I’m going to hell.

[Meowthh]

So DH and I have been together since we were 18 (34 now) married for 6 years.

he has become overweight, has sleep apnoea so I bought him a mouth guard and I can’t even look at it in the morning without wanting to puke as it is full of blood from his gums (gingivitis)

I feel awful as he also wants to be intimate, kissing etc but I just don’t want it anymore, I’m not attracted to him at all. I feel so so bad about this and don’t know what to do.

Isn’t it funny the difference when it’s a woman saying it about her husband, yet literally just the other day a woman posted as her husband had said he was no longer attracted to her as she has gained weight and EVERY reply was in uproar about what a vile disgusting person he must be, how shallow he is and how comments like this were completely disrespectful to the marriage etc etc, where’s that energy now🤣🤣

He deserves someone who loves him for him and wants to be with him because they want to be and not out of pity. He deserves better.

Maybe I am at a point of no return, he puts his finger in his bellybutton and asks me to smell it and I think it is fucking disgusting. He also cleans his ears and the amount of wax that comes out is grim. Just do it in private for god sake.

You’ve got the ick OP.
Theres no going back.

I wish I didn’t. I wish I still loved him I really do.

Cheers for that.

Perhaps there's also something to be said for getting together when you were very young, if he's been your only adult experience of relationships and at the age of 34 you're looking around at the state of your life wondering how you got here then no amount of trying to reconcile with lying in the bed you made will help you. That his habits and behaviour have become repulsive is one thing but you need not make a list to justify or build up enough 'evidence' that the marriage is beyond saving. If you feel it's the end of the road him poking about his belly button is neither here nor there - you need to have a discussion with him and think about what comes next in a practical sense.

When I re read the belly button thing I laughed so hard as it just sounds so ridiculous 🤣🤣🤣🤣

When you are disgusted by something he does, do you tell him straightaway? We (mostly women) are conditioned to not hurt other people's (mostly men's) feelings and to keep silent about our own feelings. This means that we often don't provide the feedback they need if they are going to change.

I'm in no way blaming you, BTW. It is revolting and slobby. You need to let him know you are disgusted, both by telling him (gently but directly) and through your actions. In other words, don't force yourself to be affectionate or intimate. Do him the favour of giving him an honest reaction. And above all don't torment yourself by adding guilt to this - it's not your fault.

Posted too soon,
I cannot abide this attitude, you can love someone but not be attracted to them, I wouldn't feel as attracted to my DP if his appearance hugely changed.

I'd leave because I can't see how you can recover from being repulsed by him, especially if there is no desire to change on his part. Definitely not BU there.

I must admit, regarding the jawline comment, I did wonder what the response would be if a bloke made a derogatory comment about his wife taking off her make up and him not being able to believe - in a bad way - that it was the same person.

Thank goodness someone finally acknowledged this. The majority of replies on this thread are appalling and say a lot about how dispensable some people view marriage. OP I would encourage you to remember your wedding vows- for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. So consider what do you love about him, what can you both do to help each other, etc. Throwing away a marriage over this would be, quite frankly, awful. Ask your husband to visit his dentist and go from there. He likely doesn't feel great about himself either so don't add to that, marriage is about supporting each other through the good and the bad.

I agree with that poster.

If my husband put on tonnes of weight I'd be like WTF are you playing at and expect him to lose weight.

He doesn't have to be adonis but there is a line.

ETA and I'd say exactly the same if a woman got fat for no medical reason. The husband is well within his rights to expect change.

@6Y5T How low are your standards. I know I couldn't. I feel sick just reading about it.

I don't think he's going to find anyone if he continues with his bad habits.

OP exactly kind about her DH either. He doesn't deserve to be stuck in this marriage either with someone who seems repulsed by him. OP should tell him how she feels, so he can make a choice too.

Divorce isn't a bad word.

I’m still here aren’t I!

Me and my DP have got together in later life, I've kept my house. I was on the point of moving out again because of his sleep apnea. I'd start a discussion around health. Sleep apnea can cause overeating disorders because you are constantly tired. It isn't just snoring, oxygen levels etc drop, heart damage can happen. There should be a level of respect for your relationship that makes you work on yourself. That doesn't totally apply during pregnancy/newborn/disability etc. Even if it's depression, it's still about getting treatment, rather than making excuses. 34 is way too young for his health problems, shortly it will be diabetes, hypertension, heart disease etc.

He does overeat because he is constantly tired. I made him an appointment to the GP which he went to, he has received a letter for the sleep clinic but I can’t book that for him too, he has to take some responsibility. I bought him the mouth guard and a nice new expensive pillow.

i met husband at 18 and i'm 40 now. he is 44 and still gorgeous. i love him and still attracted to him.

You didn't meet the right person at 18 that's why you can't imagine it

I didn’t say I wouldn’t love him. I said I wouldn’t be attracted to him.

Try to read the posts please @NaiceUser

One of my best friends met her DH when she was 18 and they are in their 50's and very much still in love.

This sounds like a man in his late sixties onwards, not mid-thirties.

Nope.

(And I speak as someone who is currently overweight).

No. Love between adults is not unconditional. Only the love for your children is.