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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

548 replies

Applecake123 · 25/03/2024 23:25

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

OP posts:
JPGR · 26/03/2024 07:59

I would give the boyfriend an ultimatum. Rehome the dog or you will move back home to your family.

MermaidMummy06 · 26/03/2024 08:00

The dog needs to go, or you & the baby need to live elsewhere.

Pit bulls are mostly banned here in Australia because they are far too aggressive for a domestic pet.

tara66 · 26/03/2024 08:03

How can you just move to live in Spain anyway - with UK not in Schengen area now? Are you European? If not you will have to leave within 90 days or get a special visa if you qualify for one.

CatChant · 26/03/2024 08:04

Your poor cats are leading a wretched life, must be constantly under stress and as soon as it gets the chance this dog will rip them apart. It will be horrific and you will never be able to forget it.

Your baby will be not safe in his or her own home either. Either from the filth created by this untrained animal, or of also being killed or seriously injured by it.

And you will be doing all the care for the baby by yourself because a man who couldn’t be bothered to train his dog certainly isn’t going to bother to step up for a baby.

Get yourself and the cats out of there now. You’ve made a mistake. You don’t have to go on making it.

lechatnoir · 26/03/2024 08:09

Jesus Christ op you need to get the fuck out of there now. He isn’t going to miraculously turn into a responsible dog owner and start a rigorous training plan if he hasn’t done in the past 10 years - and to make a significant change to keep you all safe if you need to be immediate and rigorous.

Call a friend/sibling/parent and book a flight home. You need to stop burying your head in the sand and leave before the dog kills your cats or your baby comes along and really stresses the already stressed dog and attacks baby or you (or by some miracle you all manage to dodge an attack you do know you can have a baby crawling on a floor the dog has pissed or shit on?!). Nothing about this situation can work so the sooner you move out or the dog is gone the better.

Lou670 · 26/03/2024 08:13

The dog messing in the house when it has not previously and all things medical ruled out, it is doing it in protest and is upset. Dogs will do this when they are not happy with their current situation. It may be the cats or down to to you moving in and the dog is jealous.

In your position I would not walk it as that breed are notoriously strong and could pull you over. I think in the best interests of the dog, it needs to be rehomed. I couldn't and wouldn't have that breed of dog around a baby or a young child. They are so powerful and I think it's behaviour/protesting will only get worse once the baby is here. It's a difficult situation and difficult decision to make but I think your boyfriend needs to start thinking about letting the dog go.

CettePersonne · 26/03/2024 08:14

CettePersonne · 26/03/2024 07:56

@Applecake123 , where is your home country?

Edited

Because I think I'd be making sure my child wasn't born in Spain... Is your bf Spanish?

YourKindPeachMaker · 26/03/2024 08:15

Lots of misinformation about Toxoplasmosis and cats as usual in this thread.
This is definitely not the main issue here, but there’s no reason why the cats should not have access to their litter tray, you should just not be the one cleaning it (or if you do because your boyfriend for some reason “can’t do it” do so with gloves and wash your hands afterwards).
All the info you need is here: https://icatcare.org/advice/toxoplasmosis-and-cats/#:~:text=The%20risks%20of%20acquiring%20toxoplasmosis,and%20enjoy%20owning%20a%20cat.

Toxoplasmosis and cats | International Cat Care

https://icatcare.org/advice/toxoplasmosis-and-cats/#:~:text=The%20risks%20of%20acquiring%20toxoplasmosis,and%20enjoy%20owning%20a%20cat.

slore · 26/03/2024 08:17

All of this is stereotypical for pit bulls.

A huge number of them shit and piss inside, because they're utterly untrainable. A lot of them smell worse than average dogs, because they are prone to having oily skin and skin conditions.

And of course, the lethal aggression towards other animals. This is inborn and CANNOT be trained away.

Your boyfriend is a shitty and uncaring owner, but with the best will in the world, you can never train aggression out of a dog. People who think they have, had a reactive dog that was fearful or defensive, not truly aggressive. What you're describing here is true aggression.

Your boyfriend's dog has a high prey drive and is a ticking time bomb. It will perceive your baby as a small prey animal. These dogs can kill adults if they want to, if it decides to snatch your baby out of your arms you will not be able to defend your baby. Don't let your baby become a dog bite statistic.

There is no way for you or your cats to live safely with this violent dog. Also neither you nor your baby should be constantly exposed to feces.

Your cats are already suffering cruelty and neglect. They legitimately fear for their lives everyday, and are frequently imprisoned in one room.

It's all very well thinking that an animal is for life (which is true) but you're making your cats suffer for this sentiment. At the very least, rehome your poor cats.

I would say rehome the dog but it's likely unadoptable. Who wants a 10 year old violent dog that shits all over the house? It's irredeemable.

I know it's not the dogs fault (it can't help its genetics) and it doesn't "deserve" to die, but it's really not safe to live in society. It should have been put down when it was first violent.

