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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister stole my baby name

364 replies

JessMathews8 · 26/03/2024 22:07

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

OP posts:
TinySaltLick · 26/03/2024 22:10

No one has exclusivity to a name, just use the name anyway?

I can see it is annoying but I'd just go for it anyway if you still like it, doesn't sound like you see your sister very much anyway

CatamaranViper · 26/03/2024 22:10

YANBU to feel how you feel. It was pretty childish of your sister to do that knowing you were going to name your baby after your nana.
Will you still do it? After all, no one owns a name so there is nothing stopping you calling your DD the same. Yes it'll be confusing and yes shell probably kick off about it, but hey! You did tell her!

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 26/03/2024 22:11

I know loads of cousins with the same names. Just use it yourself if you want to, or a variation if you don't want exactly the same name.

It really isn't that big a deal honestly.

SuperstarDeejay · 26/03/2024 22:12

Did you have to post this twice? You already have a discussion going in Baby Names.

Rocket1982 · 26/03/2024 22:12

Just use it. No issue with 2 cousins having the same name. In my family my aunt had the same name as her DM, and I have the same name as my SIL. Nobody has 'dibs' on a name.

CarrotCake01 · 26/03/2024 22:12

Use the name anyway, if it means that much to you. That's what I'd do!

It's lovely that nana is being honoured all these years later and her name lives on. It doesn't have to be exclusively your nieces thing 🤷🏼‍♀️

Just pray for a happy, healthy little baby and call her what you like.

OooScotland · 26/03/2024 22:13

Both of you use the name if you like it.

I have a niece who is six months younger than me. (I was a late baby) and we have the same name. It wasn’t a problem.

The cousins will grow up and have their own lives and it won’t matter that they have the same name as each other, they might even enjoy it.

YankSplaining · 26/03/2024 22:15

You’re not unreasonable, because she told you to go ahead and use the name, with no mention that she might want to use it herself. That was sneaky.

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 26/03/2024 22:15

Same name or use a different version of it.

WoodBurningStov · 26/03/2024 22:15

Use the name, I've known cousins with the same name.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 26/03/2024 22:15

YABU to start 2 threads about this

Original poster
JessMathews8 · 26/03/2024 22:15

It's more I'm hurt as it was what my son would be if he was a girl, it was the name discussed for the 4 miscarriages I had. Its not like she didn't know, even when we was talking to each other TTC again I would our girl name and boy name and she would say so.ething different until she got pregnant. She then said we could use the name as we knew it was a girl so we've have been calling our bump by name, she said she had 5 other girls names. And then she had the baby and just sent the family group a picture with the name on. People say I can't call dibs on a name until baby is born, but i think in this context my sister is a bit out of order but I'm being made to believe it's only me that thinks this

OP posts:
growgrowinggrown · 26/03/2024 22:16

I would assume its an unwritten rule that the eldest child tends to carry any family names on.
I know its usually the mans name but still. If your heart is set on it then go for it, your sister also knew you wanted to use it.

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 26/03/2024 22:17

Just use the name.

Summerscoming23 · 26/03/2024 22:17

I know cousins with the same name (like 5 in my family). It's a nice nod to your granny. Just use it or of she doesn't look like an "edith" second name her it

BreakingAndBroke · 26/03/2024 22:18

It is her Nana's name too.

LordSnot · 26/03/2024 22:19

Why should you be the only one able to give that homage to your nana?

Name stealing isn't a thing. The name is still there for you to use.

Everlena · 26/03/2024 22:19

That is so weird of your sister

When you say that it’s your Nana’s name, I assume that’s your sister’s Nana too? But in view of the conversations you’ve had with her and thst she knows you’ve been calling your bump by thst name, I think her behaviour has been pretty awful.

Not sure what I would do if I was you. Probably use it as your child’s middle name. That way if she likes it as an adult she can use it as her main name. If your sister is this mean I don’t see your daughter having a particularly close relationship with those cousins.

ThorsMistress · 26/03/2024 22:20

My auntie named her son the same name as her brother. Complete non issue. Just call her what you like

Everlena · 26/03/2024 22:21

Other option is to ‘go big’ and just use the name and tell anyone who asks that this had been your baby’s name for many months and that you were surprised your sister copied you but you won’t be bullied into changing it. That’d be a big family drama tho. Easier to use it as middle name.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/03/2024 22:21

I’m another one saying call her this anyway. Cousins can have the same name.

LordSnot · 26/03/2024 22:21

Everlena · 26/03/2024 22:21

Other option is to ‘go big’ and just use the name and tell anyone who asks that this had been your baby’s name for many months and that you were surprised your sister copied you but you won’t be bullied into changing it. That’d be a big family drama tho. Easier to use it as middle name.

Or be a grown up, use the name and say your nana was so amazing you both hope your girls take after her.

GoldenDoor · 26/03/2024 22:22

It is really strange and off if you’ve been using the name since the 20week scan. I would use the name still OP as it would feel wrong not to.

Berlinlover · 26/03/2024 22:22

My cousin and I have the same first name and surname. I have two cousins named after our Grandad. YABU

CarrotCake01 · 26/03/2024 22:22

JessMathews8 · 26/03/2024 22:15

It's more I'm hurt as it was what my son would be if he was a girl, it was the name discussed for the 4 miscarriages I had. Its not like she didn't know, even when we was talking to each other TTC again I would our girl name and boy name and she would say so.ething different until she got pregnant. She then said we could use the name as we knew it was a girl so we've have been calling our bump by name, she said she had 5 other girls names. And then she had the baby and just sent the family group a picture with the name on. People say I can't call dibs on a name until baby is born, but i think in this context my sister is a bit out of order but I'm being made to believe it's only me that thinks this

I think heightened emotions regarding the miscarriages and pregnancy are making this feel much more serious than it is.
You like a sentimental name and so does your sister 🤷🏼‍♀️ it's okay. I guess it feels like a betrayal somehow, but she didn't do it to spite you. It doesn't have to really effect you that much!

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