I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

[Applecake123]

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

You have to put the money into professional training. This can be reversed. If the dog has had no proper training it’s really not his fault. He doesn’t know how to behave, he hasn’t been shown.

If this dog will go for cats it will also go for your newborn. It could be fatal. By the way you are also being cruel to expect your cats to live with this dog. Where are your priorities OP? I really hope this thread is a windup.

@Applecake123 well, I hope your bf has had the dog wormed. Though if he hasn’t house trained it….is the dog neutered?
But the bottom line is you cannot bring a baby into a house with a dog like that. If bf can’t see that, you really need to somehow move back home.

the dog needs to go unfortunately. It cannot remain in a house with a child.

Poor untrained and poorly looked after dog. Poor cats thrown in a terrifying situation where their lives are at risk daily. Poor baby to be born in to this mess with a dangerous dog, stressed out cats and slack lazy owner/father.

This would be a complete deal breaker for me - I would not be with such a man. However if you intend to stay with him and raise a child then you need to sort this out. If the dog is staying then you MUST re-home your cats for their safety and wellbeing - one day this dog may kill them. Maybe he can rehome the dog but for welfare reasons this will be very difficult as she sounds untrained, aggressive and not well looked after at all.

As I said I would be on the next flight home and taking my cats with me.

You can't have a dog that toilets inside when you have a baby. It's a huge infection and safety risk
Babies put all sorts in their mouths and no matter how much you clean there will be germs everywhere.

Ask him for the money for a flight back home. You are torturing your cats by placing them in danger from this untrained Pitbull who breaks through 2 muzzles. You make your cats be in a room with no litter tray. You are being cruel to them. You know this. You can't have a baby there with that dog. How would you feel if the dog attacked your baby? The dog was there first. You need to leave and take your cats to safety. Go back to wherever you lived before. Get a job, claim benefits or whatever but get yourself out of the stupid situation you put yourself and your poor cats in. If he won't give you money for a flight ask your parents to lend you the money.

Excellent advice.

I haven’t read the whole thread but for gods sake do not bring a new born baby into this house with this dangerous dog.

This situation is completely unsatisfactory - to say the least.
Do you not question BF's level of tolerance to filth and total lack of hygiene? Why can the dog not at least be put outside - is there no garden?
I.E. this dog is in a flat or house with no garden? Again completely unsuitable.
Something has got to go -either you or the dog.

You're not unreasonable but the solution you're looking for is to give up his dog. The real solution is for him to get the animal properly trained

The PP who mentioned you being stuck in a foreign country for 18 years may have a point - have you looked into that? Some countries you're not allowed to leave the country with a child who was born there, without their father's permission. You've put/found yourself in a set of circumstances in which you are so highly vulnerable and dependent on him, I really would encourage you to come home to have your baby to protect you and your infant better legally.

Pit bulls are banned/restricted in various countries because they are known to be dangerous. They are more prone to attack than other breeds, and when they do attack they often do fatal damage. She might be the sweetest dog in the world but she is already showing strong signs of being distressed by you and your cats moving in - bringing a baby into her established home is only going to increase her stress levels. A stressed dog is way more unreliable than a relaxed one; all in all it is such a very unsafe situation to have a baby live with her.

If you won't move out for the bloodbath that is waiting to happen when she gets to one of your cats, do it for the very real need to protect your child from her.

You need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about the dog and soon. There is a serious risk of harm towards your baby when it arrives, the dog is showing aggression towards your cats already and it’ll do the same to your baby.
Unless he’s prepared to either train it himself or pay someone to do then he’ll have to rehome it but that’ll be difficult with an aggressive untrained dog.

You straight up can't have a small child in that environment 🤷🏼‍♀️ options are:

A. Get the dog trained
B. Get the dog gone
C. Find a new home for you and the cats where the baby can live in a few months.

Not sure why having worked in the UK is relevant given that OP lives in Spain.

Hypothetically of course, because it’s clearly a wind up.

I stopped reading halfway op because it's clear. It's you or the dog. Immediately. I see you are financially dependent on him which was not a great move, but bad decisions be undone or new good decisions made. Hell would freeze over before I had a baby in this situation, whatever took...

Your boyfriend sounds like an absolute waste of space. Please stop making excuses for him.

This is why it should be compulsory to have a licence to own a dog, and pitbulls are known for being aggressive anyway.

Get out in any way you can.

Oh dear, your post broke my heart.
If you stay with that man you, your cats and your baby will all suffer. He’s already been neglecting his dog, he’s not father material.
None of you sound mature enough to have a baby tbh and the current circumstances are such that your baby won’t be safe. Also your cats will get killed if you don’t move out because keeping the door close is not sustainable: one day someone will forget or something will happen and you’ll have the guilt of having let something entirely avoidable happen to them.
I see only two solutions: you and the cats move out asap and you bring up a child alone, with this man in the background who is a walking red flag, or you and your cats move out asap and you consider having an abortion (if not too late). You may be horrified at this suggestion but there’s nothing wrong with realising you can’t offer a stable safe home to a child in the present situation.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation and I completely understand why you’re crying so much but even if it won’t be easy you can get out and find safety. Women before you have done it, it can be done. Hugs.

Oh dear, you have more problems than the dog, and I would really really advise you to have a long think about how to protect yourself and your child, and I don't mean from the dog. As I think I understand it, you are unmarried, with no job, pregnant with no family support, living in a house owned by your partner of which you are not on the deeds in a country that is not your home country. At the moment you are completely and utterly at the whim of your partner in many many ways. I can't advise on what you may be entitled to as I live in the UK, but there is a Citizens advice in Spain and I strongly advise that you go and speak to them. You should find some independence from your partner and have a plan b if something goes wrong. Essentially your partner at the moment can do and say whatever he likes. And the fact that you have the dog issue now is a huge red flag as other posters have said. What are you going to do if he refuses to get rid of the dog or address the training issues? You have said you cant move out, which he will be well aware of. Speak confidentially to citizens advice about what rights you may have. Also, it is possible to get jobs while pregnant. You don't say whether you are trained in anything or whether there is a language barrier. You can certainly study while you are pregnant and while you have a young child. Independence is something that you can and should even while with a partner. Just read some of the posts on Mumsnet from people who are unmarried and aren't on the deeds of a house. It's critically important for women to know their rights. Don't leave it until you are three kids down the line and don't have the money to get a solicitor to fight for you.

@Applecake123 , where is your home country?

Your baby will be in danger in the same house as that dog OP, it will never be safe. And that dog will likely kill your cats the moment it gets the chance.

I agree this doesn’t sound safe with a baby.

Also, your BF doesn’t sound like a very responsible dog owner. Dog poo and urine all over the house is really not normal.

TBH this does seem like a bit of a red flag to me and doesn’t bode well for being a good dad.

If the dog is aggressive with other animals, it can’t be safe to bring a baby into the house, and that’s before we consider the hygiene aspect where a baby will be crawling.

So sorry you are going through this OP, but there are some tough decisions ahead.

I also think you should consider returning to your home country before the baby is born. If your baby is born or lives in his country, you may not have the right to take your baby with you if you want to leave.

OP I would honestly move back to the UK before the baby is born. You cannot live like this and imagine your baby got hurt by the dog? It may be harder when the baby is born and a Spanish citizen to get out and you may get stuck.

If the dog acts like that with cats, imagine how it will interact with a baby 😨