KirstenBlest · 26/03/2024 08:17

Not RTFT. You met a man a few times and got pregnant by him, then you moved country to a house he bought taking your cats with you, but your partner has an incontinent pitbull you can't cope with.

wecantbefriends · 26/03/2024 08:18

I'm sorry OP, but what the fuck are you doing?

Honest to god.

NosinaBook · 26/03/2024 08:22

You both sound really immature and have unrealistic expectations of a dog, it's not a human. It's the owners job to put the time into training. Go back to basics and let the dog out every 20 mins, treat when it goes potty. Do not shout at it or punish it, just ignore and clean up. I have had dogs all my life and fostered many too, trained them all. Calmness and consistency is the key. Buy a training book and ffs get your bf to commit to proper training instead of blaming the untrained dog who is reliant on his humans to teach him.

slore · 26/03/2024 08:27

NosinaBook · 26/03/2024 08:22

You both sound really immature and have unrealistic expectations of a dog, it's not a human. It's the owners job to put the time into training. Go back to basics and let the dog out every 20 mins, treat when it goes potty. Do not shout at it or punish it, just ignore and clean up. I have had dogs all my life and fostered many too, trained them all. Calmness and consistency is the key. Buy a training book and ffs get your bf to commit to proper training instead of blaming the untrained dog who is reliant on his humans to teach him.

Most pit bulls are untrainable.

PrincessOlga · 26/03/2024 08:28

L.E.A.V.E.

Snowpaw · 26/03/2024 08:30

You're not being extreme to not want to live in a house filled with dog shit, let alone bring a baby into that environment.

Dog needs to go or you need to go.

NosinaBook · 26/03/2024 08:32

slore · 26/03/2024 08:27

Most pit bulls are untrainable.

They have not even tried 🙄 that's the choice they are faced with. Get clued up on training and follow through with it or rehome the dog, which is not always easy, shelters are full.

LordPercyPercy · 26/03/2024 08:34

I think realistically the dog needs to be euthanised. It can't be in the home with a new baby and it isn't suitable for rehoming.

SpryCat · 26/03/2024 08:35

Your boyfriend has had his dog for ten years, he is strong enough to walk it and probably feels the dog will settle down in time. He’s hoping that eventually all the animals get used to one another but ultimately he’s mostly at work and leaving you to deal with it all.
Stop cleaning after the dog, leave it for him to clean and maybe he will realise he has to step up, the dog needs him to walk it more and you can’t just lock him in another room for the remainder of its life.
You can’t have a baby around an untrained dog and once baby is crawling you can’t have dog poo and wee on floor nor the dog in the same room, you will be less tolerant than you are now once you give birth.
You need a safe home for you, your baby and your cats and this situation is like waiting for a bomb to go off. Go back to your family you are in a very dangerous situation

Katbum · 26/03/2024 08:40

This is not a safe environment for the baby - now or when it is born. Dog poo carries diseases especially dangerous for pregnant women. Your discussions with your bf need to start from there. Perhaps also speak with a women’s aid charity because if your bf does not do something about this he is not a safe person to parent with

hotpotlover · 26/03/2024 08:41

Friends of ours had a dog for 11 years.

It wasn't one of the "dangerous breeds" and very friendly.

Until one day it bit their toddler on the cheek. It required stitches, luckily it didn't leave a scar.

This was a "normal breed", very friendly and placid.

You live together with an out of control pitbull.

If baby's screaming stresses adults, it will stress animals even more.

The dog might see the baby as competition.

I second what others are saying.

The dog has to go or you move back to the UK WHILE YOU ARE STILL PREGNANT.

HesterRoon · 26/03/2024 08:42

Surely this post isn't real.

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 26/03/2024 08:43

This reminds me of a vulnerable ND poster who wanted to move to the US with her cats to live with an online boyfriend…

Lovelyview · 26/03/2024 08:46

OP. I would move back to your family to have the baby in your home country. You aren't in a physically or mentally healthy situation. I know others won't agree but I'm sympathetic to people who are a bit of a mess because we don't know the circumstances of their lives. Maybe your partner always had untrained dogs in his life and didn't know any better. I would actually give him the benefit of the doubt if he is otherwise a good partner but leave for now to get yourself in a better situation. He needs to decide what to do about the dog but I'd suggest you make it clear that you can't have a baby in the same house as the dog.

LordPercyPercy · 26/03/2024 08:46

The dog has to go or you move back to the UK WHILE YOU ARE STILL PREGNANT.

I dont think the poster is from the UK. Her English is good but she's not a native speaker.

EverybodyLTB · 26/03/2024 08:47

If anyone has ever seen an out of control pitbull…. Terrifying doesn’t cover it. Nobody can think this is a workable situation? You’ve put yourself and soon to be a newborn baby in a frighteningly vulnerable situation OP. The only thing anyone here can really do is to support you to find a way out. You need to escape this situation. Where is your home?

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