I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

[Applecake123]

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

You need to stop with the excuses as to why you can't move out. You can. And you absolutely need to. You are failing that baby big time if you don't.

OP, can I just ask… was this a plan or something? You said you lost your job months ago, and have no family who can help. So you were unemployed and unable to support yourself with no family to go live with. Then you get pregnant, he buys a house and you go live with him and don’t need to look for work. Was this a plan of yours?

Don't be stuck in a country for the next 18 years. Many women are, as they won't leave their children (understandably).
This is not just a baby, this is a child for 18 years where you may not have any say over what happens. You might always need permission from him to leave the country with the child. This will limit your access to work and education and thus how you can support your child.
At the VERY LEAST I'd return to my home country to give birth.
https://www.elenacrespolorenzo.com/en/joint-custody-spain/

At no point has OP said the dog is generally agressive - she's said the opposite, the dog is lovely with people & children. The dog (like many dogs of all breeds) does not like the cats & other animals. It's also stressed by the new living arrangements - like many dogs would be. The defecating & weeing around the house was infrequent prior to the new situation, so it's going to be in response to that. Again - not unusual & both things can just take time to sort out. 'can' being the operative word on the cat front.

This is normal dog-stuff, nothing she's said is breed specific so all this 'put the pit bull down before it kills you' stuff is ridiculous. Unless there's aggression that OP doesn't know about or hasn't shared then it's completely inappropriate.

The dog needs training, intense training immediately with a good & sensitive trainer. So does OPs partner. If money allows then a residential course (which usually I hate) would help given how little time there is & this needs sorting ASAP.

The breed is only relevant in terms of laws preventing OP from walking her. The dog is 10 & hasn't killed anyone.

You don't get a dog then get rid when it gets old. Disgusting attitude.

OP made the choice to move countries and move in with someone it seems she barely knew. Then to top it off she accidentally gets pregnant!

@Applecake123
Just think 🤔 of it,

Your partner can not even look after his dog welfare properly

Let alone a human unborn baby, !!!!

Carry on in this situation your cats will get killed or and mauled by this dog ,

What if your partners dog got jealous of your baby having so much attention and attacked and killed your baby ?????

You either demand that your boyfriend has his dog rehomed,
no gaurentee your boyfriend will want to do this as he become too attached emotionally to him,
He should have taking dog to obedience and welfare classes,

I would look at getting more emotionally help and support and go back to your family back home

Worrying about pets not getting along is one thing - fearing for their safety in each other’s presence is another. If this animal has broken through 2 muzzles it is aggressive. No amount of training will remove that prey drive. The dog will treat the baby and deal with it just like it does with the other ‘prey’

You also don’t get a dog, never mind a dangerous breed and refuse to appropriately train and exercise it. It has 0 quality of life and is better off being put to sleep

"It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles"

WTF?! Are you being serious?! It's not the bloody dog's fault it hasn't been trained!

Your whole post is just a mess OP. Been together a year in a long distance relationship, moved in together 2 months ago, already pregnant, don't like his dog (which, by the sounds of it, he hasn't even bother to train properly so good luck with a child!).

Regardless of the dog, this doesn't sound like it's going to work out. Shame you got pregnant so early on before you actually lived with him and got to know each other.

You have to put the needs and safety of your child above your dog thoughm

A dog that will essentially be like a mini dinosaur if and when it kicks off.

The dog needs to go before the baby comes.

So is the poor dog by the sounds of it!!! Not getting sufficient exercise (hence going to the toilet in the house). Doesn't like being around animals but then two cats are brought into the mix?! My dogs are not pitbull breeds (one is a lurcher and the other a German Pointer) and they HATE cats. They would go absolutely mental if I brought one into the home and it would make everyone - humans and animals - anxious, nervous and scared. Hence why shelters usually say "can't live with other dogs / cats". It is NOT the animals fault. Stupid people being irresponsible are to blame.

@MaloneMeadow The dog is aggressive towards other animals, that's not an unusual thing for any dog & also not an indication of how it is with humans. Nothing OP has said remotely suggests any humans are at risk, nothing at all. That's being put on the dog due to the breed.

It is something the boyf should have dealt with already through training.

The cats sound like they are fully at risk! But if the cats weren't there would any of this be an issue? Were they introduced properly with extreme caution like they should have been?

It's not wholly clear to me if op moved into the house when the dog was already there or if they all moved in together at the same time. Both situations require SERIOUSLY careful handling & clearly that wasn't done. Boyf would have known this would be an issue & has done nothing about it.

But still! Nothing at ALL to suggest the dog is a danger to humans or the baby. A truly dangerous pitbull doesn't get to 10 years old.

The dog is not the "ass hole" here. Your BF is for not taking control and training and caring for his dog properly.

Setting aside that you are pregnant by someone you've known less than a year, you have now isolated yourself from your support system and are not working, making yourself dependent on this man. As you are no doubt aware, you are in an extremely vulnerable situation and it is one that is less than ideal for raising a child. If he cannot look after a dog properly, he's not great father material is he? Can you return to your home country and stay with family whilst you get back on your feet?

Once you have the baby, it will be extremely difficult to leave if you are in another country and you will effectively be trapped until the child reaches majority. Are you allowed to work in this country or is your visa dependent on your partner?

The dog needs to go or you do. The sooner, the better. And I say this as a lover of bully breeds.

Rehoming the cats won't solve the problem.

@m00ngirl is right no dog is too old to train.

The best way to start training this dog is to set them up for success. Manage their environment. How is the home set up? Is it a flat all on one level? A house? How secure is the garden? Can you safely take the dog out there to toilet without your partner?

