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Original poster

I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

548 replies

Applecake123 · 25/03/2024 23:25

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

OP posts:
cheddercherry · 26/03/2024 08:50

The dog is out of control, it is aggressive and untrainable…. And you think it’s going to accept a baby in the house soon too?

You need to leave or the dog does, but all of you continuing under this roof is going to end in tragedy.

Minfilia · 26/03/2024 08:50

This is a real mess OP and you need to start untangling it now, however difficult it is in the short term.

You have an aggressive dog in the house who is already showing displacement behaviour. Displacement makes them MORE aggressive.

You need to explain this to your boyfriend. The dog with an already high prey drive is upset which makes it more likely for her to be aggressive. She’s already shown willing to want to kill your cats. And a 10 year old pit bull will be almost impossible to train. They aren’t safe.

Bringing a baby in will ramp up the dogs aggression.

So either the dog goes (or is euthanised - which as a dog lover I hate to say but it could be necessary here) or you move back with family. It seems those are the only two options.

But the dog could live another 5-7 years…. You can’t just sit there and do nothing!

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 26/03/2024 08:51

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 26/03/2024 08:43

This reminds me of a vulnerable ND poster who wanted to move to the US with her cats to live with an online boyfriend…

If I remember rightly, he also had an out of control dog..?

LadyKenya · 26/03/2024 08:52

HesterRoon · 26/03/2024 08:42

Surely this post isn't real.

You would be surprised though, there are people living in the type of situation the OP describes, with the dog faeces all over the house, and young children in that environment. The cats are the least of the OPs problem imo.

diddl · 26/03/2024 08:52

What a bloody mess.

He doesn't love his dog Op he's bloody neglectful.

Even if the dog problem is sorted somehow (trained, rehomed, pts) that sounds the least of your problems!

rightoguvnor · 26/03/2024 08:56

If you were my daughter I'd be begging you to come home. This situation can only get worse.

Newestname002 · 26/03/2024 08:56

TiaraBoo · 25/03/2024 23:30

Can you move out?

Yep - in your situation I'd move out again. This is a very unsatisfactory way for you and your cats to live. Your partner is a negligent pet owner and you're having to do the heavy lifting. Bad enough if you were not pregnant - worse because you are. 🌹

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 26/03/2024 08:57

I think the OP is very vulnerable. She’s not going anywhere. 😞

Notinthemood12 · 26/03/2024 08:57

If it were me, I would see if there are any breed specific trainers locally. Will this man pay for that? If so try that. If not then he clearly sees the situation as ok and has no care for his family or your cats. He sounds like he lacks emotional intelligence

Wexone · 26/03/2024 08:58

Sweet Jesus i wonder how these people exist? You are both fools. Your boyfriend has a do that is not being looked after properly. What's happening is not the dogs fault BUT YOUR BOYFRIENDS. Dogs regardless of breeds need to be walked every day they need to be trained not to go to the toilet in house etc. Plus now the dog who has lived in a home for 10 years now has another person and cats to contend with of course its bloody stressed. Its so bloody obvious. Then you come along and bring your cats into the house aswell with out proper introduction, change the house set up completely. Having dogs and cats is like having a child, its needs to be looked after properly and just lie parenting you reap what you sow

And then you get pregnant😱Jesus has wept. Like the two of want to bring a child into this situation. You both need to take a good long hard look at yourselves and bloody cop yourselves on before you bring a child into this world.

WarshipRocinante · 26/03/2024 08:59

That dog is going to attack your baby. Has that even entered your head? Look at the dog’s behaviour with the cats. Look at the fact that the dog is dangerous. That dog is going to attack your baby.

Why have you moved to another country with no way to support yourself, no financial independence? And if you have that baby out there… you won’t be able to come home.

Get back to the UK, get away from that ridiculous man who can’t take care of an animal and have the baby here. Then you can move in with him if you want, but you will be free to come home and bring your child without having to fight for it.

fungipie · 26/03/2024 09:01

MaloneMeadow · 25/03/2024 23:32

If that’s how your boyfriend raises a dog then have a good long hard think if this man is really worth spending your life with. I don’t think so.

Couldn't have written it better,

waterrat · 26/03/2024 09:05

you absolutely cannot live with this dog once you have a baby - so honestly OP that is the end of any further wondering about it.

I'm sorry for you this sounds incredibly stressful but your partner needs to get rid of the dog/ pass it to another (responsible ) owner or put it down.

Lovisa45 · 26/03/2024 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Everanewbie · 26/03/2024 09:06

I don't understand what woman would chose a man to have a child with who thinks a Pitbull Terrier is a suitable household pet, let alone a poorly trained one.

Either he's one of those meat heads who wants to look hard with an angry looking dog, or he has extremely poor judgement.

hotpotlover · 26/03/2024 09:08

Another aspect of this is social services.

If they're anything like in the UK, a midwife or health visitor (or the equivalent in your country) will make a referral to ss and they will take a very dim view on your living situation.

CettePersonne · 26/03/2024 09:08

Ignore the spam/scam post op above, it's been reported.

breakupexpert · 26/03/2024 09:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

lechatnoir · 26/03/2024 09:12

@Applecake123 please please go before the baby is born - right now you have complete control over your body and your baby. The minute s/he is born the father comes into the picture and before you know it, you’ve can’t leave the country because you’ve got a custody battle on your hands. And if you’re not together, that means baby being alone in the house with boyfriend and pitbull.

as scary and difficult as it might seem to leave now, it will be a damn sight more difficult once your baby is here and that’s without the physical and emotional toll that childbirth can put on a new mum.

Sausage1989 · 26/03/2024 09:22

Applecake123 · 25/03/2024 23:25

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

Jesus christ OP you need to move out NOW. Your poor cats in 1 room, I can't believe you've allowed it to get this far, the dog goes to the shelter or you and the cats leave. You can't trust that dog around a newborn either. Fucking hell this has freaked me out.

iwafs · 26/03/2024 09:23

Get back to the UK - now. Don’t wait til baby is born.

you can consider taking things up with this man once the dog has died. The dog is 10 already after all.

get housed in the UK - and yes you can get a job whilst pregnant.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 26/03/2024 09:24

How many times are
you going to post about this? Can’t believe you actually moved overseas and got pregnant. Not helpful I know but seriously what were you thinking!

Bumblebeestiltskin · 26/03/2024 09:24

Applecake123 · 25/03/2024 23:32

Technically I cannot move out, I'm pregnant, in a new country, with no job, and unfortunately I don't have family to help me.

You're going to have to, for your cats' sake, your sake, and your baby's sake. It sounds like it'll be hard, but, honestly, can you really see an alternative?

redboxer321 · 26/03/2024 09:26

Haven't rtwt but wasn't there a similar thread about someone moving in with her boyfriend who had an untrained pitbull a few months ago? In that version the OP had two CKC spaniels and the boyfriend was in the US.
Might be my memory but it sounds very familiar.

ilovesushi · 26/03/2024 09:26

The dog has to go or you and the cats need to move out. This is not good for your and not good for your cats.