her DP no longer found her attractive.
The responses were somehow different to these responses…
Odd.

You’re being honest. He repulses you. No coming back from that.

Was she also neglecting her basic hygiene and getting her DH to smell her finger?

Well I think you need to decide if he changes would you feel differently? My guess is no. I had a similar situation but grosser and I'm telling you there was no going back. The ick was huge. I would imagine it isn't just this but that this was the last straw. That's the way it was for me.

This thread is escalating isn’t.

Reading all the updates, the problem isn't that he's overweight. The problem is that his baseline personality is that of a disgusting, lazy slob who acts like another child to be taken care of. He's just not bothering to disguise it anymore because now he thinks he has you trapped by marriage and children. Gaining weight, which isn't necessarily the end of the world in itself, is just one facet of him no longer bothering to maintain the façade he put up to attract you.

Fair enough you've posted. He's made my libido shrivel just reading about him. In my experience, if that's what someone is really like, they won't change unless they find someone else they want to impress and even then it's just as temporary. You've tried speaking to him and it has fallen on deaf ears. He doesn't care enough to keep you, and you already know what he reverts to disgusts you, so if you want to leave I think that's fair enough.

My problem is whenever a woman says on Mn that her partner has stopped being attracted to her because she's put on weight/ aged/ etc everyone feels sorry for her. When it's the other way round everyone bends over backwards to stick up for her and it's still somehow the man's fault. Yes he should see a dentist for his health but you sound very shallow and unsupportive.

It is true responses are different, than the other recent threads with women saying the man had gone off her.

I don’t buy the “it’s because he is also a grim slob” because in the OP they never told us all the stories about him sticking his finger in his bellybutton or hovering around to eat their kids food etc and people were still immediately resorting to LTB before those updates.

That said, I do think he is being grim and I’d find it gross and also disrespectful some of the things he’s doing and would immediately tell him I don’t need to see his ear wax or mouth guard blood. I wouldn’t tolerate that for a second.

OP when you say you’ve spoken to him what exactly have you said and how frank have been? What has he said in reply? It’s very unclear as to what’s been discussed and it’s kind of key to this. I’m wondering why you are being vague about this point.

I don’t know why I am so bothered about hurting his feelings to be honest. He constantly tells me things that annoy him that I do.

Stop being a martyr and speak up. Perhaps this is part of the resentment. He feels free to voice his concerns and irritations but you for some reasons don’t. His feelings will be much more hurt in the long term if you don’t have an open honest conversation with him asap. So you’re not doing avoiding this for his benefit!

Also roughly how overweight is he? And has he only recently started slobbish behaviours recently, or was he always like this and it’s just bothering you more now because he’s also overweight? I’d be surprised if those habits just popped up overnight.

He sounds absolutely repulsive. I'd run a mile 🤢

Can you really not see the difference? Those women are posting for one of two reasons: either they themselves feel unattractive and it’s making them miserable and anxious about their relationship but their partner hasn’t said anything OR their partner has come out and told them their weight is unacceptable.

Neither of those things is happening here. The male partner is actively being gross seems unconcerned. The OP is agonising about her lack of attraction for him but can’t bring herself to tell him.

Why bring out the ‘poor men’ routine when it’s demonstrably not the case? They really, really don’t need you on their team! (Unless you’re a man - in which case, carry on.)

I don’t buy the “it’s because he is also a grim slob” because in the OP they never told us all the stories about him sticking his finger in his bellybutton or hovering around to eat their kids food etc and people were still immediately resorting to LTB before those updates.

Gingivitis bad enough to bloody a mouth guard, which he then leaves dirty, is right there in the first post.