Is it possible to have the cats live upstairs and the dog downstairs for example? Keep a stair gate on the stairs so the dog can't get up there. The cats don't have to be trapped in one room unless you only have 2 rooms in total. Use room dividers, stair gates, etc. Barriers to keep them apart. Limit where the dog can go within the house so that toileting accidents (which are a failing of the owners not the dog) are easier to clean and manage. Ensure you are using an enzyme cleaner to fully remove any smells and stains as a dog may learn to keep going where she/he has previously been able to go if she/he can still smell it there.

With regards to toilet training even at 10 it can be done. If the vet has ruled out a medical issue then you can do this! Back to basics. Train as if this is a new puppy or a new rescue dog that has never lived indoors. This means give them every opportunity to be in the right place when they need to go. This means their day could look like this -
Wake up, then take outside to toilet.
Breakfast, then take outside to toilet.
Playtime, then take outside to toilet.
Nap, then take outside to toilet.

Basically after any activity give them an opportunity to be outside so when they do need to toilet they're in the right place to do so. When they toilet give quiet praise and then bring them back inside. If they're outside for 20 minutes but just playing/sniffing/messing around being them back in. However if they have come back inside without having urinated you must NOT leave them unsupervised. If you seem them look as though they're going to toilet, rush to get them outside before they do so that again they are in the right place when it happens.

This kind of toilet training takes a lot of focussed attention and time BUT it works and it can work within a matter of days/weeks rather than months and months of "accidents".

Your partner will not be able to re-home a 10 year old dog categorised as a dangerous breed so any idea of someone else caring for the dog is out. This means you move out; the dog is euthanised (horrible and I am not advocating this but being realistic); the dog is trained and made safe and clean before the baby arrives. These are the only options and whichever one is chosen your partner needs to step up and fully support - this could look like using 2 weeks of annual leave for the initial intensive training. It could look like him paying for the help of a vet behaviourist. It could look like him doing AT LEAST 50% of the cleaning of any accidents. It could look like him buying and assembling room dividers/stair gates/barriers.

Good luck @Applecake123 and share with your partner this resource on Facebook it's called "Dog Training Advice and Support" it's totally free and has guides to read to help with training, everything you could need will be there and having read the guides if you still need help it's ran by qualified trainers who give expert advice for free. It's genuinely brilliant.

Did you move to Spain from the UK?

@Salmakia the most helpful post on this thread 👏

You do realise the very obvious (or apparently not so much to you!) fact that the dog will in all likelihood see no difference in a baby and an animal. In the dog’s eyes it is just another threat and form of prey. Resource guarding behaviour when it comes to babies is common in even the most well behaved and placid dogs, never mind one with an already aggressive history where things can easily escalate way out of control to far more dangerous situations

Get a dog a walker or dog sitter who takes the dog to their house. Presumably the dog isn't get enough exercise and needs this sorting first up. Has the dog seen a vet or trainer about weeing/pooing in the house? I'd definitely start by insisting the dog sees a: vet, groomer (if your boyfriend won't bathe him), trainer and dog walker. That would make it seem like you were trying to constructively approach the situation. I don't think it's reasonable to demand an animal loses its home, also hard to believe you didn't notice how smelly and annoying the dog was before, didn't you visit for weekends?

How many times had you physically seen this man before you got pregnant with his child?

It will be both very unsafe and very unsanitary to bring a tiny baby back to that house.

Can the dog not be kennelled outside?

By your words I think you must be a young person, but you’re going to be a mother soon, and you need need to step up and take responsibility. Is your own mother around to support you?

Not all dogs will get on with cats- I don't think that's necessarily lack of training- especially an old dog that's never been around them. And i'm hoping the peeing etc is due to old age- I've never known a female dog that isn't house trained to that extent- my dog started having accidents around 12/13 though and couldn't help it.
Do you have a garden? Could the dog be set up with a nice warm dog house where it could spend time during the day?

Same.

@Applecake123
Can you return home? Do you have friends or family that would help?

You will be stuck in Spain.

With no money, no job, no social network and a man who owns an aggressive and dangerous dog.
A dog he did not train for 10 years. A dog that has been shitting and pissing in his apartment. This man has been living in filth for the last 10 years!!

Is that what you want for your baby?
The baby will crawl around in dog shit and piss.

And there will be a bite incident. It’s not a question of if but when.

A door will be left open, a cat will get out. Ripped apart by a dog is painful and gruesome.
They don’t deserve this. It would be better to rehome them.

And the dog may very well attack you or your baby.

Do yourself, your cats and your baby an favour and rehome all of you.

And leave Spain if in any way possible / if you can return to a country where you can access medical care.

Your DP can move abroad and follow you if he cares (at all).

You absolutely cannot live with an aggressive, untrained (and, from what you’ve said, neglected) dog when you have cats and are expecting a baby.

I adore dogs and I feel very sorry for your boyfriend’s dog because he is mistreating it. He isn’t giving it enough exercise and he hasn’t even house trained it. Before you moved in it was alone in the house all day everyday while he worked.

Bringing cats into the house was cruel to the cats and to the dog. The cats are in serious danger and the dog feels like its home has been invaded by strange creatures that shouldn’t be there so will be constantly stressed.

This situation is utterly untenable. You are naive and your boyfriend is an arsehole. If he can’t care for a dog how the hell do you think he’ll care for a baby? Jeez.

You need to GTFO the country before the baby comes.

This guy is an idiot, I feel sorry for the dog. You shouldn't have gotten pregnant with a loser like this who can't care for an animal.