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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

548 replies

Applecake123 · 25/03/2024 23:25

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

OP posts:
Deathraystare · 26/03/2024 15:18

How handy that you are around to clean up after the totally untrained dog! He saw you coming, didn't he? Who did it before you?

Obviously you need to leave. What were you thinking of??!! Hello! The baby, your cats and you not safe! Plus you will be too busy cleaning up after your baby to deal with a shit machine dog!

tillytown · 26/03/2024 15:19

Go home. You have no job, no money, are pregnant, and are trying to demand your partner gets rid of his pet of 10 years. Just like you didn't want to leave your cats when you moved, he doesn't want to get rid of his dog now. Do you really think everything will magically get better if the dog is gone, cos it won't. You'll still be completely dependent on someone else, you'll still have no money of your own, and you'll still be doing everything as you won't be able to leave.
Hopefully everyone here is wrong and everything turns out good for you, good luck

MaloneMeadow · 26/03/2024 15:21

Astrabees · 26/03/2024 14:31

A 10 year old Pitbull that pisses and shits all over the place? Can anyone really be suggesting it can be rehomed? Who on earth would take this dog on. I think this dog is seriously unstable. Normal dogs will make for a door or a tiled floor if they suddenly need to toilet and can’t get out. It is very strange this dog is using the sofa and bed. It seems quite disturbed by life at the moment which makes it quite a risk to live with and totally unsuitable to be round a child. Your partner should be considering PTS as the dog is clearly very unhappy and he cannot or will not look after it properly.

Do you own dogs? Saying that they know to head to tiled floor when they need to pee indoors is absolute madness.

MsAsparagus · 26/03/2024 15:21

Are you on a UK passport OP? You cannot just move and live in Spain anymore. You have to abide with the 90 rule.

SwedishAmy · 26/03/2024 15:31

He needs to prioritize his baby (and you ) which means the dog goes. It’s unfortunate but if it is aggressive and untrained it cannot be around a newborn. If he won’t rehome then I wouldn’t want to be with someone who cares so little about his child’s safety.

Astrabees · 26/03/2024 15:35

I have owned 6 dogs over a 40 year period and, yes, they don’t like to foul their snuggly comfortable places and head towards somewhere quiet in the house such as near the back door or a hallway if they are caught short. Even untrained dogs in rescue kennels will head for the furthest point from their beds. A dog that fouls soft furnishings at 10 years old is seriously disturbed.

Terrribletwos · 26/03/2024 15:39

Where would you go OP?

Pigglingtonbear · 26/03/2024 15:41

As a pregnant woman, you shouldn't be clearing up dog poo due to infection risks from things such as toxoplasmosis whicj can cause blindness in unborn babies. I imagine if he doesn't train or clean the dog, that he doesn't ensure it receives the proper veterinary care either. Plus the physical risk to the baby from the dog seems high, once it's born. Either the dog has to go or you will.

SquashPenguin · 26/03/2024 15:44

Do not give birth to your baby in Spain. If you do you may very well never be able to leave the country with your child.

This dog is just part of the problem.

oakleaffy · 26/03/2024 15:47

Wonder if a pregnancy so soon was
to bring boyfriend to heel and get a stake in his house?

It all seems very rushed and poorly thought out.

mcmooberry · 26/03/2024 15:50

You can't shut your cats away without a litter tray, if you clean the litter regularly, wear gloves, your risk of toxoplasmosis is negligible.
The dog poses a risk to the baby imo.
Could you walk her with one of those devices to stop pulling?
Sounds like a nightmare situation all round.

oakleaffy · 26/03/2024 15:51

SquashPenguin · 26/03/2024 15:44

Do not give birth to your baby in Spain. If you do you may very well never be able to leave the country with your child.

This dog is just part of the problem.

Wow had never considered implications of this.Would the baby be considered “Spanish?” Legally?
That has serious implications if relationship goes belly up.

LavenderPup · 26/03/2024 15:52

The BF is the asshole for not training his dog. 10 year old trained dogs don’t pee in the house unless they’re ill! You knew the dog peed once a week….it was never going to get better. I’d be considering why I wanted a baby with someone that can’t even care for a dog.

MaloneMeadow · 26/03/2024 15:52

oakleaffy · 26/03/2024 15:51

Wow had never considered implications of this.Would the baby be considered “Spanish?” Legally?
That has serious implications if relationship goes belly up.

I would’ve thought the baby would automatically qualify for dual citizenship? Not a legal expert though so could be completely off!

oakleaffy · 26/03/2024 15:56

MaloneMeadow · 26/03/2024 15:52

I would’ve thought the baby would automatically qualify for dual citizenship? Not a legal expert though so could be completely off!

This is where proper legal advice is essential.
Imagine trying to flee an abusive relationship and not being able to take child out of country with you.

It sounds an all round disaster.

Scirocco · 26/03/2024 15:59

MaloneMeadow · 26/03/2024 15:52

I would’ve thought the baby would automatically qualify for dual citizenship? Not a legal expert though so could be completely off!

In some places, if a relationship breaks down, a parent cannot take a child out of the country, let alone move to a different country, without the consent of the other parent.

If that's the case where OP is, she could have her baby in Spain, split up from the boyfriend and then either be stuck in Spain with no support or face moving back to the UK and leaving her baby with the boyfriend, whose parenting skills are unlikely to be much better than his dog-caring skills.

zingally · 26/03/2024 16:04

A dog that routinely attempts to attack small mammals is never going to be safe around a baby/toddler.
A man that doesn't take adequate care of his ANIMAL, is unlikely to be able to take adequate care of his HUMAN CHILD.

Frankly though, it's not just a case of the dog being smelly and badly trained. This is a dog that demonstrates it's unlikely to be able to be safely around a baby.
Your baby's safety needs to come first. Leave. And take your cats with you.

But, for what it's worth, a 10yo pitbull is not super-likely to last many more years anyway.

Andthereyougo · 26/03/2024 16:15

The dog is a danger to your baby.
The unsanitary conditions are a risk to your baby. Is the dog properly wormed regularly?
It sounds like he has a Cat1 or 2 dog so at least it’ll be vaccinated against rabies.
It would be safer for you and your baby to leave, go home and bring your baby up alone.

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 26/03/2024 16:22

Oh dear. Sounds like the poor dog is being neglected. No dog ever wants to mess in its own home. I feel so sorry for it. Well done for trying to walk it. At least you’ve tried.

I think your partner sounds irresponsible especially leaving the dog home all day while he works. You’re right, it’s not a safe space to be with a baby. You can’t trust an untrained dog with a baby. I don’t understand why this wasn’t thought through before you moved in.

I would try and move out or pay for a dog walker. The situation with the poor cats is also very sad.

Good luck.

Cheesyfootballs01 · 26/03/2024 16:27

OP please rehome your poor cats if you are going to keep the dog.

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 26/03/2024 17:07

kkloo · 26/03/2024 04:31

The poor dog doesn't get walked and has had cats move into his home. That explains his behaviour.

I agree. Plus the negative energy around her. They’re so intelligent; they pick up on so much. She’s aware there are cats (and a human who hates her) invading her home and it’ll be driving her mad, hence the mess. She’s distressed. 😢 It’s not the dog who’s an asshole. She’s an old lady who is experiencing a home invasion. Those poor animals are at the mercy of your bad decisions. It’s cruel and such thoughtless on your part.

Scirocco · 26/03/2024 17:08

Cheesyfootballs01 · 26/03/2024 16:27

OP please rehome your poor cats if you are going to keep the dog.

Harder to re-home the baby though...

pavedwithgoodintentions · 26/03/2024 17:19

YOu need to make it very clear: the dog goes or you do. You canNOT raise a baby in a home with a dog like that. Bad enough you're still there. And your poor cats.

Your boyfriend might be a great provider/partner to you, but he's a terrible pet owner to let his dog situation exist like this. He shouldn't be allowed another dog.

0sm0nthus · 26/03/2024 17:27

I'm getting major deja vu reading this thread

slore · 26/03/2024 17:34

NosinaBook · 26/03/2024 08:32

They have not even tried 🙄 that's the choice they are faced with. Get clued up on training and follow through with it or rehome the dog, which is not always easy, shelters are full.

Go on r/BanPitBulls. There are endless stories of pitbulls who are not house trained and who pull on the lead. Their lack of trainability is an inherent feature of the breed.

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